The Summer Expedient
by Taran-Wanderer
Summary: With Leonard gone for the summer, Penny and Sheldon strike up an agreement that strengthens their growing friendship. But before the summer ends, Sheldon finds himself with deeper feelings for his neighbor than he knows how to contend with. Slow Romance set after Season 6 Finale. Shenny.
1. The Deal

May 18th, 2013

Penny had barely shut the door behind her when she heard the door to 4A open and close across the hall. Footsteps approached her door and then the familiar rhythm of Sheldon Cooper was pounding at her door.

_Knock knock knock,_ "Penny?"

_Knock knock knock,_ "Penny?"

_Knock knock knock,_ "Penny?"

While she waited for him to complete his ritual, she kicked her work flats off her grateful feet. Eight excruciatingly long hours of Saturday madness had proven tiring for her throbbing legs but profitable for her wallet. Unfortunately the paycheck she set on the table next to her door would almost entirely disappear, split off into pieces to pay the bills she had stacked underneath it.

Oh the joys of career waitressing.

After his last "Penny" she swung the door open, barely glancing at the tall man clutching his laundry basket on her doormat before turning into her apartment and picking discarded sweaters and socks off the back of her sofa. "Good evening, Penny," he said formally, frowning after her as he craned his neck to follow her with his gaze. "As usual, you are running late." It was more an observation than an accusation but she still groaned aloud.

Sheldon knew nothing of shitty managers or perpetually late coworkers and the thought did little to comfort Penny. His enormous brain only had room for quarks and particles and the fibers of the universe. His big head (and bigger ego) could never fully wrap itself around the trials and tribulations of the service industry.

"Hey, Sheldon," she answered with exasperation, disappearing into her bedroom with her arms overflowing with clothing. "Give me a second to change," she called out from her bathroom as Sheldon delicately entered her apartment, studying the disarray with disdain.

Penny shucked off her work clothes and added them to pile in her laundry basket, waiting for Sheldon's remarks on the messiness of her apartment but instead he only called out to her, "How was your day at work, Penny," in an unmistakably strained voice. She narrowed her eyes as she pulled her tank top over her head and hefted her laundry basket through the doorway. Sheldon wasn't one for pleasantries, so something _must _be up.

She observed him skeptically as she answered, "Not terrible. Not great either but I guess I can't complain..." His eyes were darting around between the collection of mostly empty cup noodles on the coffee table and the haphazard pile of magazines stacked next to the couch. She watched as a muscle in his jaw bone tensed and the fingers holding up his basket flexed, but instead of saying the words she could see forming in his over-large brain, he visibly swallowed them as he turned his gaze back to her.

"Ah, you're ready. And only four minutes late. A new record," he said flatly before leading the way out her door and down the stairs, Penny shuffling behind him.

Penny wasn't quite sure when it happened but sometime over the last six years, she had become a regular participant of Sheldon's scheduled Laundry Night. It had happened by accident at first. They'd run into each other in the laundry room every once in a while and chat a little. She didn't understand half of what he said but teasing him was pleasant enough to sway her into choosing Saturday nights for her bi-monthly attempt at laundry.

As her relationships with the gang next door developed and her previous group of friends slowly lost contact, Laundry Night on Saturday with Sheldon became something she looked forward to. It wasn't nearly as fun as drinking herself stupid and dancing away at some bar, but waking up on Sunday wasn't nearly as shameful when the worst part of the night before was watching Time Cop at her neighbor's place. She started doing her laundry every weekend and she slowly learned how to decipher a good portion of the gibber-jabber that poured from Sheldon's mouth.

Despite the regularity that had developed, she had no idea what she had slowly eased herself into until one Saturday she figured she'd skip. Absorbed in a Top Model marathon she had completely ignored the collection of dirty clothes littered around her apartment, but Sheldon came knocking on her door at 8:20, outraged that she had broken his regimen. That night he himself had swept around her apartment, collecting her dirty clothes and shoving her out the door.

After that he came every Saturday to collect her before descending the stairs.

It was a strange little ritual that she had been absorbed into, but it was oddly centering. A lot of other parts of Sheldon's ridiculous schedule drove her crazy but with this one at least she was guaranteed clean clothes. Besides, the alone time with him was kind of fun. Without Leonard or the other boys around, she had begun to notice she could weasel more out of him than he would otherwise be comfortable sharing.

It made him infinitely more endearing to her when she realized he came to _her _when he had questions none of the boys could answer.

While they piled their clothes into the washing machine (she shoved, he artfully arranged), she studied him out of the corner of her eye. He was standing stiffly, even for Sheldon, and once he caught her looking at him his blue eyes danced around the room as they always did when he was nervous.

While Sheldon was turned away, she nabbed his softener and poured some into her dryer. She frequently borrowed his laundry supplies when she ran out and hadn't remembered to buy more, and though he usually complained in a somewhat resigned way, he only pursed his lips when he caught her returning the softener out of the corner of his eye.

_Yup_, she thought to herself as her eyes narrowed onto his scrawny figure, he _definitely_ wanted something.

Sure enough once the lids were closed and the quarters slid into place, he stood facing her with his hands behind his back while she hopped up on top of the rumbling machine.

"Penny," he started very seriously.

"Sheldon," she answered equally seriously, unable to stop herself from teasing him.

He abruptly stopped and narrows his eyes at her in warning. She had to struggle to contain her smile before he opened his mouth to continue. "With Leonard's recent departure, I've come to realize his absence might be more of a hindrance than I originally anticipated."

"Oh, sweetie, do you miss your little buddy?" she asked with a grin. He wasn't the only one, she thought with an internal groan. It had only been two nights and she was already feeling lonely. Without his company during dinner, her apartment seemed strangely quiet while she slurped down her meal of cup noodles.

And without Leonard's monetary help, cup noodles would be most of her meals for a few months. She sighed heavily.

"Hardly," Sheldon scoffed and Penny's thoughts were derailed. "I simply recognize that without his menial skills, my weekly routines have shifted in a way I am not at all happy with."

Penny's face scrunched up as she mentally interpreted his wordy nonsense. "You mean you miss him driving you around?" she asked with a sigh, a little disappointed.

"Exactly," Sheldon nodded, frustrated. "I find my schedule greatly disrupted." His words curled with just a twinge of Texas drawl.

Penny slumped in her seat on the washing machine and sighed. "Me too," she added for good measure and was surprised to see Sheldon's blue eyes appraising her from where he hovered near the table. He sharply looked down when she caught his eye and fidgeted with the edge of the table.

Speaking to floor he began, "I had suspected you might be in a somewhat parallel quandary." His eyes darted to her and then in a million other directions, but despite his uncertainty, he took three solid steps in her direction and stopped with his hands behind his back, facing her head on.

Penny only stared back perplexed, waiting for him to get to whatever point this whole conversation had been aiming towards.

Sheldon, guessing that Penny needed further explaining, continued, "For example, your diet must be suffering with Leonard's absence, seeing as he is responsible for paying for the majority of your meals."

"Hey, don't call him my meal-ticket," she grumbled, but a part of her mind, or rather her stomach, couldn't deny the man's point. She was already beginning to suspect that the human body couldn't run on re-hydrated noodles and packets of seasoning for as long as Leonard would be gone.

"And furthermore," he spoke over her, "you are likely feeling the lack of human interaction I know you to be dependent on. With our comfortable group split up by pair-bonds, and with your partner missing, you undoubtedly feel that you have become the odd man out."

"Hey! Raj doesn't have a _pair-bond_ either. I'm not to only odd man out..." but she trailed off feeling dejected. She also couldn't help but feel that Sheldon really needed to learn how to soften his blows.

Sheldon only continued on as if he hasn't been interrupted. "In consideration of these events, I have come to offer you a deal."

Penny quirked up an eyebrow as she mulled that over. She had to admit, she was a little intrigued. If Sheldon was offering her a solution to her shitty meals and lonliness, it could either be utterly brilliant or terribly offensive. Sometimes both. She braced herself for the worst. "What kind of deal?"

Sheldon cleared his throat and stood up straighter. "In exchange for taking over Leonard's post-work related duties, I will, until Leonard's return, pay for any meal you eat in my company."

Her stomach gave a somewhat audible growl at that point (which Sheldon noted with a slight look of amusement) but she ignored it as she pushed herself off the dryer to look dubiously into Sheldon's face. He was looking down at her with the blank, open expression of expectation. She crossed her arms.

"_Post-work related duties_," she mulled aloud. "What kind of duties?"

"Driving me to the comic book store or wherever else my errands dictate, picking up take-out, eradicating any errant creepy-crawlies, or whatever else I require and cannot perform on my own."

"And after doing all that, all I get is a few lousy dinners?" She already knew she was going to say yes, it wasn't like she had anything better to do, but Sheldon was a terrible negotiator and she wanted to see exactly how much she could get out of this.

"Not just a few dinners, Penny. Any meal you eat with me."

"So you'd quit griping about me coming over and stealing your food?"

"Until Leonard's return, yes."

"And if we all get take-out, you'll pay my share?"

"Yes, so long as you make yourself available to run errands with me."

"And you'll pay for gas...?"

He looked genuinely thoughtful a moment as if that thought hadn't occurred to him. "...I suppose that's fair." He turned his gaze to her expectantly.

She stared at him open mouthed for a second before snapping it closed and pulling a skeptical face. "I don't know, Sheldon..." she said leadingly. "I've still got to work so it's not like I'd be around all the time."

He grimaced and his left eye just barely twitched when he replied, "I am aware of your schedule, Penny, and am willing to make... concessions... in my own to accommodate your work routine."

"What about Amy? I bet she'd love spending time with you." From what Penny gathered from the bespectacled brunnette, Amy would give up all of her free time for nothing in return but the pleasure of Sheldon's company.

"Unfortunately Amy's work is reaching a critical juncture and she hasn't the time to cater to my needs. Besides, even with the inconvenience of your inconsistent shifts, you are the most viable candidate for filling in Leonard's position as you are nearest to my home."

Penny only lifted her eyebrow and tilted her head, giving him a long hard stare. He returned with a heavy glare of his own and Penny found herself wondering if he wasn't as much of a push-over as Leonard had claimed when Sheldon grumbled out, "And I'll throw in the WiFi, too."

Penny visibly brightened. "You won't change the password on me?" she asked, disbelievingly. He had gotten into the habit of changing it every Monday, seemingly just so she would have to come over to ask for it. He always offered it to her when she asked, she didn't even have to say 'please,' but the smug look and snarky combinations of 'Penny Is a Freeloader' drove her a little crazy.

With how much he obviously enjoyed toying with her over the WiFi, it was hard to imagine him giving up that small pleasure.

"Not until Leonard returns," he answered.

Internally, Penny celebrated.

"Okay," Penny said aloud, trying to fight the smile forming on her own face.

Sheldon blinked heavily, surprised. "Okay? You mean you consent?" He returned to his laundry basket to dig out a folder she hadn't seen, concealed underneath his clothing.

A stoke of genius struck Penny. "Yeah Sheldon, I consent, but I have one more condition." He turned to look at her sternly and she hastily added, "Don't worry, it won't cost you anything."

"Everything has a price," he replied suspiciously, and she was sure that what she was asking him for would cost him more dearly than any monetary stipulation she could have made.

"When you ask for a ride, or for company, or for me to pick up your damn Thai food, I want you to say 'Please' and 'Thank you.'" she let that sink in a moment. "_Every time_."

With the look of shock and horror that painted his face, she may as well have asked for his virginity.

"Penny! That's just ridiculous! _Every_ _single time_?"

"Yes, you big weirdo!" She said loudly over the rant she suspected he was building up. "And in exchange, every time we eat a meal or you put gas in my tank I will thank _you_ as well."

"Absurd," Sheldon answered flatly.

"Sheldon, everyone else on the planet know how to be polite except you."

"That is a vast over-exaggeration and besides, next to no one on this planet even comes within light years of my intellectual abilities."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. You're a genius. But sometimes it pays to be a little nice."

Distaste was written strongly across his pale features but he swallowed heavily, his adam's apple bobbing.

"What do you say, Sheldon. Do we have a deal?"

He huffed heavily and turned. For a moment, Penny was sure he had given up, refusing to meet her demands, but he only pulled a packet of papers out of the folder in his laundry basket. He dug around in his pocket for a pen and began scribbling angrily on the last page using the rattling washing machine as a desk.

"What is that?" Penny asked, peering around his arm to see a page covered in small type. She had seen enough of Sheldon's various Relationship Agreements brandished by him throughout the apartment to recognize the format. She rolled her eyes and groaned. "I'm not signing that, Sheldon," she stated flatly and his arms danced erratically as he twirled frantically to face her.

"Penny, this is crucial to our agreement. How else are we to be certain of the terms of our arrangement?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe we could talk to each other, you know, like _people_."

He huffed heavily and began shaking his head. "That is unacceptable. You may live life flying by the seat of your pants but I function under a higher construct in which this," he brandished the alarmingly thick packet, "insures all parties are equally informed."

"Then I guess we don't have a deal," she answered with a shrug.

Sheldon sputtered to a stop, opening his mouth to speak but only a disgruntled noise came out. He repeated the process twice more but Penny remained unmoved, staring into his face with the simplicity of apathy. Meanwhile his face degenerated into a scowling, twitching mess as he muttered words like 'ridiculous' and 'hillbilly' under his breath.

"...but _Penny_!" he whined after a full two minutes of her silence.

"No buts. I've seen enough of your contracts to know you only use those things to screw everyone else into doing what _you _want." Her washing machine rumbled to a stop and she stepped away from an open mouthed Sheldon, dragging her wet clothes out of the washer in handfuls and chucking them into an open dryer.

Sheldon stood back to give her room to move about but he hadn't given up the fight yet. He straightened himself and clenched his fist at his sides. He had suspected she might put up a fight but he never imagined it would be over something so indisputable as the very contract he'd carefully worded to properly insure she was under his thumb. That was, after all, where he liked people best.

"My contracts are to insure that everyone knows precisely what is expected of them in any possible situation. They are created with the sole intention of easing relations between two parties. If what _I_ want just so happens to be the _right _thing to want, that is purely incidental." Penny shot him an exasperated look over her shoulder which he pointedly ignored in favor of attending to his own laundry.

Penny slammed the dryer closed and paced back to Sheldon's side, leaning on her vacated washing machine and peering into his face while he carefully collected his wet laundry one article at time and placed them into his basket.

"I don't want a piece of paper telling me how to behave," she said simply. "Especially not if I'm already going to be bending over backwards to chauffeur you around."

Sheldon's eyebrows drew together as he pulled out the last of his wet clothing and carried the basket to the empty dryer next to the one Penny had filled. Penny followed him, a step behind.

"When a problem comes up, especially if it's with someone you are close to, you're supposed to talk about it, not refer to 'section seven dash one' to force your own way."

"That sounds awfully inefficient," Sheldon replied hotly from where he was crouched on the ground, arranging his clothes into the dryer.

Penny laughed. She had the distinct feeling she had the upper hand. When she had refused to sign the contract, she thought it might take a few days of him adamantly demanding she conform to his neurotic behavior before he finally gave up, but now she was thinking it might not take so long at all.

"It's not," Penny answered cheerily. "In fact, it works out far better for _everyone_ involved."

"You mean it works out better for _you_," he answered tartly but she grinned while ramming her quarters into the coin slot and pulling herself up onto the dryer.

"No way, brainiack. _You're _the only one whose always trying to pull one over on everyone you know," she replied with a raised eyebrow, her legs swinging merrily below her and Sheldon frowned. "_I'm_ perfectly capable of taking your feelings into account, which is much _much_ more than I could say for you."

Sheldon looked momentarily troubled as he processed her statement. It alarmed him to hear that Penny thought he was inconsiderate. He was perfectly aware that the nuances of social interactions weren't as clear to him than they were everyone else but he wasn't at all pleased to hear that his shortcomings resulted in hurt feelings.

He had rather thought he'd gotten the hang of social interactions. He had a best friend/room mate who didn't (frequently) threaten to kill him, he had a group of like-minded friends, he had a smart, capable girlfriend, and he even had a Penny, whatever exactly she was. He was regularly surrounded by people that he didn't entirely despise and to him, those were things he had never before imagined possible.

He had imagined his naturally superior intellect led him to be successful in all tasks he took up be it the complexities of theoretical physics or the simplicity of making friends, but Penny's comment sent a jolt of unease to his core. She was, he grudgingly conceded, the local expert on human interactions.

He swallowed dryly and unfurrowed his eyebrows. With a deft push, his own coins clinked into the machine and he returned to his customary stance with his arms behind his back. Penny grinned at him knowingly and his left eye twitched.

"Then how does the simpleminded populous officiate a deal?" he asked, frustrated. The thought of forsaking a perfect opportunity to loop Penny into a contract sent his facial muscles into a frenzy but he fought it down. After all, you couldn't convince an ape to sign paperwork; you had to appeal to them in their own language. Besides, Sheldon Cooper wasn't one to crumple under a challenge.

Penny's grin stretched even further and her eyes twinkled in the way that made Sheldon's stomach uncomfortably clench. She firmly reached out a hand and Sheldon studied it warily.

"I agree to fulfill Leonard's duties to the best of my abilities," she stated strongly, an expectant look turned up to meet his gaze.

After a moment in which he debated what fresh hell he was condemning himself to, he wrapped his long fingers around her small hand. It surprised her to find his grip so sturdy.

"...And I agree," Sheldon began reluctantly, "to provide you with meals, WiFi, and gas..." he ended flatly and tried to pull his hand away but Penny held firm.

"And..." she said leadingly and Sheldon huffed.

"...And to make my requests politely and thank you in return for your efforts..." he mumbled unhappily but Penny looked thrilled. She shook his hand firmly twice before releasing him from her grip, his hand strangely cold in its absence. Unconsciously he clenched and unclenched his hand behind his back.

But Penny was laughing, pulling her legs up to rest her chin on her knees. "So what's first, Sheldon?" she asked merrily, her eyes twinkling again.

He suspected she knew exactly what came on Sunday but for some maddening reason, she always asked.

"Paintball," he answered simply, his hand tingling behind his back.

"Oh! Does that mean I get to play?" she asked with a somewhat malicious smile and Sheldon had a hard time forcing the corners of his mouth from lifting up.


	2. The Fever

May 26th, 2013

Despite Sheldon's apprehension over Penny's new position as his most frequent companion, he had to admit, she was doing a surprisingly adequate job.

He was shocked to discover that without having to download his calendar, she already knew his schedule, seemingly by heart. He could only surmise that despite his belief that she was incapable of scientific observation, she had picked up on his routine over the course of the last six years. Adding to that how capably she had repeated the merits of 'his spot' to Bernadette, perhaps he really had underestimated her.

Without a contract binding Penny to perform as he deemed appropriate, he had been worried she would fight him with every step, but she hardly resisted. True, sometimes he had to wait around while she changed out of her Cheesecake Factory uniform, the no knocking before 11am rule frustrated him to no end, and he had been subjected to more _America's Next Top Model_ than he thought he could stomach, but overall, she put up little resistance to his demands besides wisecrack comebacks.

In fact, she seemed perfectly willing to reshape some of her habits to better suit his. After their first official trip to the comic book store together, the two sat together on his leather sofa _reading_. Yes, she had picked up _Fables_, a series he didn't deem nearly as worthy of interest as his favorite super heroes, but the next Wednesday she was actually excited to visit Stuart's shop and pick up the next book.

Generally, the whole gang still came over to eat dinner at Sheldon and Leonard's apartment, but the meals he and Penny ate alone were also surprisingly amenable. Even if she did occasionally toss up her food to catch it in her mouth (Sheldon, after careful observation of her self-satisfied smile after such a feat, suspected it was just as much to aggravate him as it was to entertain herself), her company was still relaxed and easy. With a little persuading, she had even consented to watch Star Trek the original series, and that at least partially made up for her tendency to talk with food in her mouth.

She did things different from Leonard, which while fundamentally upsetting, wasn't necessarily surprising. Luckily Raj was still willing to drive him to and from work so he needn't interfere with her sleep patterns, a feat he had early learned proved dangerous. And he had been affronted when she demanded he accompany her while she pick up their take-out arguing he was adult enough to 'inspect his own damn Cashew Chicken.' He had vehemently argued it was a waste of his time but she was unrelenting. Eventually, his unease at disrupting his dining schedule had him submitting to her demands and for a few days afterward he inaccurately placed any food order she requested in retaliation. He gave up that plan of attack when it only led to the discovery that she liked pork egg rolls even more than her usual spring rolls.

And while he didn't exactly get _everything _he wanted (she had flat out refused to leave work early when he discovered a spider spinning a web in the front closet), she was open to negotiations. In fact, it was almost pleasurable arguing his point and downright cathartic on the occasions she gave up and relented. The challenge, as compared to Leonard's reluctant complaints, was rewarding.

Overall, despite her obstinacy, Penny was an adequate substitute. In fact, sometimes he weighed the possibility that she was a more suitable permanent candidate than Leonard, but he hadn't yet gathered all the data required to make such a change. And there was the major drawback that her irregular schedule at The Cheesecake Factory often left him at the mercy of his other, significantly less reliable friends.

He was considering just that as he entered the apartment building, returning home from another Sunday morning spent at the paintball field. Raj had dropped him off after their brutal defeat, something he blamed entirely on Penny's absence. She had riled up the Dirt People from the Geology Department the previous weekend, much to Sheldon's glee, but this week they had retaliated viciously and without her corn-fed ferocity, the physics department was left defenseless.

He had just planted his foot on the first step when the glass door swung open and Penny entered, looking a little vacant.

When her eyes snapped up to spot Sheldon, she froze on the spot, baffling Sheldon. "Penny, you are supposed to be at work until six. If you were so capable of leaving early, your company would have been beneficial at paintball."

She backed up a step and it was at that moment that Sheldon took in her appearance. Her face was very pale, the shadows under her cheekbones more pronounced, and her eyes were rather dull compared to the normal sparkling green. As he watched she put a hand out to brace herself against the wall.

"I think I'm sick, Sheldon," she said and her voice sounded small and weary. "You better get out of here before I contaminate you." She made a vague shooing gesture, urging him up the stairs as his eyes widened. In all the time he had known Penny, she had only once gotten sick. More disturbing was the thought that followed: whatever germ that managed to make it past her brawny defenses would likely floor his significantly weaker disposition.

He dashed up the first flight of stairs skipping half the steps, covering his mouth and nose with the collar of his paintball uniform. He paused on the first landing, listening as her soft footsteps began slowly ascending the stairs.

Keeping a flight ahead of her, he called down to her, "What kind of sick are you?" His Texan accent slipped through, coloring his anxiety.

"I don't know Sheldon," she grumbled from below and Sheldon frowned. Her pace up the stairs was much slower than normal and she spoke very quietly when she added, "I don't feel good."

"Well of course you don't feel good. You don't look very good either."

"Gee thanks," she mumbled.

"Sarcasm?"

"_Yes,_" she answered tightly from nearly a floor below him.

"Alright then," he answered and thought quietly to himself for a moment. "What are your symptoms?"

"I feel dizzy. I dropped a tray at work and then nearly blacked out. And now I can't stop shivering."

Sheldon was rounding the last flight of stairs as he filed through a mental checklist of illnesses. "Given our region, I suspect you have contracted either Lyme Disease, Tuberculosis, or slightly less likely, the Plague."

"Oh for God's sake, Sheldon, it's just a fever," Penny answered with a huff from the third floor landing and for a moment, Sheldon stood in front of 4A, at a loss of what to do. He didn't want to risk her passing him and spreading her illness, but he was reluctant to simply leave her to her own devices before he was sure she made it to her own apartment.

He settled for slipping inside his apartment and peering through the small crack he left open until she rounded the corner on the last set of stairs. Once she was in sight, he closed the door, but not before observing the translucent pallor of her skin and the tired way she trudged up the steps with her eyes closed, a hand on the wall guiding her up.

On the other side of the door, he heard her struggle momentarily with the keys before he heard the lock turn as she opened the door.

"Drink plenty of fluids, Penny," he called through the door, and he watched her though the peep hole as she turned to glance at his closed door before entering her apartment, dropping her purse to the floor, and letting the door swing shut.

* * *

Four hours later, Sheldon sat conflicted in his seat on the couch.

Howard and Raj had swung by after Sheldon took a particularly thorough shower and the guys had played a few rounds of Super Smash Bros. Sheldon mentioned in what he considered an offhanded manner (but was actually abrupt and awkward) that Penny was ill and the two made vaguely sympathetic statements before returning to their usual diatribe of video game trash talk.

The two departed to eat dinner at Howard's mother's home by five and that left Sheldon to his own anxiety, though he had a hard time understanding what was weighing so heavily on his mind.

After the eleventh instance wherein he found himself wondering how Penny was faring, he deduced he must be concerned about her. That in and of itself was concerning, Sheldon wasn't one to waste time thinking of others, and he refused to acknowledge his revelation for another hour, by which time he was pacing in front of his whiteboard, unable to focus.

It wasn't _his _responsibility to take care of Penny if she was ill. He hadn't even been particularly happy to look after Amy, his _own_ _girlfriend_, when she had been sick. It was only a sense of duty and his mother's drilled in chivalry that returned him to Amy's side. Besides, Amy had looked rather hollow and sad and for some reason he hadn't wanted to leave her in that state.

But Penny wasn't his concern.

Sure, Leonard had requested Sheldon keep an eye on Penny while he was away, but that hardly qualified as a binding contract, especially since Sheldon had only scoffed and sited the numerous ways in which Penny continually endangered herself. She was far too wily to be 'looked after.' She practically had a death wish.

He stopped his pacing for a moment and glanced at the door to his apartment.

Penny _had _looked pretty terrible climbing those last few steps to reach her apartment. Her skin, which was usually so flushed with warmth looked waxen, and unless she had restocked since his last perusal of her bathroom cabinet, she didn't even have any acetaminophen. Who didn't stock basic pain killers in their home? Then again, she likely had downed them all drowning out one of the hangovers she was so frequently afflicted with.

No, Penny _definitely_ had a death wish.

Sheldon rolled his head on his shoulders feeling his muscles stretch.

Perhaps he could call Amy over to look after Penny. She would certainly be a far more amenable nurse than he would. But with a frown he crossed that possibility off his list. Amy was engaged with work. After Penny refused to leave work to kill that spider in the closet, he had tried Amy and she had also refused. If an arachnid building a home in his apartment wasn't cause enough to leave work, sick Penny didn't stand a chance. Much to his displeasure he couldn't foist this task onto Amy.

Sheldon sighed heavily.

Penny _had_ looked after him when he was sick. She frequently did. She would groan and complain but she'd still make him tea, and check his ears for ladybugs, and sing him _Soft Kitty_. She'd tuck him in and feel his forehead and sit with him quietly until he told her to leave. And she never complained about germs, but he supposed that was because her thick skinned Nebraskan immune system protected her from almost everything.

Reluctantly Sheldon capped his dry erase marker and set it down on his desk.

If Penny didn't recover, who would take him to pick up his Thai food tomorrow? The restaurant workers were always much friendlier when Penny was with him. He doubted Howard or Raj would make the same impression.

With an even heavier sigh, Sheldon took three quick strides to the door and three more as he crossed the hall.

He knocked, the same reassuring pattern as always, but there was no answer. He listened, straining his ears to hear any sound from Penny's apartment but there was only silence.

After a brief debate during which an image of Penny lying unconscious on her carpet soundly decided for him, he fetched her spare key and fit it into the lock.

The living room was slightly messier than was her standard and he cringed, but there was no Penny strewn across the ground. Her purse and various articles of her Cheesecake uniform littered the path to her bedroom, the door to which stood open, and Sheldon let himself in.

A tuft of blonde hair poked out from beneath her comforter, a Penny sized lump curled up in the center of her bed. He tried knocking on the wall above her bed and calling her name but she only groaned and shifted slightly.

With another sigh, Sheldon knelled over her and pulled down the comforter enough to see her pale face, a light mist of perspiration wetting the roots of her hair. Against his better judgment, he rested his cold hand against her forehead and sure enough, she was burning up.

At his touch, she opened her eyes but they looked at him dimly, as if through a haze. He withdrew his hand and pulled a small bottle of hand sanitizer from his pants pocket, calmly rubbing it into his burning palm.

"Sheldon?" she asked, her voice scratchy. Sheldon frowned. "But I'm sick..."

"Yes and you are doing a terrible job of getting better. Have you had anything to drink? Have you taken any fever reducers?"

She shivered and shook her head as if to clear it. Her voice still sounded groggy and thick when she answered. "I drank some water but I don't have any Tylenol. Is this real?" she added as an afterthought and that statement more than anything else steadied his resolve.

"Yes, of course this is real. Now come, sit up, you're coming with me."

She looked baffled as she struggled to an upright position, cocooning herself in her comforter. "Where are we going?" she asked and Sheldon scoffed.

"My apartment. You are in no state to be left unattended and as Leonard is absent, I see no other option but to personally insure your continued existence."

Penny, now standing unsteadily on her feet, screwed her eyes closed and looked pained. "So many words..." she groaned and Sheldon rolled his eyes. She slowly, unconsciously lilted to the left precariously and Sheldon had to grab a firm hold of her comforter to steady her from falling.

In fact as he reevaluated the situation, her thick bedding made a perfect buffer between her ill, heated skin and his contagion free hands. It would certainly not be completely effective but he was happy enough to be removed the obligation to make direct contact with her feverish body.

While Penny swayed on legs turned to Jell-O, Sheldon rearranged the blanket on her, tucking it firmly around her shoulders and clasping it closed in front of her chest. It was with that tight fistful of fabric that he unceremoniously dragged her from her apartment, across the hall, and into Leonard's bedroom with limited stumbling, an impressive feat considering her eyes were closed for the duration of the journey.

As she settled herself onto Leonard's bed, Sheldon busied himself about the apartment. First he brought her two Tylenols and a bottle of water and stood impatiently beside the bed as he watched her swallow them. As she gracelessly slumped back against Leonard's pillows he stormed out, striding over to her apartment to turn off her lights and lock up.

Upon his return, he huffed into the bathroom, selecting one of Leonard's washcloths and soaking it under cool water from the tap, he wrung it out and returned back to Penny's side, not very delicately arranging it on her forehead.

When the cold damp cloth touched her skin, her eyes shot open, confused for a moment before resting again on Sheldon. She shifted to look at him and the cloth slid slightly to the side. With another long-suffering sigh, he sat next to her on the bed and shifted the cloth back to center.

"This is weird," Penny said with a touch of humor in her voice which Sheldon couldn't remotely understand.

"That is likely the fever talking. In extreme cases, hallucinations aren't uncommon."

"This can't be a hallucination. Even my fever brain couldn't come up with this. _Sheldon Cooper_ taking care of me while I'm sick..."

He looked at her blandly from the corner of his eye. "Well I couldn't very well let you _expire_ over there in that pigsty you call a home."

"You're right. And I doubt I could properly _expire_ here with you looking like you'd kill me if I did."

"That is illogical, Penny," Sheldon answered tersely as he flipped the cloth on her head over, the untouched side cooler than the side warmed by her skin.

They sat in silence for a few moments and Sheldon mentally calculated the likelihood of contracting her illness. If he began an antibiotic regimen immediately, perhaps he could dodge the bacterial bullet, but he rather suspected his heedless chivalrous behavior would ultimately lead to his death.

"When I catch whatever disease this is you've dragged into my home, I expect you to return this favor."

"Yes, Sheldon," she answered placidly and Sheldon, of all things, found himself missing her usual sass. He told himself it was only the fact that it signified the intensity her illness and definitely not that he rather enjoyed their heated rapports. "But that means you have to sing me _Soft Kitty_," she added with a sleepy smile in her voice and Sheldon let out a huff of breath.

"It means no such thing," he answered testily but Penny suddenly shivered next to him and his gaze darted down to her figure worriedly.

Penny always seemed very large to him. Not physically, after all her height barely surpassed his shoulders, but she radiated energy out in every direction like the sun. She was loud and uncouth and violently abrasive, but the small woman nestled into his roommate's bed looked frail and weak. He had never seen her looking so venerable and as always, the weaknesses of the people he cared about terrified him.

As if reading his thoughts, she shifted closer to his side sleepily and said, "I'm cold," in a small unfamiliar voice. He could feel her body pressed against his hip and leg through at least three layers of bedding and tried very sincerely not to flinch away.

In the end, he only leaned back, his shoulders resting on Leonard's headboard, but what little space he put between them she reclaimed, seemingly unconsciously as her breathing had evened out with sleep.

Sheldon groaned aloud, deeply regretting interfering for the umpteenth time and determined to eradicate himself from her germ infested company.

Only when he shifted to stand and make an escape, she roused groggily and demanded, "Sing me _Soft Kitty_, Sheldon. Please?"

Glancing down at her face nestled only inches away from his hip, he could see she was pulling the same exaggerated pout that had last worked in soliciting the song from him and he deflated, resigning himself to his fate.

"_Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur. Happy Kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr._"

* * *

Author's Note: Thank you so much for the reviews! I loved hearing from everyone!


	3. The Break In

May 27th, 2013

When Penny awoke the next morning in Leonard's bed, it took her a few moments of groggy thinking before she remembered the bizarre events of the night before. While it was happening, she had assumed she was hallucinating but now, securely tucked into the blue linens on Leonard's bed, she slowly came to the conclusion that the events of the night before had, in fact, actually happened.

She squinted at the ceiling as she allowed that thought to sink in.

_Sheldon Cooper_ had taken care of her while she was sick. She gaped to herself, alone in Leonard's room as memories trickled back to her.

Sure it had been impersonal. She was pretty sure he had insulted her in his Sheldon-y logical way a couple of times and had spent a great deal of words guilting her about the whole thing but she felt a sudden bubble of warmth as her heart swelled for her bat-shit crazy neighbor.

Yesterday afternoon, the last passing thought before falling asleep in her _own_ bed had been Leonard. She had missed him since he left but while the world tilted around her with her sickness, she had acutely felt his absence. If he were home, he would have taken care of her, or at least kept her company. She wasn't any stranger to fighting her various aches and pains alone, but the bed felt pretty empty without him in it.

As she had drifted off, wishing she had someone to keep her company, never in her wildest dreams had she imagined that Sheldon would step up to the plate. And maybe he wasn't as good a caretaker as Leonard would have been but he wasn't too shabby either. In fact, his reluctance made it all the more endearing.

Sheldon sure was one crazy wack-a-doodle, and he had no idea how to interact in very basic human situations, but he had stepped so far out of his comfort zone for her and Penny was a firm believer that it was the thought that counted. Turns out that big weirdo wasn't nearly as cold as they all liked to think.

In fact, while Penny stretched out her sore, fever cramped body, she debated to herself, not for the first time, how robot-like Sheldon really was. Sure, he completely lacked an understanding of people's feelings, even his own, but that didn't mean he didn't have any. In fact if Penny spent any time thinking about it, the strange occurrences of Sheldon's life seemed to all be _directly_ related to his feelings, despite how _un_-intune he was with them.

Sometimes Penny liked to equate his moods to a switch. In her mind, she liked to visualize one of those huge double pronged Frankenstein levers amongst the mad scientist laboratory that she thought of as his brain. When the switch was off, he was cold, detached and unreadable, fully embracing his 'homo novus' personality and observing the world like he would a science experiment. But when the switch was on, his thoughts boiled all over the surface, every feeling multiplied exponentially for his inability to cope with them.

In short either he didn't care at all or he felt every emotion without any barrier. From zero to ten, sometimes in an instant.

No, Penny thought with eyes narrowed, he definitely had feelings. That wasn't what made him so robotic. What really did it was his constant quest to understand what _everyone else_ was fussing over, because he couldn't read the things he felt in other people.

But hey, at least he was trying.

And this dragging her across the hall wrapped up like a burrito was definitely a whole new step in the right direction.

She stood from bed tentatively. She still felt a little weak but her head wasn't spinning or throbbing anymore and she felt perfectly comfortable at Sheldon's preset 72 degrees. Glancing at the clock, she saw it was past 11 and groaned. In theory, she should be at her shift in two hours, but she figured she would call out. It would be a shitty conversation but after being sent home yesterday for nearly passing out, they wouldn't deny her time off. It really paid that she was on her manager's good side.

Plus who wants to be served food by a visibly ill waitress? That would just be gross.

She stumbled down the hallway and was surprised to see Sheldon standing at his white board, brow furrowed in thought.

It was a Monday, wasn't it? What was he doing home?

As if reading her mind he spoke, his eyes still trained on his white board, "Though you seemed much better this morning when I looked in on you, I thought it prudent to stay home. After the time and effort I invested in you last night, it would be a pain to discover you'd set my apartment on fire while deliriously cooking yourself soup. Besides, I expect any moment now your bacteria will render me incapable of performing my work duties at maximum efficiency."

"Oh," she said, feeling a little lost. One thoughtful statement overruled by two rude. It was better than his usual average. "That's nice of you," she decided to go with and when he gave her the strange grimace/smile she knew to mean 'you're welcome' she grinned.

"I also took the liberty of calling into your work as well" He capped his marker with a click and shot her a curious look. "Penny, why do your coworkers address me as 'The Crazy Hamburger Guy'?"

Penny had to bite back a snort. "Well, you know, we have nicknames for all of our regulars," she tried to sound casual as she swept into the kitchen. "There's Lonely Larry, Demon Lady and the Screaming Smiths." She could feel Sheldon's blue eyes boring holes into her head, trying to read her mind. "It's just what you do when you work at a restaurant."

She allowed herself to grimace while she faced away from Sheldon but she could feel him still studying her back. "There's nothing crazy about the way I like my food prepared," he answered simply and she couldn't resist the indulgent smile that spread across her face.

"Oh, Sweetie, there's a lot crazy with the way you like _everything_," she said endearingly while Sheldon pouted.

"There is not," he answered petulantly. "And I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested."

Penny chuckled and turned away, opening the fridge and peering inside. Before she could reach out to grab a package of cheese, she heard a huff from behind her and was unceremoniously prodded away.

"You needn't infest our whole fridge with your germs, Penny," Sheldon said sharply and grabbed the cheese himself.

"But I'm so hungry," Penny said simply and Sheldon only looked at her flatly. "I wanna make a grilled cheese."

At that Sheldon turned and busied himself at the stove. "And have you wipe your bacteria all over the inside of the bread bag? No, I'd rather you didn't."

Penny had opened her mouth to put up a fight when Sheldon pulled the bread towards himself and started heating a pan over the burner. She blinked as she processed the sight. He was making her sandwich for her.

_Sheldon Cooper_ was making her sandwich for her.

Penny smiled and seated herself at the counter. If he was being surprisingly (maybe even alarmingly) nice to her this morning, she wasn't about to complain. Nope, she wasn't going to say a single thing.

...Okay maybe she was going to say _one_ thing.

"You know, I don't think you need to be so worried about my cooties," She hadn't meant to sound so flippant but it was hard wired in her brain to tease the strange man.

"Well, you needn't infest the whole apartment with them if we can avoid it," he answered stiffly, his broad shoulders facing her as he flipping her grilled cheese in the pan. "I'll already need to disinfect everything you've touched in the last 48 hours."

"Come on, Sweetie, you'll be fine."

"You have been single-handedly responsibly for infecting me at least twice! What makes you so sure this time would be any different?"

He turned to glare at her as he slid a plate across the counter. She picked up her perfectly browned grilled cheese triangle, and smirked at him. "Overexposure," she answered simply and Sheldon narrowed his eyes at her.

"We'll see," he answered, uncapping him marker and returning to his board.

* * *

June 6th. 2013

Yet another long shift at the Cheesecake Factory left Penny trudging up the stairs a lot slower than she normally did.

It had been more than a week since she had gotten sick and recovered. Much to her pleasure and Sheldon's chagrin, he didn't catch her bug. She grinned to herself on the second landing. Teasing him about his immunity to Penny Cooties had yet to get old.

She sighed contentedly once she reached the fourth floor. She had less than half an hour to change and sit around by herself before the gang would be over for Pizza night and she was looking forward to relaxing and chowing down.

It was just the lightest _thump_ from behind the closed door of 4A but it stopped Penny in her tracks, her own apartment key frozen an inch from the lock.

She glanced over her shoulder at the door of Sheldon and Leonard's apartment, her brow furrowed. It was too early. Sheldon wouldn't be home for another twenty minutes _exactly_ (she was _all_ too aware of his precise time table as he had left multiple copies in various places around her home, as if she didn't know it already by heart), and you could set your watch by Sheldon's schedule.

A conversation she had with the clerk of the liquor store three blocks down popped into her mind unbidden, her key still hovering in front of her own lock.

The clerk had mentioned a string of recent break ins around the neighborhood and had given her an uneven grin before warning her to look after herself. She'd smiled and played coy, shrugging off his comment with a flirtatious laugh. That laugh and smile had saved her good money that night (and most other nights for that matter).

With quiet steps she approached the door, slowly leaning her ear against the the wood. There was a deep male grunt, the sound of something heavy being put down roughly on the hard wood floor, and a muffled "Dammit!"

That was all she needed. With five quiet long strides, she swung her own door open and reached around the corner of the door frame for her trusted metal bat. She dropped her purse and sweater off on her couch and paused for a moment, thinking.

She was aware that all of her friends would likely berate her for what she was about to do, after all, none of them (with the possible exception of Bernadette) would ever confront a criminal, even if they were stealing their nose right off of their faces.

But that just wasn't Penny. She knew her boys had to have at least _thousands_ of dollars worth of electronics and games, and no way was some punk walking in on her turf and taking their things. And she sure as hell wasn't going to put up with Sheldon's lunatic insecurities again. For God's sake, he'd tried to leave town!

Besides, she knew she could handle this. She may have only barely made it onto the Corn Queen's Court, but she took first place three years in a row at Junior Rodeo.

No, there wasn't a fraction of doubt as she tightened her grip on the bat, marched across the hall and slammed the door of 4A open with a powerful kick. The door gave no resistance. With a quick glance around the room, Penny evaluated the situation.

All of the large electronics in their entertainment system were unplugged and arranged on the ground in front of door. A lumpy looking duffel bag was on the ground right in front of her and kneeling on the ground behind it was a startled looking teenager with dark hair. Her eyes flashed dangerously when she lowered her gaze from his face to his hands.

He was stuffing Sheldon's laptop into his sack.

"Hi, you must be our new neighbor..." the kid on the floor stuttered out but Penny's death glare silenced him.

"Like hell you are," she ground out. "Now if you don't want me to beat the daylights out of you with this here bat, you are going to put down that bag and get the hell out of here." She pointed the bat at him threateningly and he ever so carefully removed Sheldon's laptop from the bag.

"Look, everything is fine," he said placating but Penny sensed the tremble in his voice. Her heart was pounding too, but this was hardly the first sticky situation she'd gotten herself into, and this scrawny teenager wasn't very intimidating.

He slowly stood and Penny, just as slowly, raised her bat to swinging level. When he turned his back slightly to gently return Sheldon's laptop to his desk, she took the opportunity to circle him, putting herself between the intruder and open space that led to the hallway.

From there, she could literally beat him out the door if she had too.

"There, now get out of here," Penny said flatly and prodded his back with the edge of her bat, hard. He turned with his hands raised, palms out and shuffled backwards towards the door.

A moment too late, she saw his eyes dart to her right and she felt her trusty metal bat ripped out of her grasp.

Spinning around her eyes landed on another teenage intruder, this one a little bigger and broader than the one by the door. And now he was confidently wielding her bat. She narrowed her eyes curled her fists.

She hadn't been called Slugger for nothing.

* * *

Sheldon and Amy led the group as everyone climbed the four flights of stairs to 4A.

"I'm aware of your aversion, Sheldon, I'm simply suggesting that an increase of hand holding might promote the intimacy required to take our relationship to the next level," Amy said flatly and Sheldon could feel himself squirm uncomfortably.

"And what exactly _is_ 'the next level' of our relationship?" He suspected he wouldn't like the answer but he sensed that since his last three attempts to change the subject were rejected, another try wouldn't be any more successful.

"Kissing," Amy said with reverence and Sheldon grimaced. Howard choked a step behind them but Amy continued unperturbed, "While it is true I have kissed you on more than one occasion over the course of our relationship," at that Howard missed a step and stumbled, "I can't help but feel that it would improve our interactions if it became part of a routine."

"I can't tell which is more shocking: that after two years, they still haven't hit first base or that Sheldon's lips have made contact with a real human woman's," Howard whispered to Bernadette and Raj, but Sheldon's Vulcan hearing still caught it.

"For you information, Howard..." Sheldon began but stopped suddenly when the group turned the on the last landing leading to the fourth floor. His apartment door was ajar. With a frustrated sigh, he leaped up the last few steps and called out loudly, "Penny! What have I told you about closing the door!"

His eyes widened as he rounded the corner and he took in the state of his home. The electronics were all unplugged and gathered at the door alongside an unrecognizable heap of fabric, the kitchen stools were knocked over and the poster that hung beside the door was on the ground, the frame broken.

"Oh, good Lord," he managed to whisper as his hand automatically clutched at his racing heart while he wilted against the door frame.

The group had just gathered behind him as his anxiety attack set in.

"Woah," Howard said aloud, "Looks like you guys got broken into again... except..." he glanced around skeptically, his eyebrows coming together, "all your stuff is still here..."

"Maybe they only wanted to rearrange your electronics," Raj wondered aloud.

It was at that moment that Penny strolled out of the bathroom, her bat resting lightly on her shoulder, her hair a little more mussed than normal.

"Oh, hey guys," she said self consciously as her gaze landed on the five people standing shocked in the doorway. Her eyes immediately swung to Sheldon and the terror on his face must have been evident because she stepped forward with her arms out, already starting her explanation.

"Cool it, Sweetie, they're gone," she had crossed the room in a few sturdy strides and began leading a weak-kneed Sheldon to his spot with a guiding hand on his elbow. "They didn't take anything, I found them before they could do anything more than move stuff around."

The rest of the group followed Penny's lead and while she perched on the armrest of the white lounge chair, they milled about the apartment, Amy taking a seat next to Sheldon. Howard and Raj opted to mill about the entertainment system, slowly resetting up the TV and all the gaming systems before Sheldon blew another gasket. Bernadette busied herself in the kitchen preparing tea.

"They didn't _take_ anything, Penny?! Perhaps they stole nothing tangible but they broke into my home and made off with any shred of security I had left after the _last_ time this happened! It seems a pattern is forming as Pasadena lurches into the bowels of hell." He was breathing erratically, his eyes darting around the apartment frantically.

Penny looked uncertainly to Amy who reached out and placed a calming hand on Sheldon's knee but he hardly seemed to notice as he cradled his head in his hands.

"Listen, I really don't think they'll be coming back here anytime soon," Penny said soothingly but Sheldon only lowered his hands to glare at her.

"There is no way to know that," he answered sternly but she grinned a lopsided grin in response. "Without being apprehended by the police, they are likely wandering the streets, waiting for the perfect moment to strike again."

"Well, I didn't _apprehend_ them, but I kept a little something to make all that a lot easier." Sheldon looked confused as she swept over to the doorway and picked up the pile of cloth he had seen on the ground earlier. As she held them up, understanding set over the group. Bernadette giggled and Howard and Raj gaped.

"You _pantsed_ them?! How did you manage that?!" Howard said incredulously, a smile coloring his voice.

"I guess I learned some things from Kurt," Penny shrugged while she slipped back over to the white lounge and dug around in the pockets of the two pairs of jeans, pulling out two wallets. Sheldon calmed down enough to focus for a moment and his eyes landed on her hands while she flipped open the wallets and pulled out two ID cards. While Raj and Howard snatched up the cards, his eyes followed Penny's hands back to her lap a frown on his face.

"Penny," he said much more softly than the panicked shrieking he had been using before, "Your hands." He froze, his eyes locked on her shaking hands. The knuckles were beginning to bruise and a few were bleeding. He swallowed hard, fighting the urge to faint.

"They're really not so bad," she said glancing down at them before he met her gaze for the first time since he arrived home. She had another bruise forming on her cheekbone, just red and puffy now but likely to swell up in no time.

"Your face!" he said again and now everyone turned to look at her.

"Not your beautiful face!" Amy chimed in, concerned.

Feeling sheepish, Penny shrugged. "It's really not so bad," she said, indifferent. "I've been in way worse condition before. One time during Junior Rodeo, I practically got trampled by a horse. Fractured a rib. I still came in first place," she finished proudly and took the ice pack Bernadette offered her and pressed it to her face.

"Being stomped by a wild animal in sport is significantly different than facing two grown men in a fight," Sheldon said harshly but Penny only shrugged. She didn't think anyone would react too well if she told them about the many times she had chased junkies off her father's property after her brother started cooking meth in the old tool shed behind the barn.

Instead she said, "Yeah, I'd take the men any day. Generally people getting caught breaking in aren't particularly smart. Besides, people have a habit of underestimating me."

Amy grinned at her widely from beside Sheldon, "Oh, Penny. Our golden warrior goddess," she said fondly and Penny smiled and laughed.

"So are you going to call the cops?" Bernadette asked, handing Sheldon a cup of tea. "Or are we going to deal with these guys on our own?" she added in her deceptively sweet voice, taking the ID's from her husband and studying the information.

As the group debated the best course of action, Penny leaned back into the cushions and sighed, ignoring their banter. The last vestiges of her adrenaline were dissipating in her blood stream and it left her exhausted. Her knuckles throbbed slightly and she glanced around for the pizza box. Food would make her feel better.

She glanced over to Sheldon and was surprised to see him staring at her, abstaining from the conversation and studying her over his cup of tea. She reared back a little under his gaze but suddenly he stood, hauling her up with him.

He dragged her to the kitchen counter and opened the pizza box, looking at her pointedly. She took a piece with a guilty smile before he dragged her off again, down the hall and into the bathroom.

She set her ice pack down on the edge of the sink and studied the forming bruise in the mirror while she gobbled down her pizza. When she had looked at it earlier, it was only barely pink, but now it was turning a color closer to red and getting puffy.

"You're going to have quite the shiner, Penny," Sheldon said gruffly while he dug around in the cabinet.

"Looks like it," she conceded, taking another huge bite. "But you know, I think being a little banged up really helps with my tips. I mean, I get a lot of questions about abusive boyfriends and stuff, but when Amy broke my nose I nearly doubled my hourly wage with tips."

She was prodding gently at the swollen skin when Sheldon's hand, encased in a plastic glove, grabbed her chin and turned her face towards him. He carefully dabbed at her tender tender flesh with a wet cotton ball that smelled like antiseptic.

"What is that?" she asked, trying to glance at the counter but Sheldon's firm grip on her chin kept her still. Huffing, she groped around blindly on the counter and brought a plastic bottle up to eye level over his shoulder. "Witch Hazel?!" She giggled, surprised. "Geez Shelly, you really are a country boy after all," she said teasingly, relishing when Sheldon's eyes narrowed and he tutted.

After he finished with her face, he lifted her right hand and, after visibly paling, began dabbing her slightly bloodied knuckles with the cotton ball. She shoved the last piece of crust in her mouth and studied the little crease between his eyebrows as he frowned.

"Penny," he said quietly, startling her out of her daze, "while I certainly appreciate the gesture and I _am_ relieved to be spared the effort of re-purchasing my belongings yet again, those possessions are, in fact, replaceable."

She swallowed her crust heavily. "Not all of them," she said simply and his large blue eyes flashed up to her face.

"To what are you referring?" he asked with a furrowed brow and much to his confusion she smirked and changed the subject.

"You know, Sheldon, I think I might have an eidetic memory too," she said cheerily and he stared at her blankly a moment before responding.

"Considering your inability to remember simple orders at The Cheesecake Factory, I highly doubt that," he said stiffly. He released her right hand and picked up her left. After a moment of silence he groaned. "What evidence do you have to support that hypothesis?"

Penny grinned into his face, the smile contrasting heavily with her bruising cheek. "When I stormed in, one of those creeps was stuffing your laptop into his bag. In that second, I had a flash of you typing at that thing every morning, of the nights you paced between your white boards and the keyboard." He paused in his dabbing to meet her eyes. She had a soft expression on her face, one that Sheldon frequently saw her wear, but one he couldn't quite place the meaning of.

"I don't know what you are working on but I've seen how much you put into it. Whatever you've got on there doesn't seem replaceable to me." The hand he was holding gently squeezed his fingers and he looked back down to her bruised knuckles and her thin, feminine hands.

He cleared his throat. "Yes, well, those sound like normal memories to me."

A Cheshire smile flashed her white teeth at him and her eyes sparkled. "Hmm, maybe you're right," she said airily.

"I'm always right," he immediately replied. "Besides even if _you_ do not have an eidetic memory, _I_ still do. I could reproduce that work within a matter of hours."

"Oh," she said, sounding surprised. "I hadn't thought of that."

"No," he returned, dropping her hand and pulling his gloves off with a snap. "Of course you didn't." He busied himself putting away his first aid kit while Penny fondly looked on. He turned then, looking at her through his lashes in that boyishly charming way that was utterly unintentional. "But it was a... thoughtful... observation." He gulped. "Thank you, Penny," he struggled out.

Penny smirked at him and patted his back endearingly. "You're welcome, Moonpie."

* * *

Penny groaned loudly, throwing her head back in frustration. "Why can't I just sleep in Leonard's room?" she moaned, struggling valiantly to overthrow Sheldon's crazy demands but so far they'd just gone around in circles.

"What if the burglars return? With you on the couch, you'd be able to hear them enter and chase them off with your Nebraskan Brawn before they murdered either of us in our sleep." He said it in a flat, perfectly reasonable voice and Penny groaned aloud again.

In the end, Penny had convinced Sheldon to call the police. When they had returned from the bathroom, Amy was talking about cocaine addicted monkeys, Bernadette was plotting chemical warfare and Howard and Raj were debating whether they could slip M.O.N.T.E. II in and out of the perpetrator's homes without being seen.

Alarmed, Penny had dialed 911 on the phone and pushed it into Sheldon's hand before his intrigued expression could get any more terrifying.

They'd filed a report and the police had taken the two IDs (shooting Penny an appraising look when she told them she'd pantsed the two thieves) and then they left, promising to be in touch once the men were caught.

Despite all that, Sheldon was still terrified to spend the night alone. Apparently the landlord wouldn't be over to fix the door until the next day and Sheldon kept using the expression 'sitting ducks.'

"I'll leave Leonard's door open, okay? That way, even if they show up and I don't hear them, they'd see me, the one who beat them up and took their pants, and attack me first. You'd be fine."

That statement, however, only alarmed Sheldon more. Penny frowned. That wasn't as reassuring as she was hoped it would be but she was exhausted and really off her game.

"Maybe we should just sleep in your apartment tonight, Penny," he said shakily, returning to the same point he'd made at least twice already. "It has a functioning lock and is somehow immune to the petty acts of thievery that plague 4A."

"No way! I'd be sleeping on couch there too!" Penny fumed. Sheldon had been pretty well behaved for the last month but it seemed he wasn't entirely over being a demanding, selfish jerk. Penny resisted the urge to shake him but only just.

"Then sleep on the couch here," he said decisively. "At least here, you'll fit more comfortably."

Penny was tired. Excruciatingly tired. She had worked all day, come home to a fist fight, and then had to placate an over-emotional six foot tall hyper intelligent praying mantis. She just wanted to collapse in her bed and sleep until tomorrow afternoon.

She locked her green eyes on Sheldon and stared him down, but he only returned the gaze, fear dilating his pupils and wrinkling his brow. He grimaced and she braced herself. "...Please, Penny. Stay the night on the couch."

He still struggled with the 'please' and 'thank you's but if anything, it seemed that stipulation of the deal had only insured she'd be digging her own grave. It was very hard to say no to him when he asked nicely, even if every muscles in his face was twitching his agitation at such a simple act of humility.

She grabbed the pillow he held out in his hands and thrust it onto the couch behind him, sighing. Sheldon let out a huff of relieved laughter and hurried off, fetching her the blankets off of Leonard's bed. She settled herself onto the pillow, and allowed Sheldon to rearrange the blankets on top of her while shooting him an annoyed glare.

He readily ignored her look and instead turned, gently laying Penny's metal bat on the coffee table next to her. "Good night, Penny," he whispered from the hallway.

"Good night, Wack-a-doodle," she answered, a little hostile.

Despite her frustration, she asleep before she heard Sheldon close his door.

* * *

June 7th, 2013

The next morning, Sheldon awoke grateful to be alive. He had slept better than he had expected with Penny standing guard in the living room, but he had still pushed his dresser in front of his door, just to be safe.

As he went about his morning ritual, he reconsidered the events of the night before.

Penny had, yet again, come to his rescue.

She was a strange creature, one that surprised him at almost every turn and never acted in accordance to his expectations. He had even made a separate heading just for her in his daily entries into Sheldon's Log as her behavior was by far the most confusing.

She was an exceptionally attractive woman, which Sheldon noted regularly with scientific indifference. She stood out in any crowd and her integration into his motley crew of friends was baffling. What was most unusual about her good looks were that they wrapped a package that was just as good on the inside as it was on the outside.

That was very unusual, in Sheldon's experience.

He had come across a fair share of beautiful women in his life: Texans, Germans, Californians, Scientists. But amongst those he interacted with, he had begun to notice a correlation between how beautiful a woman was and how much patience they would show him and his friends. It seemed the better looking the woman, the less likely she was to put up with his superior intellect and his well educated companions.

Penny was a bit of an outlier, according to his graph. She was quite high on the scale of beauty and practically off the charts with her ability to adapt to their science/comic book/geek lifestyle. She wasn't always nice and she didn't often understand what they were talking about, but she stuck it out and even helped him and his ragtag group of heroes navigate the treachery of social situations.

For goodness sake, she'd gotten Howard a wife. If he wasn't such a stickler for science, he would have wondered if it was witchcraft.

As Sheldon quietly stepped out into the living room, his eyes immediately landed on the graceless sleeping form of Penny.

One of her arms was dangling off the couch, her damaged knuckles touching the floor. Sheldon frowned. Carefully, he slipped over to the couch and lifted her arm, tucking it against her side. She sighed in her sleep and turned her face towards him, giving him an excellent view of the darkening bruise coloring her cheekbone.

He frowned as he studied it. Penny frequently gave him the impression that she was well adapted to rough housing, but seeing her injured was always alarming. He had nearly shouted aloud the first time he saw her after Amy had broken her nose. For someone as good looking as she was, and especially for someone trying to make a living off of her looks, Penny wasn't very careful with her face.

The thought made his frown deepen. Her inability to take care of herself drove him crazy.

With an eye roll, he strode into the kitchen, filling a bowl with cereal and milk. Though it wasn't as integral as Doctor Who, he like to eat his breakfast while sitting in his spot, but Penny was still sound asleep, her heavy breathing filling the silence.

Last night she had proven, yet again, how capable a friend she was. He studied her sleeping face and wondered if he should let her sleep. She probably deserved it.

With a shrug he decided against it. If he broke routine this early in the day, everything would be thrown out of whack.

"Penny," he said solidly above her.

She moaned and turned in her sleep.

Sheldon blinked. "Penny, you are in my spot."

She groaned again but this time she sat up with her eyes closed, her body bent at the waist, reminding Sheldon of old vampire movies. Without ever opening her eyes she fell forward, leaning her weight against the back of the couch.

Sheldon shrugged and seated himself in his spot, flipping on the TV, muting the volume, and turning on the captions before settling in with his breakfast.

As he munched, Penny slowly started sliding along the couch, the leather offering no traction to keep her upright. With the lightest of pressure against his arm, she settled herself against him, still fast asleep, his shoulder nestled between her shoulder blades.

For a moment Sheldon froze, unused to such intimacy. Her body was warm against him and her weight was surprisingly pleasant, even comforting. With a resigned sigh, he resumed watching the television, staying in his seat long after he had finished his bowl of cereal.


	4. The Algebra Conundrum

June 17th, 2013

Worrying her lip between her teeth, Penny counted down in time with the kitchen timer, grinning once it started to beep. With a hand towel she had stolen from the bathroom (for the life of her she could not find her damn oven mits) she carefully pulled her cast iron skillet out of the oven and rested it on the counter, breathing deeply the delicious smell of home cooked food.

Surveying the golden crust of the cornbread, Penny nodded to herself, satisfied. Cornbread was just about the only thing she _really_ knew how to cook and that was only because she'd cooked it in her childhood along side her grandmother more times than she could count before the woman had passed away. Penny liked to consider it her specialty, though she only resorted to cooking it in dire situations.

She paced around the apartment while it cooled a few moments and frowned while she debated how dire the situation really was.

Hopefully her grandmother's recipe could work its magic on Sheldon, though it was Thai Night and Penny wasn't quite sure what the policy was on treats. It wasn't like he had a Special Bribery Baked Goods Night. She was finding herself kind of wishing that he did. She suspected everyone would benefit from such a ritual.

But Sheldon was a southern boy through and through, and that meant he practically had gravy instead of blood. No _real_ southerner could resist the temptation of good cornbread, and as far as Penny was concerned, her grandmother's was the best.

She frowned while she piled the still hot pan and the towel over her college math book and pulled open her door.

Whether he would eat it or not, he had established the custom of presenting one with baked goods when you asked a favor, and if Penny was going to be making a request of him, she figured it would be smart to play by his own rules.

Crossing the hall, she paused outside the door to 4A, thinking. She usually just walked in. Sheldon almost always left the door unlocked for her and their friends, but while he had mostly stopped making snide comments about her entering unannounced in favor of a pinched, exasperated face, she told herself she should appeal to him in every way she could think off.

With that, she planted her feet firmly and knocked.

_Knock, knock, knock, _"Sheldon?"

_Knock, knock, knock,_ "Sheldon?"

_Knock, knock, knock,_ "Sheldon?"

She took a deep breath and straightened out her shoulders before he swung the door open, his eyebrows raised skeptically.

"Good evening, Penny. How rare of you to knock." His eyes snapped down to the still steaming pan of cornbread and his eyes narrowed.

"Hey, Sheldon. This is cornbread," Penny said, holding the pan in front of her proudly while Sheldon looked down his thin nose at it. Seeing his doubtful expression she pressed on. "I believe it's customary to invite me in after I've offered you an unsolicited gift of food."

She grinned widely as he pulled open the door and followed close to her heels as she led the way into the kitchen. "Tonight it Thai Night, Penny. Eating cornbread with mee krob and chicken satay would be wildly unconventional, ethnically incorrect, and very likely to cause me digestive distress."

Penny face scrunched up but she prepared herself for a fight. She knew Sheldon wasn't going to be easy. He was never easy.

She smiled up to him and settled herself at the counter stools, the cornbread cooling in front of her. "It's my grandmother's recipe."

He stared back at her blankly. "I don't see why that's relevant."

She shrugged and tilted her head. "The secret ingredient is bacon grease." His eyes flashed to the steaming pan then back to her and she knew she had him. "Come on, try just a bite and then we'll go pick up our Thai food. I promise it's good."

"Whether it's good or not is not my concern. Strange foods could throw off my Bathroom Schedule."

Penny rolled her eyes. No one on the planet talked about their damn bowels as much as Sheldon Lee Cooper. "Let me put it this way Sheldon: I _won't _drive us to pick up our Thai food unless you try a bite." She slipped off the stool and fetched Sheldon a fork, holding it in front of his face.

"Penny, we are already two minutes late in leaving the apartment. If we delay further, we risk the temperature of our food." He was still studying her skeptically with his arms crossed and despite his thickheaded-ness, Penny had a feeling Sheldon was suspicious. But if she was reading him right (which she could never be too sure about), he was a little intrigued too.

"Well then, you better chow down," she taunted, twirling the fork in front of his face.

With a huff, Sheldon snatched the fork from her hand and fetched a knife as well. He cut a perfect little triangular slice and slipped it into his mouth. He chewed slowly, glaring daggers at her while she beamed at him.

Penny watched his prominent adam's apple bob as he swallowed. "Well?" she asked, finding herself surprisingly anxious to hear his verdict.

Sheldon mulled it over a moment, giving the answer some thought. "Not as good as _my_ Meemaw's but taking into consideration your cooking skills, or rather _lack_ there of, it is... palatable."

Penny raised an eyebrow. "_Palatable?! _My ass it's only palatable," she snorted and Sheldon looked affronted. "Cut me a bite!" she demanded and Sheldon complied. When she ripped his used fork out of his hands and used it to eat her own bite, he reeled back, shocked. She ignored him as she chewed, talking around the bite in her mouth, "What are you talking about? This is delicious!"

She refrained from adding that unless Meemaw's cornbread induced orgasms, there was no way hers was better. Somehow she suspected putting the words 'Meemaw' and 'Orgasm' together in a sentence wouldn't win her any favors with Sheldon. It might even make his brain explode.

But Sheldon only 'Hmm'ed in response, daintily removing the fork from her fingers and placing it in the sink. "Yes, well, now that I've taken a bite, we can finally leave to pick up our no doubt lukewarm Thai food," he said and Penny rolled her eyes.

Okay, so winning him over with a delicious treat didn't work as well as she had hoped. She hadn't _really_ thought it would but she had definitely hoped.

"Yup," she answered resignedly, popping the 'p.'

After Sheldon locked and checked the door to 4A, they began their decent down the stairs walking shoulder to shoulder.

Penny tried valiantly to keep in her indignation but it bubbled out of her at Sheldon's haughty glance in her direction. "_Palatable_, Sheldon, really?!" she said disbelievingly, turning her body towards his.

Sheldon shot her a smug smile. "Penny, I have no doubt that your grandmother's cornbread is the best you have ever tasted, and it is in fact, _adequate._ But you were held back from truly exceptional cuisine by your geographical position. Nebraska is a Midwest state, but it is well known that the _South_ is where man has truly mastered the art of beef rearing, barbequing, and cornbread baking."

"Bleh," she answered him, feeling dejected and Sheldon frowned at her out of the corner of his eye. "That cornbread is, like, the only thing I can really cook," she admitted to him. "Of course it wouldn't be enough to impress Dr. Whack-A-Doodle..." she huffed and Sheldon turned to her abruptly, holding the front door open for her as they made their way to her car.

"Why on earth were you trying to impress me, Penny? You know the likelihood of accomplishing that is disparagingly low" he added and Penny stalled a moment, unlocking her car. She hadn't meant to admit that out loud. _Well crap_, she thought, so much for trying to be subtle.

"Look, Sheldon, I have a... favor to ask you," she said slowly once they'd buckled into her VW and pulled out onto the road. Sheldon's head twitched in her direction and she glanced at his skeptical face before turning her eyes back to the road. "You see, I just started taking this math class..."

"Penny," Sheldon interrupted, condescension dripping from his voice. "While Leonard, took it upon himself to do your homework for you, fundamentally I disagree with that approach to learning." He turned away from her, thinking he'd closed the matter.

But Penny continued on uplifted, "No, that wasn't what I was going to ask. And actually, I agree with you on that."

Sheldon turned back to her surprised. "You do?" he asked, disbelief clear in his voice.

"Yes, Sheldon I do," she answered exasperatedly. "That's why I was hoping you could, you know, tutor me a little bit..." she trailed off feeling insecure as Sheldon's piercing blue eyes scrutinized her profile.

Sheldon raised an appraising eyebrow at her. "Penny, while I'm pleased you've moved past the mindless jock technique of getting your classwork done, your community college Algebra 101 class is so far below me, revisiting it would be a monumental waste of my time."

"First off, I never asked Leonard to do my paper for me. In fact, I had already written a paper which he deleted and replaced with his own!" She took a calming breath. She missed Leonard to death but remembering that whole dilemma still extremely pissed her off. She just tried her best not to think about it. "Second, I already know you are way, _way _smarted than me Sheldon. That's why I need your help."

He looked at her thoughtfully and she took that as a good sign and plowed ahead.

"I've done a few assignments on my own and I'm really struggling. Math has always been my worst subject. But I bet _you _could explain all this junk to me without breaking a sweat."

"Well, obviously I _could_ but that doesn't mean I _should. _I distinctly remember trying once to teach you physics and you floundered horribly."

"No, I know it took a while, but I still remember lots of stuff you taught me." Penny was feeling more hopeful as she continued on.

"I doubt that," Sheldon answered, but he was clearly intrigued. Penny smiled and took a deep breath.

"Given the parameters of Leonard's experiment, the transport of electrons through the aperture the nano-fabricated metal rings is qualitatively no different than the experiment already conducted in the Netherlands. Their observed phase shift in the diffusing electrons inside the metal ring already conclusively demonstrated the electric analogue of the Aharonov-Bohm quantum-interference effect."

She had no idea what any of that meant but she had a memory for lines. That was why she was fairly sure that if Sheldon showed her _how _to solve those stupid math problems, she would be able to remember even if she never really understood why any of it mattered.

Sheldon looked impressed.

Silently they exited the car and Penny stood back as Sheldon bickered and negotiated with the man behind the counter at the Siam Palace. She smiled sympathetically at him after Sheldon reluctantly conceded that his food was indeed prepared correctly and her eyes softened when Sheldon dropped a ten dollar bill in the tip jar.

He sure made crazy-ass demands at every restaurant in town, but the boy knew how to tip.

Once they got back in the car, she glanced at Sheldon to see he was similarly glancing at her.

"Please, Sheldon," she asked, pouting a little as she buckled her seat belt. "I promise I'll try really hard to learn, and I won't be sarcastic or mean or anything."

He looked reluctant but she could feel the tide shifting in her direction. "Why not ask Amy or Bernadette?" he asked and Penny frowned.

She had considered that immediately of course, but had almost as swiftly rejected it. Sheldon's lessons would likely be painful. He would be condescending and a little cruel and he was always so hung up on the bigger picture (that damn 'It's a warm summer evening in ancient Greece' crap) that he totally skipped the important parts.

But he would never give her any of the pitying encouragement that just burned her up inside.

Leonard, Amy and Bernadette had a tendency to harp on about how _great _it was that she was finally bettering herself with higher education. How _proud_ they were that she was returning to school after so long. How much _better_ her life would be once she got a degree.

She knew it was stubborn and nonsensical of her, but it was that kind of talk that made her want to drop out all over again just to spite them. Those were the same kind of things her parents liked to say to her all the time and the point of the matter was they all felt like she was living a life she should be ashamed of.

But Penny wasn't ashamed. She had a lot of fun and that was the thing _she _really cared about. Unlike her siblings, she wasn't cooking meth in her garage or bogged down by a bunch of kids she had with her high school boyfriend. She lived in California, had her own place, and had a great group of friends. So what if she didn't want a degree.

Besides, Leonard, Amy and Bernadette had a tendency to skip the teaching process and skip straight ahead to doing it for her, and Penny had a hard time resisting when it made her life so much easier. But after her history class wrapped up and she had barely written three words of her final essay, she had the depressing realization she hadn't learned a single thing. What was the point of spending her hard earned money on school if _she _wasn't going to be doing the learning?

Sheldon might treat her like an ape but he never acted like her new attempts to learn were something worth celebrating. His whacked out moral compass would never allow him to do her work for her and his weird stoicism and blatant insults had a tendency to rile her up into proving him wrong. His objectively horrible teaching method was probably exactly what she needed.

When she had put that all together the day before, she couldn't help but wonder if that meant she was a little sick in the head.

"Because you'd do a much better job," she settled for, figuring he wouldn't appreciate a tirade about her feelings. Besides, if there was one surefire way to win over Sheldon, it was to stroke his engorged ego.

She could tell from the subtle way he sat up straighter that he had liked her answer.

"Well, I can't deny that," Sheldon gloated, a smug look on his face and Penny had to forcefully stop herself from rolling her eyes. He 'Hmm'ed quietly to himself again, looking pensive. "But it would take up a great deal of my time. After my last attempt to teach you, it has become clear to me that you are a _very_ slow learner."

Penny frowned. She wanted to feel affronted but even she had to admit it was a little true. Without Sheldon's help in math, she would probably struggle to get a D. And even though she would prefer Sheldon to Leonard in this situation, she didn't even have the option of settling with Leonard out to sea.

"Please, Sheldon," she begged, turning to face him once she'd parked her car. "I really need your help. I don't think I can do it without you." She pouted a little at him and she watched his resolve melt into the conceding expression he so often wore for her.

"Oh, alright," he said with a sigh and Penny was glad she was wearing a seat belt or she likely would have launched herself at him for a hug. "But I get complete control over the television programing," he said, trying to sound stern.

"You got it, Professor. Whatever you want to watch." She didn't bother mentioning that he almost always won in the argument over reality television or scifi shows anyways and it would cost her next to nothing. Instead she reached across the armrest and gently squeezed his long fingers. "Thank you Sheldon! I'll be a good student, I promise."

"Sounds unlikely," he answered but he was smiling as he exited the car, Thai food in tow.

* * *

At the end of the evening, Penny happily put her pencil down on top of her finished algebra homework.

She knew for a fact that every answer was correct, and the first lesson which had sounded like gibberish to her in class finally made sense (or at least enough sense for her to pass a test. She still had no idea when polynomials would ever make an appearance in her day to day life).

She stood up, stretching her legs as Sheldon flipped off the TV and threw away his empty food containers. She followed him to the kitchen and reached out to grab her cast iron skillet, the cornbread untouched from earlier.

Sheldon smacked away her hands as he pulled out a roll of plastic wrap. "What do you think you are doing?" he asked her sternly as he pulled out the cellophane and carefully covered the golden bread with plastic.

"If you aren't going to eat, then I'll take it back to my place," she answered simply, grabbing for the pan once again but Sheldon pulled it away, out of her reach.

"As this cornbread was, in fact, a bribe to solicit my help with your homework, and as I have now proven that I will uphold my end of the deal, I believe it is mine." He looked at her challengingly and Penny's face stretched into a bright grin. Her eyes sparkled at him and he swallowed.

"I thought you didn't like it very much," she said teasingly, resting her chin on her hand as she leaned on the counter. Looking at him up through her lashes, she saw him blush and look away. Penny thought how ridiculous he was, blushing just because he couldn't deny he liked her cornbread. He was such a Whack-A-Doodle.

"Irrelevant. Social convention dictates I accept the bribe graciously."

She straightened up and her grin turned into a gloating smirk. "Ah, of course. Non-optional social convention." She laughed lightly, shaking her head. "Well, I'm going to bed. Goodnight Moonpie."

"Nobody calls me Moonpie but Meemaw," he called to her turned back, but she only sent him a soft look over her shoulder.

* * *

June 25th, 2013

Penny proved to be an unexpectedly avid learner and Sheldon found himself pondering, not for the first time, whether she was really as unintelligent as he and his companions believed.

When she began showing him her work that first night as he delivered carefully collected forkfuls of Thai food to his mouth, he had been sure he had made a huge mistake. She seemed to have very little education beyond basic math skills and she often made simple mistakes during the easiest equations.

He had been stern with her, half hoping he would aggravate her enough to chase her away, but she had looked at him with her open green eyes, absorbing as much of what he said that she could, and he was pleasantly surprised to see her catching on.

Sheldon refused to allow Penny to do her homework when the gang came over, adamant that she didn't need any more distractions than her frivolous brain already invented. But some nights, Sheldon did allow Amy would join them, bullied into the understanding that his girlfriend trumped his neighbor when it came to division of his time.

On those nights, Penny would try to excuse herself citing that she didn't want to interrupt, but with a few carefully worded challenges, she would scowl and glare, sinking to the couch with a heavy puff. Sheldon quietly enjoyed keeping Penny over while he and Amy socialized. She made a nice buffer and Amy was much more receptive to Penny interrupting their time together than when Howard or Raj was the culprit.

And despite the fact that Sheldon had once believed it was impossible for Penny to be a good student, everyday that idea was refuted.

Sometimes it took a few tries to phrase something in a way she understood, and she would look especially vacant whenever he tried to explain the story of the men who discovered the math she stared at so determinedly. But once she caught on, she never needed to be told again. When she learned something, it seemed, she learned it for good, and a small part of Sheldon was a little impressed.

One particular evening Sheldon found particularly distressing. Penny was struggling with simplifying radical expressions and even his thin grasp on human behavior was warning him that she was getting frustrated. While Sheldon typed at his laptop from his spot on the couch, glancing up occasionally to catch snippets of a rerun of Battlestar Galactica, Penny sat on the floor besides his legs, leaning over the coffee table and studying her text book.

By the fifth loud huff of annoyance, he suspected she was struggling and leaned forward to help. He explained the problem to her, studying the failed attempts she had made and noting where she'd gone wrong. Her upturned face looking into his was flushed and a line had formed between her eyebrows as she frowned. He filed that unknown expression away to later document in writing as he couldn't quite decipher it.

"English, Sheldon," she demanded wearily once he had fallen silent, and Sheldon raised his eyebrows.

"I can't explain it anymore simply. With my tutoring, a monkey would understand these problems."

The moment he said it, he knew he had done something wrong from the sudden watery look of Penny's eyes and the slight quivering of her chin. He reeled back, at a loss for words, expecting the ever terrifying tears to spring forth, the only situation to which he felt he had no solution.

But instead of crying, Penny bit her lip fiercely turning her full lower lip a becoming shade of pink before turning around and furiously scribbling away at her papers.

Sheldon leaned back, eyes wide and his whole body tense. One of the last things he ever wanted was for Penny to cry. Hysterical women had always been a mystery to him but Penny's tears disturbed him to his very core.

Even as something close to panic edged in as Penny quietly sniffed from beside his knee, his science minded brain struggled to understand why her distress was so very alarming to him. As Penny surreptitious brought a hand to her face and Sheldon's stomach did a strange flop, he decided it was because he knew her so well, lived so closely to her, that any overarching lapses in happiness ran the risk of interfering with his schedule.

His stomach clenched as he begrudgingly acknowledged that this time, any tears of hers could be blamed on no one but himself, though he had no idea what he had done.

He ran over what he said, trying desperately to understand what had triggered her unexpected reaction. He had reprimanded her for being slow to grasp his lesson, something that was not at all uncommon. She frequently struggled and his response was never particularly patient. Thinking it over, his words hadn't been any _less_ cutting than normal.

He swallowed heavily as his thoughts landed on that fact. He _always_ spoke down to her. Yes, she was innately a lesser being compared to him: she was uneducated, unevolved, and entirely too dependent on her emotions. She never wore enough clothing, trapped herself in a dead end job, and she had a habit of making the same mistakes over and over again. She wasfrustratingly, _maddeningly_ foolish.

But she also treated him kindly when many of his other friends did not. She didn't make fun of him for his phobias or disinterest in social norms like Leonard and Howard had a tendency to do, nor did she ignore his opinions when he voiced them to the group, even while everybody else groaned.

His heart began to hurt as he weighed himself against her kindness.

Sheldon had been of the opinion that he was the most altruistic of the group. After all, wasn't it a kindness that he, one of the most brilliant minds of the century, even deigned to spend his time teaching a simple minded waitress fundamental math? For that matter, it was a kindness that he even spent time with her at all. He was expanding her mind. He didn't need to be _polite_. That was just a waste of his precious time.

As Penny dejectedly sighed to herself and scratched something out furiously, his fists clenched involuntarily where they rested on his knees.

But she taught him things as well. Silly, frivolous things, but things that had, in many ways, vastly improved his quality of life. She was always helping him navigate the intricate social constructs of the world, of which he understood very little. She encouraged him with Amy in a way that wasn't condescending or snide. She had even very recently begun teaching him acting techniques to use in his day to day life.

He frowned, feeling his stomach sink uncomfortably in the way he had learned to connect with guilt.

Sheldon wondered if perhaps it would be wise for him to try harder to treat Penny with a little more kindness. Even if she was frustrating and challenging, she clearly worked very hard to appease him in her own Penny way. She didn't knuckle under (Sheldon doubted she was physiologically capable of such an act) but she actively worked with him to make him happy, and sometimes he wondered if her somewhat failed attempts at such were more heartfelt than the total submission he received from the men.

As she turned to face him, her cheeks a little pink and her eyes still watery, he told himself he was raised a gentleman and should try to behave as such, even if that did seem like it would be excruciatingly tedious.

She passed him her work with lowered eyes and Sheldon felt himself fidget as he skimmed over her work. He continued down the page, pleased when he reached the bottom.

"Much better," he told her stiffly. He had no idea how to be supportive and he was silently thankful that she hadn't made any mistakes. He wasn't sure how to say 'you're wrong' in a way that wouldn't be misconstrued.

"Really?" she asked unsure, letting out a strange breathy sigh that tied Sheldon's stomach in a knot.

"Yes, Penny. You did very well. Not one mistake." Her green eyes darted up to him again and his breath and he breathed a sigh of relief. There weren't any tears.

"Oh, thank God," she said with a sigh, flopping backwards against the couch and sinking into the leather.

Wanting to encourage her for withholding her tears, Sheldon uncertainly reached out a hand and patted her lightly on the head, like one would a child or a pet. Penny rolled her eyes towards him but a bemused smile was crinkling the skin around her eyes and he figured he must have done something right.

* * *

Later that night, once Penny had retired to her own apartment, Sheldon sat stiffly at his desk, a pen hovering over the composition notebook he had recently acquired for the sole purpose of documenting Penny's confusing behavior. It made it easier to skim through his previous encounters with her, a habit he had taking up performing after a night spent in her company, mostly in the hopes of making sense of her erratic emotional scale.

He wondered how many pages he would have to fill before she would stop surprising him.

He pushed his pen to the paper, a thought slowly taking shape in his head.

_The harder she is pushed, the harder she pushes back. _

He lifted the pen and stared hard at the closed door of 4A, wondering distantly what Penny was doing on the other side of the hallway.

* * *

Author's Note: I've decided to kick up the rating from K+ to T and I'm sorry if that troubles anyone. I don't expect anything to spicy to come up quite yet but I was thinking that between the sparse coarse language and potential 'minor suggestive adult behavior,' I wanted to play it safe.

Also, the chapters seem to be getting longer and longer which unfortunately means they take a little longer to write. Sorry about that. My original outline is already being stretched as new ideas crop up so I hope you are enjoying coming along for the ride.

And thanks again for all the reviews! I love hearing from you.


	5. Close Encounters

July 1st, 2013

With a happy sigh, Penny dropped her pencil victoriously over her completed algebra homework, glancing up to Sheldon where he observed her from his spot.

"Done!" she chirped somewhat haughtily and Sheldon rolled his eyes, leaning forward to snatch her papers out from under her.

"We'll see," he said in answer, his eyes darting swiftly across the page.

Penny stuck her tongue out at him and even though his gaze didn't rise from the paper, he lifted an eyebrow in acknowledgment. She continued to watch his careful perusal of her homework and for just a moment she considered how incredibly lucky she was to have her crazy genius neighbor waste his time to teach her math.

Not that she would ever tell him that. If his fat head got any bigger it'd probably explode.

But the last couple of weeks had easily been the best of Penny's academic life and she was not ashamed to admit (at least to anyone but Sheldon) that it was entirely thanks to the lanky physicist perched on the couch in front of her.

For the first time _ever_ Penny didn't feel overwhelmed while the teacher droned on at the front of the class (okay, so she still sometimes drifted off but come on, she couldn't _always_ be a good student). She was getting a solid A, something that she had never accomplished without cheating, and for the first time she could see, just a_ teeny tiny little bit_, why these boys so loved education. There was something very rewarding in actually _feeling_ smarter.

Sheldon handed her paper back to her with a somewhat pleased look and stood up, pacing over to the television. "Everything is correct," he answered simply and Penny did a little happy shimmy as she stood and threw herself onto the couch. When she glanced up to Sheldon he was looking at her, an odd expression clouding his face. When she shot him a questioning look, he quickly averted his gaze. "It seems that despite my original doubts, you are in fact getting better at completing your work. It takes you less time to finish your homework, and you ask me less questions everyday."

Penny grinned up at him as she stretched across the couch, wiggling her legs victoriously in Sheldon's spot. "Sheldon! Did you just call me smart?" she asked coyly and smiled even more brightly at the flat look he shot in her direction.

He opened his mouth to retort but paused for a moment, his eyes flashing with thought. "I merely observed that you are progressing well with your studies. And while in our group, you are clearly least educated," Penny rolled her eyes, "in comparison to the rest of the world, I have no doubt you may very well be above average."

He turned his back to her while he inserted a disk into the bluray player. Penny was a little glad of his diverted attention as she had sat up abruptly and gaped without actively choosing to do so.

Sheldon _had_ called her smart! ...At least she was pretty sure he had.

Penny braced herself against the cushion for the end of the world but as a few seconds ticked by and nothing disastrous happened, she felt her insides go soft. Somehow kindness from Sheldon always seemed to mean so much more. She suspected it had to do with his innate inability to act on ulterior motives. He was utterly genuine so any nice words or generous actions (though few and far between) came from _him. _He wasn't trying to play it cool or get into her pants. He was seriously, _actually_ being nice.

She grinned stupidly at Sheldon's lean back. It took a lot of work to be friends with Sheldon Cooper but it had it's moments.

"Well, having a genius study buddy helps," she grumbled a bit shyly, never too sure how to take a compliment from Sheldon and even less willing to return the favor. He did it himself often enough. But his unexpected comment had shocked it out of her.

He turned back to the couch and gave her one of his odd boyish smiles before situating himself back into his seat.

The menu for Star Trek the original series loaded up on the screen and Penny settled herself more deeply into the middle cushion. Sheldon navigated to the episode they last left off on, 'The Enemy Within,' and Penny allowed her mind to drift as the opening titles played.

Sheldon was changing somehow. It wasn't anything drastic and it seemingly happened so subtly over time that she hadn't noticed right away, but he was, in his own strange way, treating her a little more like a human being and less like something unpleasant stuck to the bottom of his shoe.

She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye and couldn't keep the smile of her face when she took in the excited way he was absorbing the show.

They still bickered like an old married couple and he never failed to rise to her bait, but there were less outright statements demeaning her intelligence and his "corn-husking" comments had slimmed down to once a week. She hadn't actively noted the difference until the night before when Sheldon laid into Howard with a ferocity she hadn't realized she'd forgotten. Not to long ago, it had been her most frequently on the receiving end of his scathing remarks but now, even when he pointed out mistakes on her homework, he did so with his unique brand of Sheldon-y gentleness (which was still blunt and fairly harsh, but he no longer compared her to an ape, which she was very happy about).

As Sheldon shifted on the couch beside her, Penny mentally shrugged.

Sheldon was a strange man, in some ways more child than adult, and Penny had long ago acknowledged that trying to understand his mad scientist thinking was about as easy as her trying to understand quantum mechanics. He was needy and demanding, controlling and finicky as hell. And now _she _must be bat shit crazy because at some point, she had starting viewing his ridiculous quirks with just a twinge of endearment.

That was another thing she was never going to say aloud for fear of being committed to an insane asylum, but it didn't make it any less true. He was a weird kid, but he was so utterly confident in being weird that his oddities just turned into a piece of the Sheldon puzzle.

With a grin, she turned her attention back to the show, giggling madly when a dog in a ridiculous furry getup with horns and quills showed up in Sulu's arms.

They watched the episode in companionable silence and once the end credits wrapped up, Sheldon paused the show, turning to face her as he always did after viewing an episode, another strange ritual she begrudgingly enjoyed.

Turning to sit with her legs crossed underneath her, she dived right into the discussion she knew he wanted to have. If there was one thing Sheldon loved more than watching _Star Trek_ the original series, it was talking about _Star Trek _the original series.

"So I think I figured something out," she started with, and Sheldon's skeptical eyebrow didn't deflate his obvious happiness to be discussing one of his true passions.

With a condescending head tilt, he narrowed his eyes. "What do you believe you've deduced, Penny?"

"This show is pretty much _The Twilight Zone _in space." Sheldon frowned and tutted. "No hear me out," Penny rushed, hoping to head him off before he interrupted and spent an hour lecturing her. He would get to lecturing her eventually no matter what, she just wanted to get her part in before he talked her to sleep. "It's almost an anthology, each episode completely independent, only in _Star Trek_ there is a key group of characters who keep experiencing a range of strange events, though so far, none of those events ever carry over into another episode. Every episode follows a very similar rhythm to_ The Twilight Zone_ too except with the addition of space: explore some new or recently deserted planet, encounter something suspicious, things spiral wildly out of control, and the crew is left to figure out how to put everything back together again."

Sheldon looked uphappy. "_The Twilight Zone_ was serial and ridiculous at best."

"Oh come on. Like you couldn't take the whole 'Kirk gets split into two guys, a good one and a bad one' and transpose it right into _The Twilight Zone_."

"I find it much more likely that humans might experience these sorts of troubles with a transporter in the unknowable fabrics of the universe. A gremlin on the wing of a plane is hokum." Sheldon was frowning but Penny had suspected long ago that Sheldon rather liked a good debate, even if he would never change his opinion.

"Hey, I like _The Twilight Zone!_ And speaking of gremlins on planes, doesn't William Shatner star in that one? He even bridges the gap!"

"Both series share a good amount of actors and writers," at Penny's smug grin, he continued on louder, "but that doesn't mean they are the same."

"No, of course not," Penny conceded, but her coy look and raised eyebrow made her look haughty. "But they _are_ pretty similar."

Sheldon huffed airily and stood, stalking to the kitchen. Penny grimaced to herself, aware that if she didn't change the conversation and soon, Sheldon was going to get pretty unpleasant. Apparently _The Twilight Zone _was a sore subject for Sheldon.

"And why did women in the 60's talk like that?" There, Penny thought to herself. Safe ground. Not even technically _Star Trek _related.

"Like what?" Sheldon asked stiffly from the kitchen, pulling a water from the fridge and unscrewing the cap.

Penny put on her best breathy simper, "Like they're from a bad porn movie."

Sheldon stood for a moment, his frown momentarily forgotten while he thought. "You know, I hadn't noticed that," Sheldon said at last, crossing the space back to the couch and taking his seat. "I suppose it's for the same reason they dressed the way they did. It was in fashion; deemed attractive. As actresses, a large part of their job is being appealing, especially on a program targeted towards men."

"Do you think if I talk like this, I'll get more parts?" Penny asked with a grin, still using her most over-the-top sultry voice she could manage.

Sheldon shrugged in her direction. "Well, it seemed to have worked for Grace Lee Whitney."

"Hmmm..." Penny mused with a smirk. That voice would definitely help her land parts, just not in the right movies. "Speaking of which, why is it that in half the episodes so far, when something goes wrong and the crew start acting crazy, the first thing the men do is find some lady to molest?"

Sheldon sipped his water primly. "I suppose with lowered inhibitions or the absence of morality, the so-to-speak '_inner__beast'_ emerges."

"_Inner beast_?!" Penny's laughter bubbled out of her uncontrollably. Something about _Sheldon _talking about lust was just one of the funniest things she could possibly imagine. "What about _your_ inner beast, Sheldon? Should we find some space germs and call Amy over?"

He looked at her blandly. "Penny, my self control is advanced past petty molestation, even with the addition of 'space germs'" he said serenely, but his Texan accent slipped through at the end, belying his discomfort and Penny only laughed more.

"You can't know that!" she replied jovially. "Even Spock cried."

"Penny, there is very little I don't know. And though Spock did cry, he removed himself from any company beforehand. He still retained a good potion of his self control."

"Uh-huh," Penny said disbelievingly, happily absorbing the blush beginning to tint his cheeks. "I'm not..." but she trailed off as her pocket began to vibrate.

Pulling her phone from her pocket, a little bubble of excitement burst in her stomach. The screen read 'Leonard.' With a little gasp, she jumped off the couch and paced to the kitchen, accepting the call and placing the phone to her ear.

"Leonard!" she said excitedly.

"Hey, Penny!" Leonard's voice answered, a little distant and static-y but still Leonard all the same. Though he had told her before he left that the phone connections were pretty good, he had been sadly mistaken. In the two and half months he'd been gone, he only managed to call her five times and each was cut short suddenly when the connection was lost.

It sucked hard but Penny was happy that emailing was still a viable option. Besides, every time she heard from him, it sounded like he was busy and didn't have much free time for chit chat. It was lonely but after the first couple of weeks, she had gotten used to it.

"How have you been, how's the research going?"

"It's going great! We're really making progress," was what Penny was fairly sure she heard. His voice crackled out in places but even with the bad connection, it was a relief to hear it.

"That's great, sweetie! Have you gotten used to the boat yet or are you still getting sea sick?" she asked and he had just begun to answer when the phone was pulled from her grasp. She whirled around affronted. In her concentration to understand what Leonard was saying, she hadn't noticed Sheldon sneak up behind her to steal the phone away.

Even as she shouted an indignant, "Sheldon!" he scurried over to the couch, rambling a mile a minute into her cell phone.

"...I don't know what you were thinking. It's been three weeks since you last called. Stuart changed the hours at the comic book store. Now it closes at seven on Mondays. I can only assume this was meant to be a personal attack... No that isn't even the day that we go but the very notion that... Yes, she's right here but I don't see what that has to do with Stuart changing the hours at the comic book store..."

In three quick strides, Penny had crossed the room under Sheldon's watchful gaze. "Sheldon! What are you doing?! Give it back!" she cried, but he scurried around to the back of the couch. She let out a small bellow of aggravation and leaped over the couch, hooking her hand around one arm when he tried to flee. When she tried to snatch the phone from him, he turned away from her, pushing against her breast bone with one long fingered hand. His height was her disadvantage and she growled in frustration.

All the while, Sheldon was talking non-stop into the phone, wasting her precious time with her boyfriend. With a final grunt of determination, she decided it was time to go Junior Rodeo on his ass.

Sheldon let out a puff of surprise when Penny wrapped her arms around his middle, tossing him haphazardly over the back of the couch and onto the cushions. He landed with a _fump_, the air knocked clean out of his lungs. Before he had a chance to recover, Penny threw herself onto his chest, one knee on either side of his torso, her face triumphant.

Sheldon made one last attempt to keep the phone by holding it as far over his head as his long arm would allow but Penny leaned over his face and easily snatched it from his grasp.

With as much dignity she could muster, she shook her hair out of her face and brought the phone back to her ear. "Hello? Sheldon? Penny? What's going on?" she heard Leonard question and she calmly cleared her throat.

"Hey, it's me again," she spoke calmly but a little out of breath. "Where were we? Oh yeah, how's your seasickness."

Sheldon weakly tried to shove her off him and made a reach for her phone but a strategically placed knee on his sternum kept him in place, even if he was noisily demanding she remove herself from atop him.

"What?" Penny demanded slightly loudly into the phone. "I can't hear you..." She scowled down at Sheldon who had the sense of mind to look away determinedly. "Well if you can hear me, email me later," she said to the crackling in her ear and sighed heavily, hanging up the call.

"What the hell, Sheldon?!" she demanded as she pocked her phone and determinedly shoved him harder with her knee. "I haven't heard from him in weeks!"

Sheldon scowled up at her from below her knees. "Yes well, neither have I," he answered simply, all Texas twang, and an unwanted bubble of sympathy bubbled inside of Penny. She supposed, very reluctantly, that Sheldon probably missed Leonard too. And she unpleasantly suspected that Leonard probably didn't return those feelings.

Penny sighed heavily and ran a hand through her hair before slowly pushing herself off Sheldon who promptly sat up and began straightening his clothes with a glare in her direction.

But Penny was oblivious, lost in thoughts of Leonard. She missed him, sometimes more than she could bear. And she certainly wasn't enjoying this new round of celibacy. Being alone was nothing new to Penny, and sure, there had been long periods of time when she hadn't managed to get laid, but more than anything, she missed intimacy that included another person.

It was lonely without Leonard. Very lonely. Particularly late at night, in bed, when she really wanted someone warm and alive between her legs. But the closest she had gotten to that in months was just now when she had tackled her neighbor and somehow Sheldon just _did not_ count.

With another sigh, Penny turned back to Sheldon. "Well, I guess I'll call it a night and go wait for Leonard's email. See you tomorrow Sheldon."

She wearily exited, her earlier energy deflated, and if she was paying more attention, she might have wondered about the softness in Sheldon's voice when he wished her goodnight.

* * *

For a long while after Penny left, well past the scheduled time of Sheldon's bedtime routine and customary lights out, Sheldon sat in his spot, lost in thought, a hand pressed against his chest where he could still feel Penny's warmth searing his skin, his heart racing unpleasantly.

* * *

Author's Note: Sorry it's been a while, I just got back from out of town. But now I'm back and plan to pump these puppies out like nobodies business.


	6. The Fundraiser

July 18th, 2013

It was with great lethargy that Penny climbed the last flight of stairs to her cheery little apartment. Since Leonard had left, her schedule had made a few unexpected changes, and she still wasn't even close to learning how to cope with all the early mornings. But having most nights free (she begrudgingly admitted) was refreshing.

It was all Sheldon's fault really; at least that's what she told herself when she rolled out of bed at 9 in the morning, her eyes still glued shut with sleep. Somehow, he had invaded every facet of her life, for better or for worse. After her manager sprang an unscheduled shift on her to cover for a ditching coworker, a shift that happened to fall on a Wednesday causing Sheldon to miss New Comic Book Day and lose two out of seven rounds of Halo, he had called the Cheesecake Factory and had a heated conversation with her manager resulting in nearly all of her work shifts being rearranged.

Now, she exclusively worked lunch shifts (except of course Tuesdays when she needed to present Sheldon his Barbeque Bacon Cheeseburger, barbeque, bacon, and cheese on the side). Significantly longer hours and slightly less pay should have frustrated her more than it did, but having evenings free meant she didn't miss a single free meal with Sheldon and she never _had _to skip (not to say she didn't occasionally ditch) an algebra class.

After what she suspected was an alarming and somewhat intimidating conversation with Sheldon, her boss was treating her better and giving her more shifts at the bar, which she had always begged him for but with few results. Plus, getting off work when the sun was still up made her feel like she had more free time, even if she was still struggling to wake up early.

Luckily, Sheldon usually put a pot of coffee on for her before he left for work and she could stumble over to 4A and steal his milk and dirty his mugs, her small act of aggression for his forcing her to wake up early.

After a slightly longer than necessary shower and after she slipped into the coziest pair of jeans and the softest tank top she had, she sidled across the hall, the warmth of her shower and the smell of pizza reinvigorating her.

As it was Anything Can Happen Thursday, Penny wasn't surprised to find only Amy and Sheldon perched on the couch, but when both swiveled their head towards her when she entered, frustration written clearly across their faces, she paused, startled. For a moment, Penny froze in the doorway and debated turning around and dashing back to her own apartment, but Amy stood to greet her and she knew it was too late to make a run for it.

"Hello Penny," Amy greeted, taking her by the arm and leading her to the couch where she pushed her into the seat between the strange couple. "I'm so glad you've arrived. Perhaps you can settle something for us," Amy continued, a hard note to her voice while she shot Sheldon a glare which he steadfastly ignored in favor of looking haughty.

"Oh man, I'd _really _rather not..." Penny interjected, wishing she had gone with her instincts and made a run for it when she had the chance. But now, as she made to stand, both parties on either side of her pulled her back down by her arms and she flopped unceremoniously back into her seat.

"No, Penny. Perhaps you _could_ offer your own... unique... brand of insight into our dilemma," Sheldon offered, his eyes narrowed on Amy.

Penny grimaced. She was no stranger to playing mediator to the unusual relationship that was 'The Shamy' but sandwiched between the two of them she could practically _taste _the tension in the air.

Then her eyes shifted downwards to the opened pizza box on the coffee table and she decided she could deal with anything if it meant she'd get to eat. She grabbed a slice, transferring it directly from the box to her mouth.

"Okay, lay it on me," she said around the cheesy mouthful, earning her a half reprimanding glance from Sheldon before he slid a clean plate from the coffee table onto her lap.

"Sheldon plans to quit his job," Amy stated blandly and Penny almost choked on her mouthful of pizza. With another disdainful glance, Sheldon passed her a napkin.

"What?!" Penny asked, loud and skeptical in the near silence of the apartment, turning to face Sheldon in disbelief. If there was one thing Penny was sure about when it came to Sheldon, it was that he _loved_ his job. She hadn't even known actually liking your job _was _a possibility until she had met him. The only times she had ever seen him give it up were in times of great turmoil, but the stubbornness written across his well defined features betrayed no distress. "Why? What happened?"

"I was asked to participate in an event which I resolutely refuse to be a part of, and as I will not be persuaded otherwise, I plan to submit my letter of resignation first thing tomorrow morning."

Penny turned her head from Sheldon to Amy as she chewed another bite of pizza.

"He was asked to attend the university's annual Fundraiser Banquet in Leonard's absence," Amy clarified.

"And you don't want to go?" Penny asked simply, feeling stupid but utterly bewildered, as usual, by Sheldon's Whack-A-Doodle behavior.

"I refuse to go," Sheldon answered, his chin held high.

Amy huffed on the other side of Penny while the blonde wracked her brain as to why quitting was the only response Sheldon could supply in reply to an invitation to a party.

"...Why...?" Penny asked slowly, brow furrowed in confusion.

"Why? Why?! Because I refuse to be paraded about like some sort of performing monkey, expected to shake hands with every germ infested senior citizen who is willing to throw change at our feet if we dance for it." Sheldon took a deep, steadying breath and Penny blinked heavily.

"Sheldon was informed that unless he manages to procure donations for the university, his project funding will be cut," Amy supplied and Penny's brain whirred, understanding finally dawning on her.

"I see. Yeah, I suppose Sheldon doesn't perform well under pressure," she thought aloud and Sheldon turned to her affronted.

"Excuse me! I excel at everything I do, no matter the circumstances." Under Penny and Amy's scrutinizing gaze, he relented, "However the donors have, in the past, remarked that my social skills are somewhat lacking. Despite how clearly _wrong_ they are, it _is _them I have to please..." he trailed off, his Texan twang curling the last few words and Penny's heart swelled for him.

Sheldon might have skipped about ten grades on his way to being a genius but he had bypassed all the parts of schooling that taught a kid how to talk to people without thoroughly pissing them off.

"Oh, sweetie. Why don't you bring Amy along? The two of you together would be so ridiculously smart you'd intimidate all the old people into giving you money, social skills or not."

Penny reached for another slice, smiling at the hopeful look crossing Sheldon's face before turning to Amy but she was already shaking her head.

"I can't. This Saturday a new batch of chimps are arriving at the lab and I need to be present to introduce a dose of OxyContin to their systems. Especially after the accident with the last batch..."

"...Oh," Penny said, still occasionally alarmed by the strangeness of Amy's experiments.

"Why don't you join him, Penny?" Amy replied, a thoughtful look playing across her face.

"What good would Penny be at a fundraiser for the sciences?" Sheldon phrased aloud and even though Penny somewhat agreed, his comment still stung. She leveled a glare at him and opened her mouth to show him the half masticated pizza inside. "Only further proving my point, Penny," he told her, his blue eyes boring holes into her.

"No, I believe Penny would be _most _useful in this endeavor, Sheldon." When both Sheldon and Penny turned disbelieving faces to Amy, she continued, "Penny is the only member of our group who displays consistent skills in winning the favor of strangers. If the amount of free drinks she regularly receives on Girls Night Out is any indication, she is already a semi-pro at soliciting money from the general public."

Penny was already shaking her head. "Ames, I don't know anything about science-y stuff. I'd be a complete dunce."

She turned to Sheldon for support but was disheartened by the thoughtful, calculating look he was leveling in her direction.

"Nonsense," Amy answered confidently. "With your radiant personality and outstanding good looks, you could easily distract the patrons from Sheldon's more... offensive... quirks."

Sheldon did a double take in Amy's direction but Amy only shrugged in response.

"No way, guys. I mean, thanks for the compliments, Amy," at least she figured they were meant as compliments, "but I don't think I'd be any good."

"You are an actress, Penny," Amy reminded Penny good-naturedly, an encouraging smile warming her face. "I think your skills would translate well in this situation. You may even be able to give Sheldon some pointers."

Penny glanced between the two geniuses, frowning.

"Besides, these parties tend to have an open bar," Amy said leadingly and the frown instantly melted off Penny's face.

She thought it over with narrowed eyes. A date with Sheldon and a bunch of rich old people didn't sound like the most fantastic evening, but then again, free drinks, a nice dinner, and a night out for once might be kind of refreshing.

Especially if it came with free drinks.

"...I dunno..." Penny trailed off, but when she saw Sheldon's boyishly hopeful look turned in her direction, she sighed heavily. "Yeah, okay. I'll help you scam money off rich old people."

Amy and Sheldon both sat up straighter with pleasure and Penny lifted herself from the couch to grab a beer from the fridge while they chatted amiably behind her.

What was she thinking? The few times she had tried to trick Sheldon into being civil, he had failed miserably. He could almost pull it off, he had sounded relatively sincere when he had wished Leonard good luck on his trip during his going away party, but he had a tendency to blow it when he felt the need to gloat over his success immediately afterward.

She couldn't get him drunk. The last thing the university needed was another pants-less Cooper incident. Unless the old ladies liked Sheldon's thin pale ass... But no, that probably wasn't ethically correct either. And drunk Sheldon was more likely to be even more abrasive than his usual self.

Penny was lost in thought as she leaned her elbows on the kitchen counter and sipped at her beer, studying the well constructed silhouette of the weirdest man she knew. This time she'd have to be clever. She'd have to play into Sheldon's crazy sensibilities.

Sheldon laughed his strangely endearing huffy laugh at something Amy said and flicked his eyes to Penny, a small smile still on his lips. If it weren't for all the crazy shit that came out of his mouth, Penny considered to herself (not for the first time), Sheldon would be a pretty handsome man.

Maybe she could use that. His face and body was, objectively, appealing enough if only she had some trick to keep what came out of his mouth from being 100% Sheldon offensive. She was pretty sure she could spin a certain amount of the mean, crazy things he said, painting him an eccentric genius, but it wouldn't do much good if he was calling the donors geriatric imbeciles or worse...

When he shot her the appraising, calculating look he wore when he was trying to figure out a complicated equation, she was momentarily vividly reminded of Spock and the spark of an idea sprang to life in her head.

A wide grin spread across her face and Sheldon quirked his head at her in response.

No, Penny thought, this time she was going to be clever.

* * *

July 20th, 2013

Sheldon straightened his hair self consciously while he studied himself in the mirror, lost in thoughts of how deeply he loathed university functions. Ever since he was a child, he had been paraded around the various institutes he'd gone to study and work as a child prodigy. When he was young, his name and impressive intelligence for his age was enough to earn him donations.

Now as an adult, apparently he was expected to _socialize_ to earn his keep. And that was where, hopefully, Penny's influence would be useful because he was fairly certain the likelihood of him fainting under the pressure was exponentially growing with every passing moment.

As if reading his mind, Penny rapped on the door to his room. "You just about ready, Sheldon?" she called through the closed door and Sheldon straightened his shoulders. He was a genius and this task was painfully mundane. He could do it.

And if he couldn't, Penny would. He was sure of it.

He swung his door open and was met by his blond neighbor standing in the hallway, one foot lifted behind her as she readjusted the back of her high heel. Sheldon's gaze swept over her as he felt her do the same to him. She was dressed in a flattering black dress that highlighted her body without being overly revealing and her hair was softly curled around her face.

Sheldon decided absently that his first plan of action at the banquet would be to isolate any male donors and sic Penny on him. That dress alone would probably do all the work for both of them.

Penny's gaze, he noticed, had landed on the blue plaid shirt he had swapped for the white shirt she had laid out with his black suit. Her brow was furrowed but after a moment she nodded silently to herself and smiled up into his face.

"Don't you clean up nice," she said teasingly.

"I'm always clean, Penny," he replied, a little confused.

Penny snorted and turned away, leading him into the living room. "I mean you look nice, Sheldon."

"Oh," he said, a strange warmth centering in his cheeks.

He debated whether this social convention called for a return compliment but Penny was already busying herself at the kitchen counter and Sheldon approached, curious.

"Okay, down to business," Penny said brusquely, situating him to stand directly in front of her. "If you want to get those donations, I've got a couple of ground rules that should help. Rule Number One: If someone offers you their hand, shake it."

Sheldon's reaction was immediate and visceral as he reeled back in horror. "Penny, do you know how many _contagions_ one can catch by such contact?"

Penny, however, only watched him, nodding again seemingly unsurprised. "That's why I brought these." Penny flourished a pouch of antibacterial wipes at him. "You are not allowed to use these within sight of anyone else. I'm going to tuck a few into your pockets so after you shake hands with someone, casually tuck your hands into your pockets," here she mimed putting her hands in pockets, "and sanitize..." she pulled out two wipes and tucked them gently into his right coat pocket, repeating the process with his left. Sheldon opened his mouth to protest but Penny spoke over him, "If you want to switch them out for new ones, I'll have the packet in my purse. We can sneak off to the bathroom and restock as many times as you want, just don't pull the wipes out of your pockets in front of anybody but me."

Sheldon considered her, appraisingly. He slipped his hands into his pocket and felt the cleansing moisture of the antibacterial wipes. His pockets weren't overly damp either, as he had initially worried about with the moist wipes, and he had to admit, this was a surprisingly clever trick Penny had come up with.

"Acceptable," he said aloud, reciting rule one to himself again. Shake hands. Alright. He could do that. He would just discretely sanitize in his pockets afterward. "Please continue."

Penny smiled winningly at his acceptance. "Rule Number Two: Do not belittle anyone's intelligence."

Sheldon studied her through narrowed eyes. So far as he was concerned, there was nothing wrong with pointing out disparities between his intelligence and everyone else's, considering how great a difference it truly was.

Penny was glaring up at him as if she could read his mind. "I don't care how true it is that you're a flippin' genius and the rest of us are ants in comparison. You are not to say anything of the sort to the donors. Think it all you'd like, but keep it to yourself."

Sheldon swallowed heavily as he mulled that over. It would be a challenge, but he exceeded in all walks of life, didn't he? He nodded, dimly.

"Great!" Penny said, rubbing her hands together and grinning. "Now then, last one. Rule Number Three." Penny turned him by his arm so that they were standing side by side, her heels bringing the top of her head level with his ear lobe. He looked down at her skeptically as she slipped her arm gently into the curve of his elbow. "Once we get to the party, you are not to separate from me at any cost," she told him sternly, but Sheldon was having a hard time processing her words when it felt like every nerve ending in his body was located directly under her small palm.

His eyes were glued to her fingers, the nails painted gold, her hand so decidedly feminine against the masculinity of his suit.

His eyes darted up to meet two green irises, looking at him expectantly. "Yes, ma'am," he said, startled to find his proper vernacular curled by his Texan drawl. He felt his cheeks warm again when Penny's radiant smile beamed up at him with the light of a thousand suns.

She quirked her eyebrow at him and smirked. "I like when you do that," she told him, her voice teasing again.

"Do what?" Sheldon asked, struggling to keep the twang of his childhood firmly locked up.

"When you let your accent slip," she said simply, removing her arm from his when her phone buzzed behind them. "It's pretty cute," Penny said absently, studying the screen of her cell, totally missing Sheldon's intense scrutiny and pink cheeks. "They're downstairs," Penny finished, sliding her phone into her small clutch and turning to face him. "Ready soldier?" she asked seriously.

Sheldon nodded firmly.

* * *

The drive with Raj and Howard was short and amenable, though Sheldon sat stiffly beside Penny in the backseat. She could feel the anxiety rippling off of him in waves, but his face remained stoic and impassive and the boys in the front seats seemed utterly unaware.

"Why don't you seduce yourself an old lady, Sheldon?" Howard called back from the passenger seat. "It worked pretty well for Leonard."

Penny internally cringed. Leonard really didn't say no to _anyone_ that offered, but with a moment of contemplation, Penny wondered how much better off she really was. She _had _dated Kurt for three years. And she had slept with Zach, the most unintelligent person she probably ever met. But they were both pretty good in bed. Dumb boys made entirely of muscle usually were.

"I'm just happy I can finally try to win over some donors without getting drunk first," Raj said excitedly, bouncing a little in his seat and Penny grinned at him in the rear view mirror. Penny was just happy she didn't have to drive. Her plan for the evening was to start off by grabbing one drink to loosen her up. Then she'd help Sheldon win over some donors, collecting enough money for him to continue his project funding, and proceed to get as many free drinks as she could and high tail it out of there before she got sloppy drunk.

She smiled, happy with her own plan.

But as Raj turned into the University's parking lot, she decided it was time to put her last idea into action.

She cleared her throat authoritatively and leaned forward in her seat. "Okay guys, I propose we play a little game."

Howard turned to glance back at her and Raj's eyes met hers once again in the read view mirror. "Now is hardly the time for games, Penny," Sheldon said stiffly, a stern look furrowing his brow.

"No, no," Penny smiled, "It'll be fun, Sheldon. I promise."

"What kind of game?" Raj asked curiously from the front seat and Penny straightened herself up.

"A role playing game," Penny said firmly and the silence in the car was only broken by Sheldon's disparaging tut.

"Listen, Penny, I'm all for role playing games, particularly in the bedroom, but I'm not totally sure right now is the time to play pretend," Howard chimed in smoothly from the front seat.

"Not even if it's _Star Trek_ related?" she asked coyly and immediately she had the full attention of the men.

The car was silent as Raj pulled into a parking spot and put the car in park. He unbuckled his seat belt to turn around and look at her and she grinned, feeling superior.

"Go on," Sheldon sighed and Penny knew she had him exactly where she wanted him.

"Okay, here's the scene," she started, letting her voice convey the drama. "After a daring escape from a Romulan attack, The Starship Enterprise is damaged, stuck immobile in the vastness of outer space. The nearest planet is populated by a race of beings, human-like in appearance and nature, but uptight and hostile towards those of any other species. We have just arrived on that planet as a landing party and it is our job to infiltrate their masses, gather the necessary funding to repair the Enterprise, and escape unnoticed back to our own ship."

Raj was looking at her approvingly and Howard had a bit of a smirk on his face but Sheldon was obliviously deep in thought.

"Who is our captain?" Sheldon asked and Penny grinned. She had him. Perfect.

"Penny, of course," Howard answered, his smirk stretching even wider. "Sheldon's obviously the science officer, Raj is the navigator and I am the charming ladies man sent to woo hot alien chicks into submission."

"You have a wife, Howard," Penny said flatly, leveling a steady a glare in his direction. "No hot alien chicks for you."

Sheldon studied him thoughtfully. "You're the red shirt. There's always some unforeseen casualty and we can't risk loosing anyone important."

"Right," Penny said loudly, struggling to keep down a chuckle but determined to diffuse any fight before it could escalate. "The point is, once we step out of this car, we are on enemy ground and must adapt the local customs. We will be polite, and friendly, but we will also be studying them for their weaknesses. We have resources we need to acquire from them and subtlety is our best bet."

Sheldon's piercing blue eyes were glued on her. She could tell his brain was whirring with thought and for a moment, she was worried he wouldn't play along and she would feel ridiculous. Then he said, "Alright, captain. After you."

Once they exited the car, Penny tucked her hand into Sheldon's elbow and led him to the door, warm light filtering out from inside. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Raj glance askance at her, but she winked in his direction and proceeded into the building.

The moment they entered the room, she felt Sheldon stiffen under her fingers. It was a small space for how many people were gathered and as she had guessed, the donors all appeared to be elderly people, mostly women who had outlived their husbands and wanted a way to invest their vast fortunes that would make them feel like they were bettering the world.

With a gentle squeeze of his arm, Penny convinced Sheldon to look down into her upturned face. "Alright, Dr. Cooper," Penny said and something like surprise and intrigue painted his face. "Let's single one out and pry them for their resources. Remember, be friendly. These are hostile forces, easily offended and quick to pull out of a deal."

Sheldon's momentarily smirked before his face hardened with his mission, determined.

Penny stopped the first waiter she saw with a tray of champagne flutes and snatched a glass off it with her free hand.

"Penny, I don't think you should be drinking," Sheldon half whispered to her, his lips so close to her that the breath of his words stirred the hair around her ear.

"It'll be fine Sheldon," Penny answered absentmindedly, her eyes scanning the crowd for their first attack. "I got this," she added solidly and though Sheldon looked like he wanted to protest, he pinched his lips together tightly.

The two watched as Howard and Raj were approached by a finely dressed woman with platinum white hair and a smart suit and Penny internally hoped they wouldn't screw it up. But as her eyes fell on a dignified looking gentlemen in a fine Armani suit, Penny pulled Sheldon a little closer. Howard and Raj were on their own. She was working for Sheldon tonight.

Sheldon, apparently having the same idea as Penny muttered, "Captain, two o'clock," and he nodded his head in the direction of Mr. Armani Suit. For some reason, it pleased Penny that they were on the same track.

"Just follow my lead, Dr. Cooper, " she spoke under her breath to Sheldon and after he jerked his head in her direction, he allowed her, somewhat awkwardly, to lead him to the table of appetizers the elderly man was circling. When the man glanced up, his eyes danced appreciatively over Penny before they locked on Sheldon with recognition and something a little like awe.

_Bingo_, Penny thought.

"Dr. Cooper, what an honor to meet you," the man said, dusting cracker crumbs of his fingers and holding his hand out for Sheldon to shake. For one breathless moment, Penny watched Sheldon's jaw clench as he took in the bits of food matter still stuck to Mr. Armani Suit's fingers. She felt his arm muscles under her fingers spasm and for a moment, she debated turning him around a fleeing the scene before he panicked and turned the table over onto the man, but then Sheldon slowly and deliberately extended his free hand.

Penny breathed a deep sigh of relief.

"Yes, of course it is," Sheldon answered and Penny rolled her eyes.

* * *

As the evening drew to a close, Sheldon surveyed the slowly emptying room with cold calculation. Dr. Gablehauser stood beside him, speaking politely to Penny while occasionally, surreptitiously, sneaking glances at her decolletage. The sight of it made Sheldon's insides twist, he assumed in disgust, and he pulled his arm a little closer to his body, pressing Penny's hand firmly against him.

She squeezed his arm gently, tilting her head up to him and smiling before turning back to Gablehauser.

Her touch was light but solid and unexpectedly soothing in it's casualty, but still it disconcerted him, such a small little gesture of familiarity. When she had informed him at the beginning of the evening that she would spend it's entirety latched onto him, his mind had raced with dissatisfaction at the idea. Public displays of affection horrified him and he still only reluctantly allowed Amy to hold his hand in private or semi-private moments.

He hadn't done something so frivolous as hold hands or link arms in public since he was a child and Missy insisted he stay attached to her lest he wander off. But that was nearly 25 years ago and Sheldon was a firm believer that physical acts of affection should be left in one's childhood.

But Penny definitely did not agree. She was a hugger, a hair tussler, and an arm squeezer. With the exception of Howard, she maintained a very physical relationship with everyone in their little gang, even Sheldon himself who would not tolerate such behavior from anyone else.

Somehow Penny's affection was unavoidable and after the fever incident in which he _did not _catch the germs he thought would surely be his death, he had spent a great deal of time wondering if her hypothesis was correct. Maybe he _had _grown immune to her Penny Cooties by way of over exposure.

He wasn't sure whether that thought was reassuring or terrifying.

But Penny's warm hand against his arm was steadying. She didn't hover overly close to him but neither did she leave his side, for which he was (reluctantly) thankful. More than once he had spoken to a donor and though he hadn't meant for his words to be unappealing, the sinking features of their faces told him he had misspoken and dread would pool in his gut. But Penny would break in, cheerful as a lark, brushing off his comments with something like, "That's geniuses for you. He's a whiz at Physics but a total dunce at life. Dr. Cooper, didn't you mean..." and then she would go on to simplify whatever he had said but in a way that left the donor smiling instead of frowning, nodding good naturedly at him.

It was terribly impressive and Sheldon wondered how Leonard wasn't in a better position at the university if he always dragged Penny along to show off. But then again, Sheldon thought, Leonard preferred using Penny's sex appeal to win his favors. That was clearly a misuse of her skills, as she had played a heavy hand in him receiving up to $17,000 in donations, and that was almost entirely using her unique charm and wit.

He had likely raised more money than anyone else in the room.

Penny gave his arm another gentle squeeze and he turned his attention back to her and Dr. Gablehauser. "I've seen you before, right?" Dr. Gablehauser was asking Penny, his attention split between her face and her bust line. "But with Dr. Hofstadter, right? At Proffessor Tupperman's funeral."

Sheldon casually shifted angling Penny slightly away from Gablehauser. "She's our neighbor from across the hall and she's currently engaging in coitus with Leonard."

Penny snorted into her fourth glass of champagne. "Jesus, Sheldon! I'm _dating_ Leonard. _Dating_!"

"Right, well, whatever you call your _third_ attempt at the ill conceived relationship you two share, I do believe it is time for us to depart. Raj and Howard are signaling us."

Penny shared a flabbergasted expression with Gablehauser before bidding him goodnight and downing her champagne the moment he turned away. Sheldon looked down at her reprovingly over his shoulder.

"_Coitus_, Sheldon?" she said exasperatedly, her slightly flushed cheeks stirring something uncomfortable in Sheldon. "Haven't we talked about that word?"

"I suppose," he answered drolly, taking great pleasure in riling her up. "But I rather like it."

Raj and Howard were motioning towards the door and Sheldon led the way out.

The ride home was rather quiet. It seemed Howard hadn't managed to make a good impression on any of the donors (of course Sheldon had been correct in his earlier explanation of red shirts and casualties) and Raj had a date with the platinum haired woman Sheldon had seen him with earlier in the night. Penny would occasionally shake her head and mutter, "_Coitus, really?_" under her breath but her gaze was directed outside to the night sky.

Sheldon's arm felt rather cold and lonely without Penny's tucked securing against it and he struggled with the ridiculous urge to reach across the small gap between her and tuck her fingers back where they'd been all night. But that was ridiculous. There was no _need_ to link arms with Penny anymore and Sheldon resisted the urge, though more than once his gaze traveled thoughtfully to where her gold painted fingers rested lightly on her bare knee.

When they arrived at 2311 N. Los Robles, Sheldon was uncommonly happy when Penny slipped her arm back into his, seemingly out of habit, as they ascended the stairs.

"Well, that was a weird night out, but the food was pretty good," Penny shrugged contentedly beside him. "Plus I think the landing party was a success," she smiled up at him and Sheldon shifted his gaze away from her grinning face.

"Yes, it seems my funding is no longer in danger of being cut. Thank you for your assistance, Penny," Sheldon said stiffly to the stairs but Penny squeezed him closer to her and bumped her hip against his.

"You're welcome, Dr. Cooper," she said cheerily and Sheldon's heart jumped in the strange way it had all night whenever she addressed him with his formal title.

He glanced down at her thoughtfully. "I like when you do that," he said, his Texan accent coloring the statement his brain hadn't made the active decision to speak aloud. Immediately he blushed but Penny only turned her face up to look at him, curiously.

"Do what?" she asked, as Sheldon led her to her apartment door. He had been taught it was the gentlemanly custom to walk a lady to her door after a date.

"When you call me Doctor Cooper," he said, his voice a little thicker than normal and for a moment he wondered if he _was_ catching something.

"Oh?" Penny said coyly, turning to him while she fit her key in the lock and the door swung open. "Well in that case, goodnight Dr. Cooper. Sweet dreams." She removed her fingers from his arm and swept them from his shoulder blade to his elbow in a way that set his skin tingling. She grinned sweetly and stepped into her apartment, closing the door softly behind her.

Sheldon somewhat stumbled to his own door, struggling unnecessarily with the keys before fitting them into the lock and letting himself in. He seated himself heavily at his desk and pulled out his composition notebook labeled 'Penny.'

_'Though earlier this evening I had debated the possibility that I have, over the last six years, built up an immunity to Penny's corn-husking germs, I now suspect she has infected me with something much more dire than a cold or a fever._

_'The symptoms include increased heart rate, flushing of the face and neck, hyper-awareness of skin – particularly during moments of physical contact, inexplicable feelings of euphoria, and momentary bouts of madness.'_

Sheldon ran his eyes over the list a few times, his state of alarm somewhat increasing with each reading.

_'The strangest thing is the symptoms only display themselves when Penny is either physically present or present in my thoughts. Whatever new disease she's brought into my home, I highly resent it, though I also acknowledge that I am unwilling to turn her away. Perhaps that is another facet of this illness, possibly parasitic in nature. Perhaps it is dependent on her as a host?_

_'If the symptoms persist, I will see a doctor.'_

Sheldon swiveled out of his chair, aggravated. He'd finish documenting their interactions later. Now he was too riled up, his heart still beating heavily in his chest.

Penny.

She was always the cause of some sort of uncomfortable mess. Sheldon shot a scowl at the closed apartment door while he stalked to his bedroom and changed into his Saturday night pajamas, neatly folding his dirty clothes into the laundry basket and hanging his suit jacket.

His body felt uncommonly exhausted but his mind was still racing, his eidetic memory replaying the events of the evening. He flopped down heavily on top of his covers and closed his eyes, replaying again the sight and feel of her fingers as she slipped them into his arm.

* * *

Author's Note: I am totally blown away by the reviews! Thank you so much, I absolutely love hearing from you guys!


	7. Girl's Night

July 26th, 2013

Penny sighed heavily as the hot water of the shower melted away the tension in her shoulders. She reveled in the fact that she didn't have to work again until Sunday brunch and while it might only by one day off, Penny was overdue for some _serious_ lazy time. Between work, her algebra class, and keeping Sheldon company, the last couple of months had been surprisingly busy, even with her boyfriend's absence.

Penny reached for her shampoo, rolling her eyes when she spotted the bottle. In place of the brand new bottle of coconut milk shampoo she had bought just the day before, her old green apple scented brand had reappeared. Again. She groaned an aggravated "_Sheldon_!" aloud but she suspected her coconut soap was long gone and resigned herself to lathering her hair with green apple.

That was the last twelve dollars she would waste on disappearing soap. If Sheldon was so determined to keep her hair smelling like apples, he'd just have to buy _all_ her shampoo from now on.

He deserved it for how crazy he was being over such a small thing. After Penny entirely ignored his complaints about her new shampoo, he had been sneaking in to secretly restock her shower with the one he preferred ever since.

But that wasn't the only influence he had over the apartment that Penny had once felt was entirely her own. Just a glance down to the adhesive ducks underneath her feet spoke as a testament to that.

Whether Penny agreed to it or not, bits of Sheldon drifted in under the door and little touches of him filled every corner. Despite the fiasco after his first late night cleaning spree, he would still occasionally creep in to tidy up, leaving passive aggressive little notes all over the place explaining how better to maintain her home. Penny suspected those occasions coincided with times of particular stress for him so she didn't really mind, figuring it was somehow therapeutic for the Whack-A-Doodle next door. And even if she did tolerate it, she still had a tendency to slip _her own_ passive aggressive notes into his cereal boxes or his DVD cases in retaliation.

Her particular favorite was when he opened his Lucky Charms to find a crude drawing of a well hung leprechaun and the resulting shriek she heard all the way from the mailbox. They were cleaning marshmallows and toasted oats out of the living room and kitchen for a week. She smiled to herself wickedly in the shower.

His cleaning didn't really upset her that much anyways, even with the snarky notes. She got a clean apartment out of the arrangement so she didn't see much reason to complain, at least now that she knew him well enough to trust him lurking about her apartment while she slept.

As she stepped out of the shower with one last scornful glance at the rogue shampoo bottle, she begrudgingly acknowledged that Sheldon's presence pervaded her entire home.

Penny sidled over to her closet to peruse it's selection and sure enough, with Sheldon's crazy organization schematic, she had no trouble at all finding the casual summer dress she planned to wear tonight for Girl's Night. In fact, with just a glance she could easily see the entire contents of her closet, something she would never have the patience to arrange on her own.

After brushing her wet hair and putting on some light makeup, she went to the kitchen to fetch a snack and it still surprised her to find _actual_ food on her counters and in her fridge. Sheldon had a habit of stocking her kitchen with the food he deemed too close to expiration but Penny still found more than acceptable. Eggs five days before their sell by date, week old bread that was only just beginning to lose it's softness. Further examination of her neatly organized cabinets showed other even stranger foods that Penny was sure _she_ hadn't bought. Studying them curiously, she could only assume Sheldon thought she might enjoy them; like the macaroni in the shape of bunny rabbits and exotic looking hybrid fruits.

As she fixed herself a pot of the aforementioned bunny shaped macaroni, Penny absently gave some thought to Sheldon's strange behavior. It was baffling that he regularly said extremely cutting things to just about everyone he considered his friends, and had absolutely no regards for anyone else's feelings, but that in other ways he was (at least probably) quite considerate.

Like how he always made her a pot of coffee in the morning even though he didn't drink any himself, or how after the one time she had mentioned in passing that she liked Jasmine tea, he always kept a box on hand.

Penny shrugged and poured herself a glass of wine. It was the unexpectedly nice stuff that Sheldon did that made him so endearing to her, even while the rest of him drove her up a freakin' wall.

Like the plans for this evening that they had so adamantly argued over last night while he video chatted with Amy. He had wanted his scheduled night of vintage video games and Chinese food with the whole gang. Amy had wanted her first night off work in two months to be a date night. Penny (sensing the countdown to a Sheldon Cooper meltdown) suggested the two of them go out to eat Chinese food together on a date, and return back to 4A where everyone would be playing _Incredible Crisis_ on the original Playstation.

For a moment, he had calmed down, his face soft in careful thought. Then he'd asked, "But Penny, what will you eat for dinner?"

Confused and thrown for a loop, Penny frowned. She was currently waiting on her newest paycheck to deposit so she was back to pretty slim pickings. "I dunno. Whatever I have in the house. Cup Noodles or something."

Sheldon had scowled and straightened his shoulders primly. "No, no, that's unacceptable. Friday is Chinese food and vintage video game night. Cup Noodles are Japanese. We will stay home and observe the usual schedule."

Amy scowled. Penny sighed. Sheldon crossed his arms.

In the end, neither of them wound up getting what they wanted. Amy demanded a Girl's Night to celebrate her work break since she was too upset to look at Sheldon, and Penny, despite Sheldon's sad and confused expression, had no choice but to agree. If Amy needed a night to vent about her insane boyfriend, Penny figured she deserved one more than anyone else on the planet.

As she sipped wine at her counter and ate her macaroni straight from the pot, Penny considered the way the plan for the evening _had_ turned out. Amy and Bernadette were coming over for a long overdue Girl's Night. Howard and Raj were going to be across the hall with Sheldon, distracting him with vintage video games, though Penny suspected he would pout the whole damn time.

With a shake of her head and a big gulp of wine, Penny told herself that tonight, for once, Sheldon and all his _eccentricities_ were not her problem.

* * *

By the time Amy and Bernadette came to knock on her door, Penny was sporting a nice buzz. She greeted them enthusiastically and caught a glimpse of Sheldon across the hall, opening his door for Howard and Raj.

She gave the boys a jaunty wave. "Have fun tonight, guys," she called sweetly across the hall but Sheldon brow furrowed as his blue eyes darted over her features with laser precision.

"Penny, if you plan on going out tonight, be sure to call a cab. You are already too intoxicated to drive."

With that clipped statement, he swung the door closed and Penny stuck her tongue out at the gold painted 4A.

Closing the door and turning to Amy and Bernadette inside, she grinned. "So girls, what do you feel like doing tonight?" she asked, crossing to her kitchen to pull out two more wine glasses.

"Well," Amy started, only a tinge of frustration lacing her tone, "As the challenging and time consuming process of developing an OxyContin addiction in a group of chimps has reached it's potential today, I was hoping we could go out and celebrate my ability to peddle hard core drugs onto unsuspecting animals." Amy took the proffered wine glass and let Penny fill it with cheap red wine.

"Oh, congratulations Amy," Bernadette chimed in, already sipping at her own glass.

"Yeah, good going Ames," Penny added and Amy grinned widely at her. "How about we pre-game a little," she held up her glass of wine demonstratively, "and then walk over to that country bar a few blocks away?"

"Alright," Amy consented. "But I still refuse to ride the mechanical bull."

The girls settled themselves on Penny's teal couch and Bernadette and Amy struck up a conversation about work. At first, Penny easily followed the train of conversation as they spoke generically about their projects and the politics surrounding them but once chemical compounds and specific names for brain parts started cropping up, she tuned out, letting the two genius women talk science while she sipped contentedly at her wine and studied her friends.

Bernadette had immediately appealed to Penny as a friend. For one, working together everyday for a terrible boss and serving even worse customers tended to breed a sort of 'friendship in the trenches.' Besides, Bernadette was adorable, wickedly clever, and just a little bit evil under that sugary sweet voice and body. Chatting together had made the long hours at the Cheesecake Factory a little less excruciating and Penny frequently missed her presence though she wouldn't wish her back for the world.

Penny firmly believed that no one should have to work at the Cheesecake Factory for as long as Penny had.

Amy was a bit different, though. Penny hadn't chosen her at all, in fact the first night she spent in Amy's company was easily one of the most mortifying nights of her life. Two scientists picking apart her sex life like she was some sort of nature special was hardly how she had hoped Sheldon's first date would go and it _definitely_ wasn't her vision of an ideal evening.

And Amy was so strange, which seemed perfect for Sheldon Cooper's girlfriend but Penny found to be rather trying in a friend. Amy was a little hostile at first (though Penny later realized it was more that she simply hadn't much practice at socializing) and, after just a few occasions spent together, shamelessly professing Penny to be her best friend.

Penny was no stranger to the fact that she struggled through life with _major_ commitment issues (she had her father and Kurt to thank for that) and so, accordingly, the pressure of being Amy's 'bestie' absolutely terrified her.

What if Penny didn't _want _to be Amy's best friend? What if Penny couldn't live up to Amy's standard as a best friend? What if Penny grew too attached to this genius stranger who would inevitably realize one day that Penny had absolutely _nothing_ special to offer her at all?

But after three years of slowly getting to know one another, of strange nights spent bonding over the weird boys who lived across the hall, of Penny introducing Amy to her more feminine side and of Amy's patient explanations of Penny's human nature, Penny could no longer deny that Amy really was the _best _friend she had _ever_ had.

Amy frequently spoke of the life she had before Penny and Bernadette, of her nearly 30-year-long search for friendship. Her accounts of high school were sad but Penny always thought she must be so strong to admit so easily to her loneliness and insecurity. Penny was sure it wasn't any small matter for Amy to keep trying after so many failures, but still she pushed on, hoping to make some sort of connection.

But what Penny _never_ talked about was how being popular and surrounded by 'friends' didn't always make you less lonely. She may have ran with the 'in' crowd in high school, she may have dated half the football team and frequented parties with the prettiest girls in her grade, but looking back, she could barely remember their names. She hadn't kept in touch with a single one of her 'friends,' she couldn't even guess what they were doing with their lives now, and she didn't remember even a fraction of a second when she actually felt connected to them.

That was why for a very long time, Penny had been painfully insecure about her budding friendship with Amy. What if Penny was just a stand in for some popular girl fantasy that Amy could finally live out? Penny was always getting stuck with people who only liked her for her good looks and cared very little for her personality, and maybe Amy, with her quick assessment of their friendship, was no different.

But Amy _had _been different. Even though she was a gazillion times smarter than Penny, she listened thoughtfully to every word she said. She considered Penny's advice deeply and offered up her own heartfelt statements indiscriminately. She was a little crazy sometimes (after all, she had to be crazy to date Sheldon Cooper) but she was completely and utterly sincere.

And so Penny loved her. Really, truly loved her. Probably more than she had ever loved any of her boyfriends (not that she would ever say that out loud, Amy had only recently moved past her vaguely bisexual phase and Leonard would totally throw a fit).

That's why when Amy turned to her, an open smile stretching her face and asked, "What do you think, Penny?" Penny's reaction was immediate and genuine.

"I think you're a freakin' genius."

She had no idea what they had been talking about but it was what sprang into her head at the moment. Amy looked at her confused but pleased and Penny wondered distantly exactly how intoxicated she had gotten off of two glasses of wine, but shrugged it off, indifferent.

After Penny finished touching up Amy's makeup and they all slipped on their shoes, they headed out to The Mad Bull Tavern, the closest watering hole to 2311 N. Los Robles.

The bar was fairly busy but they had no trouble grabbing a table outside, far enough away from the hoots and hollers coming from the mechanical bull ring to afford quiet for conversation.

As Penny had suspected, as soon as they'd ordered a round of drinks from a nice looking waiter, Amy rested her head heavily on her hands. "Penny, what is the deal with Sheldon?"

"You are asking the wrong person, Ames. Of all of us, I understand the nonsense he spouts _least_ frequently." Penny patted Amy's hand consolingly. "Sheldon Cooper is an odd duck. If it makes you feel any better, I don't think he was _trying_ to be a jerk."

"Wait, I think I'm missing something," Bernadette inserted, glancing between the two women.

"I wanted tonight to be a date night but he blew it off because of his _routine_," Amy said harshly, scratching at a loose piece of paint on the table.

The waiter arrived with their drinks and Penny was happy to take a big sip of her Long Island Iced Tea. Ever since she'd been taking care of Sheldon, she hadn't managed to get good and properly wasted. He always started frowning at her when she got to her third drink.

Amy must have been following the same train of thought because she swallowed her whole Vodka Cranberry in two big gulps.

"Sheldon _is_ a creature of habit, Amy. Maybe it wasn't that he wanted to blow you off, just that it isn't the right day of the week. I thought Thursdays were your usual date nights?"

_Ah Bernadette_, Penny thought blissfully, enjoying the way her limbs were beginning to feel pleasantly disconnected from her body, _such a smart cookie_.

"Well that is true," Amy agreed thoughtfully. "He is a stickler for his system..." she trailed off, looking hard into her empty glass. Then she looked up, a fierce look on her face. "But I really, _really_ wanted a date night tonight. It's been months since we've spent a whole evening alone together and I had hoped he'd been thinking the same thing."

Penny listened intently as a small bubble of guilt formed in her stomach. Penny spent _loads_ of time alone with him, mostly because he demanded it. And to be fair, Amy had been working all those evenings, but still, it made her a little sad to think that Amy was pining for the time Penny had such casual access to.

"I'm sorry Ames," she spoke aloud, at a loss of what to say that would be more consoling.

"I mean, I've long ago come to terms with the fact that Sheldon lives by his own rules. His free spirit is part of the reason why I love him," Penny discretely snorted into her drink. _Free spirit_? "But lately I find myself wondering what it would be like if he were a normal boyfriend. One that took me out on dates without needing a written request, one that snuggled with me on the couch without needing to be coerced into it, one that actually _wants_ to spend time in my bed..."

Amy trailed off and Penny and Bernadette shared sad worried glances over her bowed head.

"Are you thinking of breaking up with him?" Bernadette asked quietly.

"No. I don't know..." Amy glanced up at Penny and shrugged. "He is a brilliant scientist, a great conversationalist and he has the pale, chiseled good looks of a romance novel protagonist." Again Penny had to suppress a snort. "I want to be with him, but I'm just not sure that what he has to offer me is enough."

Penny's heart sank for Amy and Sheldon, but as she downed the last of her drink, she decided she could try to help out a bit. Sheldon was such a stubborn man, but maybe she could convince him to push just a little past his comfort zone.

Sensing the general sadness and sympathy at the table, Amy perked up. "Well, it's not like I'm going to dump him immediately or anything. I'm going to talk to him about all this, ask him to try to change, maybe even try out some experiments. I guess I've just been thinking about this for a while now and wanted to get it off my chest."

"Well, I think another round of drinks will help you wash that away, at least for now," Penny said signaling to the waiter, forcing herself to be extra chipper.

"So Penny, have you heard from Leonard at all?" Bernadette asked.

"Well, I've barely gotten any calls cause their connection is so bad but I get an email about once a week. He's doing good. He says the project is going great."

Bernadette sipped her drink thoughtfully. "What about the people he's working with? They've got to be some of the most brilliant people in science to be hand picked by Stephen Hawking."

"Yeah, I asked him about them a couple of times. He says they're all great but he won't really get into it. I wondered if he's getting picked on. Trust Leonard to sail away on a ship full of scientists and still be the nerd."

"Scientists can be brutal too, Penny," Amy chimed in. "You'd think cruel acts of aggression are limited to the neanderthal types but we get a lot of crazy scientists too. I suppose that's where that whole 'evil genius' thing comes in."

Bernadette and Amy nodded seriously together and Penny couldn't help but wonder if they realized that 'evil genius' on more than one occasion has been an appropriate description of them.

"But you must be missing him like crazy," Bernadette added.

Penny shrugged. "I'm alright."

After a heavy pause of silence at the table, Penny belatedly realized she had said something wrong. Bernadette furrowed her brow. "I'm impressed with your strength, then. I missed Howard like crazy when he was in space and we video chatted every other day. I was counting down the days a week after he'd left."

"And I missed Sheldon like crazy these last two months and I _still_ saw him every once in a while. Plus we video chat every night." Amy was leaning heavily on the table, swirling the ice around inside her second empty cup.

"You really don't miss Leonard?" Bernadette asked, her sweet voice surprised.

"What?" Penny asked, once again confused and flustered. "No, I do miss him. I do."

"But...?" Bernadette added leadingly.

"But nothing. I miss Leonard. I can't wait for him to get home."

Amy and Bernadette shared a look and Penny internally cringed before she excused herself to go to the bathroom. Instead of going to the bathroom, she stopped at the bar to down two more shots.

When she returned to the table, Amy and Bernadette were wobbling dangerously in their seats and Penny decided it was time for them to head back to her apartment. On vaguely unsteady legs, they all traipsed back to 2311 N. Los Robles, giggling madly along the way.

Muffled video game trash talk filtered through the door of 4A and the girls rolled their eyes as Penny struggled to unlock 4B. Once inside, they snacked on some of the strange fruits Sheldon had brought over and watched an episodes of Sex and the City.

When Howard and Raj knocked on Penny's door an hour later, the girls said their sleepy goodbyes and left Penny to her empty apartment. She poured herself another glass of wine to drink as she absentmindedly stared into space.

She had been unsettled since the conversation about Leonard and she was hoping the wine would dull her confusion but as usual, alcohol only seemed to amplify her problem in the empty space that was her apartment.

Penny absolutely missed Leonard. She didn't doubt that. She missed the wry humor he brought to the group when everyone hung out, and she missed his goofy smile and his strange charm. She missed having sex.

But overall, in his absence, Penny was beginning to see that her life still went on without Leonard Hofstadter.

Well of course it did. She didn't expect to keel over and die without his constant presence, but just that afternoon when she'd seen her Friday email update from Leonard, she'd totally forgotten to even keep an eye out for it.

Penny groaned and took a big gulp of wine, deciding she was the worst girlfriend ever.

It was just... (she had to take another big gulp of wine to even _think_ along this particular train of thought) Leonard was a great guy. Really. He was exactly the kind of man her parents wanted her to settle down with. He was exactly the kind of man _she _knew she should settle down with. But she just couldn't picture it.

Leonard had been proposing to her at the most ridiculous times for the last year now, and every time, her immediate answer came so fast she would blurt it out. _No_. And not because he proposed during sex or at dinner while she watched her ex get engaged, or for any other reason relating to the way, shape, or form of his proposal.

It was _him_. The thought bubbled up with a small dry sob.

And sure, he said he would stop all the proposing and leave it up to her to decide when she was ready for it, but Penny simply _did not _see that happening. Somehow, when she tried to picture what her life would be like with Leonard, getting married, settling down, having kids; all she got was a blank screen and 'no image available.'

Penny hated herself for thinking it because she loved him. She really did. But lately, the intuitive part of her brain that usually got her into a shit storm of trouble kept whispering, '_not enough_.'

She didn't love him enough to miss him every moment when he was gone. She didn't love him enough to treat him the way you were supposed to treat the person you love. And she didn't love him enough to marry him.

But maybe she could! Maybe he would come back home and all the uncertainty that had crept in since he left would just blow away with the wind.

She finished off her glass, and then the rest of the bottle, repeating that hopeful thought to herself.

* * *

It was well after midnight and Penny had just stood up to find a snack when quiet knocks tapped on her door.

_Knock, knock, knock,_ "Penny?"

_Knock, knock, knock,_ "Penny?"

_Knock, knock, knock,_ "Penny?"

Penny made her way to the door in a wiggly line, her legs feeling more drunk than her head, and she swung the door open with more strength than she had intended. "Hey, Sheldon," she said happily, taking in his scowling face and his lanky housecoat clad body with pleasure. His company had become so commonplace that as he stood on her doorstep after the first night they'd spent apart, she realized some weird part of her had missed him.

"Hello, Penny. You're inebriated," he said with narrowed eyes, crossing his arms over his chest and looking superior.

"Yes I am," Penny grinned lopsidedly, unconcerned. "And it's well past your scheduled bedtime, so what are you doing up?"

Penny lilted slightly to the right and caught herself by leaning against the door frame. Sheldon's eyes had followed her slow tilt and something about his gaze seemed particular bright and penetrating tonight.

"There's a crow perched on my bedroom widow sill."

"I thought you weren't afraid of birds anymore?"

"I'm not," Sheldon's eye twitched. "But this hell beast won't cease it's infernal racket and my REM sleep cycle is greatly disturbed."

Penny peered up at him, struggling to focus on his face while the world began a slow spin away from her. Seemed like the wine had made it's way up to her head, and in record speed. Sheldon was looking at her skeptically through narrowed eyes but the idea of chasing a bird away from Sheldon's window sounded like much more fun when she was wasted.

"Okay, lets go shoo away that big mean birdie."

As she began to cross the hall, her gait was wildly unsteady and the ground seemed to lurch away from her bare feet with every step. All of this Penny found enormously funny.

She drifted off momentarily bracing herself against the wall while Sheldon closed her door and opened his, but she was startled out of her reverie when she felt his long fingers slide around her bare upper arm, his grip solid and warm and steadying.

With his firm hold of her, he swept her through the living room and when she stumbled heavily on the step to the hallway, he caught her before she face planted. "Woman, you are as drunk as a skunk!" he ground out, dragging her back to her unsteady feet. With his hands wrapped around her shoulders, he unceremoniously shoved her the rest of the way into his Fortress of Solitude.

She wobbled over to his window and peered out into the dark Pasadena night, but no crow blocked the familiar view of their neighborhood.

"I think he already flew away, Sheldon," she slurred, turning to the man standing stiffly at the foot of his bed. He strode past her to peer out as well, his hands clenching at his sides, but Penny was distracted. She had spotted his bed, a lovely place to sit down while the world spun away, and she plopped herself heavily onto it.

She stretched out sideways, her feet still on the floor, and felt around absently in the slightly ruffled covers. Sheldon must have come straight over from laying in bed because half his sheet was turned over and the space between the covers and the mattress was still warm.

"That wily vermin," Sheldon muttered to himself as he turned around to find Penny flopped across his bed, still in her light summer dress. "Penny, you are on my bed. People can't be on my bed."

Penny groaned and pulled herself into a sitting position but didn't make to stand up.

"I've got to tell you something Sheldon," she said in a serious whisper but the immensity of the statement was lost to her slurs.

"You _have _to tell me something, Penny, although I very much doubt you could have anything to say to me I don't already know."

She followed the direction of his pouty stare to her hand which she had absently tucked into his warm covers and reluctantly she pulled her hand into her lap. "You've got to be better to Amy," she said fiercely, leaning to her left unintentionally and supporting herself on her elbow. "You've gotta get your ass in gear, cause she's... she's a _free spirit_, and if you don't... _satisfy_ her _needs, _she'll find somebody else who can."

Sheldon had raised one eyebrow at her but the tightness around his mouth and the single heavy swallow told her he was at least a little bothered.

"Penny, now isn't an appropriate time to discuss this. You are inebriated and contaminating my bed with all the contagions you picked up at whatever dive you frequented tonight."

Penny raised her own eyebrow challengingly in response and flopped back heavily onto his comforter, wiggling a little in place. His hands on her wrists pulled her up unexpectedly to her feet and he dragged her from his room once again by her upper arm.

She thought he was going to march her back across the hall but he opened the door to Leonard's room and pointed her in the direction of his bed where Penny happily curled up in a lump, pleased that when she closed her eyes, the world didn't spin quite so much. She was beginning to drift off when she felt the bed shift underneath someone's weight. She opened her eyes to see Sheldon's hand holding a bottle of water in front of her face.

She struggled to a somewhat upright position and began chugging down the water. "Thanks to your absence, we couldn't get past the Ferris Wheel mini game of Incredible Crisis and had to give it up," Sheldon said stiffly from beside her and she dissolved into giggles.

She finished her water and before she could set the empty bottle on Leonard's nightstand, Sheldon had taken it from her grip. Penny was already closing her eyes and falling asleep when she felt the covers being shifted around her and her face spread into an affectionate smile.

Sheldon's weight dipped off the mattress. "Goodnight Penny," he said, the familiarity of his voice lulling her to sleep.

"Goodnight Sheldon," came Penny's answer, barely a whisper in the dark.

* * *

Author's Note: Seriously guys, your reviews are absolutely wonderful! I love hearing from all of you!


	8. The Job

August 5th, 2013

Amongst the sea of waif-like blondes with waspish waists and elven features, Penny felt like a homunculus.

She was leaning against the wall, sandwiched between what appeared to be a six foot tall fashion model and a busty blond who could easily pass for a 1960's Bond woman. Penny was the shortest woman in the room. Shaking that pesky thought out of her head, she took a deep breath and studied the sheet of dialogue the casting assistant had handed out, ignoring the way the paper was crinkling under her too tightly clenched fingers.

It had been a few months since her last audition. She'd gotten a little lazy and hadn't made contact with her agent in ages and now she regretted how out of her element those few months had made her feel.

But if she was being honest with herself, she had been a while since she had walked into an audition feeling confident.

She glanced around the room once again and frowned. She could feel the adrenaline pumping in her veins arguing with her over fight or flight as she took in her competition and found herself particularly lacking, but she tried to swallow that thought.

She wouldn't even be here if it weren't for her damned psychic.

* * *

July 29th, 2013

When Penny had first moved to LA from her small farm outside Omaha, she had been dazzled by city life. There was a bar, a tattoo parlor, and a psychic shop on every block. Feeling as though she had thoroughly missed out on a lot of fun by growing up in the middle of nowhere, she was determined to try all them, in order.

She got wasted at a hip little dive bar, got a Chinese character tattooed on her ass, and got her very first psychic reading, all in one night.

Penny had always been a believer in the mystic unknowns of the universe. She believed in ghosts (hell, she was pretty sure she'd lived with the spirit of her grandfather haunting their little farm), she believed in astrology (how could she not when she fit the description of Sagittarius to a T), and she wasn't adverse to the idea of psychics, though of course she'd never been before and couldn't make any assumptions.

That being said, Mary Ethel was not at all what Penny thought a psychic would be. She was middle aged and fairly ordinary looking; she wore plain, nondescript clothing and if Penny had seen her walking down the street, she would never have looked at her twice. But the moment she looked at Penny, she had said, "I see lights. You're surrounded by lights and they're all shinning down on you," and Penny was sold.

From that first visit until her fight with Leonard over psychics, she had stopped in to get a reading from Mary Ethel every couple of months, and the woman was usually pretty dead on. She had warned Penny multiple times that Kurt was going to cheat on her, she had hinted that Penny's progression into fame would be a very long and trying ordeal, and she had even foreseen Penny's meeting with the neighbors across the hall.

"Two men are about to enter your life," Mary Ethel had told a teary Penny during her visit after Kurt's betrayal. "Two men at the top of a tower who will inspire a great change in you. Don't turn them away."

Penny never told Leonard that it was partly due to that advice that she so happily crossed the hall with her two new neighbors, even though she could practically smell the strange on them and they kept looking at her like she was an entirely new species.

And to this day, Penny was very happy that she had.

But since Leonard had made it very clear that he genuinely thought less of her intelligence for frequenting a psychic, she hadn't been back to visit Mary Ethel.

Then one morning Penny woke up with a strange and imperative desire to get a psychic reading, and since Mary Ethel mentioned frequently that Penny had a great intuitive sense of things, Penny didn't fight the urge.

After she dropped off a pouty Sheldon at the comic book store (he was very upset she wasn't coming in with him even though she could clearly see Howard and Raj already inside) she stopped by Mary Ethel's small but tidy little shop.

Seated attentively across a small round table from Mary Ethel, Penny had asked about her career without much actual hope.

"I see an unexpected meeting with an old acquaintance," Mary spoke softly, rolling her hands in the air as if wafting Penny's reading towards her. "An opportunity will surface. Accept it, because I see it opening a new world to you, a world filled with great things. But don't let the pressure around you change who you are, remember Penny, you are an intuitive creature and if you embrace that, it will lead you to good things."

Penny had nodded seriously and listened to Mary Ethel as she explained how critical the upcoming months would be in the formation of her career.

When Mary Ethel had wrapped up, Penny thanked her heartily and stood to leave but was called back before she reached the door. "Don't you want to hear your love reading?" Mary asked. Penny's most frequent inquiries were concerning her love life and Mary Ethel's voice betrayed her surprise.

Penny turned back, anxiety written across her features. With the way she had been thinking about her relationship with Leonard lately, she wasn't sure she could take any more uncertainty.

Penny gulped and shook her head and the sympathetic look Mary Ethel shot her told her more than she wanted to hear but the older woman's voice smoothed over the worry with calm and understanding tones. "A lot of change is coming your way Penny, from some very unexpected places. But you are strong, and you are smart and on the other side of it all, you will be so grateful it swept away the life you live now."

Penny had walked distractedly into comic book store, only half listening to Sheldon lecture the boys on what Cat Woman's costume should logically be made out of as he pushed the 6th volume of _Fables_ into her unprotesting hands.

* * *

August 1st, 2013

After a few days, the levity of Mary Ethel's reading began to wear off and by the time she was tending the Cheesecake Factory bar during lunch a couple days later, her thoughts had moved on to more pressing matters, like how to fix the chip she had accidentally put in Sheldon's Batman cookie jar.

That was why it took three escalatingly loud rounds of "Penny!" for her to notice she was being called.

Penny almost dropped the glass she was drying when she looked up into the white toothed grin of Samantha, the _bitch_ who was an awful waitress and who totally didn't deserve to be the smile of Crest any more than Penny did.

"Oh my god, Samantha! How have you been," Penny greeted, pretending like she didn't despise the very ground the other blond walked on.

"Oh, I've been great. I was just cast as a secondary character on _The Young and the Restless_," Sam simpered, and Penny had to stop herself from grabbing a firm hold of her fake blond hair and yanking.

"Wow! That's great!" Penny lied through her gritted teeth, "That's such great _luck_," she couldn't help from adding.

"Yeah, it was great timing with the filming for the indie flick I'm starring in just wrapping up," Sam answered, he smile a little _too_ bright.

Penny's grin hardened and she returned to absently wiping down the counter. "Anything I can get for you?" she asked, determined to get rid of her new arch enemy as fast as possible (she suddenly could see the appeal in having an arch enemy).

"No, but I've got something I can do for _you_..." Sam said teasingly, leaning her elbows on the bar and grinning her white _stupid_ smile at Penny. "There's this audition I signed up for ages ago, but since I got a permanent gig, I thought I might share the wealth. They are looking for blonds actresses around 25-28 years old and guess who _I_ know that's a blond actress between 25-28 years old?"

"Me." Penny answered blandly.

"_You_!" Samantha repeated cheerfully, apparently enjoying her superior position. "So what d'you say? Wanna go to my audition?"

Penny carefully wiped emotion from her face. She hated handouts, and the thought of owing Samantha one made her physically ill. But staring into her condescendingly cheery face, Penny suddenly remembered the words of her psychic.

And old acquaintance, an unexpected opportunity, great success...

"What's it for?" Penny asked, not wanting to sound to eager even if her heart had started to race.

"Oh, I don't know," Samantha replied infuriatingly. "Some new television show."

Penny resisted rolling her eyes. "Yeah, okay. I'll do it."

* * *

August 5th, 2013

That was how Penny came to be standing in a slowly thinning crowd of beautiful women. She now vividly understood what casting directors meant when they said she looked '_too mid western_.'

She glanced over the lines again, even though she was sure she had them memorized. It was a pretty generic scene between the character she would be auditioning for and a man who was probably her love interest. It seemed like the kind of conversation any two people could have, but the words 'sleeper ship' stood out to her on the page as if they were highlighted and painted red.

Whatever this show was, it was science fiction. Penny could work with that. The boys across the hall had foisted enough scifi shows on her that she could honestly say she had a handle on the genre, and with all the _Star Trek_ Sheldon had been subjecting her to (and that she really actually kind of liked) she was totally in the right mindset to pull off some killer space chick.

So she steadied herself with a deep breath, even though a bubble of doubt had erupted in her stomach. Her psychic said this was her shot, and even if it wasn't Penny wasn't going to screw herself over by losing her confidence. She had already spent the week prior enacting her harsh pre-audition ritual. She had cut out carbs, sugar, red meat and alcohol from her diet (just about everything that made her life worth living), she'd given herself a mud mask two days prior, and she ran two miles every morning.

She was hungry, tired and cranky but she looked her absolute best and that had to be worth something, right?

As the last woman besides herself was called, Penny almost groaned aloud. She was the last audition. That never boded well as far as attentiveness went but at least she'd be the last person they'd see. Hopefully that would help her out some, but as a jolt of nerves shot from her head to her toes, she couldn't help but doubt that.

When her name was called and she entered the adjoining room, Penny knew she was screwed the moment she crossed the threshold. The group of men and women before which she had to perform looked exhausted. The producer didn't even bother to introduce anyone beside himself (always a bad sign) and even the assistant who had called her name was leaning heavily against the wall, clearly spacing out.

Her heart sank as all the hope she had bundled up into this moment burst into a thousand awful pieces.

After allowing herself half a second of despair, she perked up. This was just another challenge and she'd be damned if she was going down without a fight. She introduced herself cheerfully and dutifully answered the few questions the panel in front of her phrased. Then she read her lines.

She suspected the character was written to be cold and hard, her lines filled with big words that bit and insulted as she bickered with her love interest, but Penny, figuring the odds were already stacked against her, read the lines in the most opposite way she could imagine.

She was playful and coy, still cutting and smart, but with a teasing edge.

As she spoke, one man lifted his head. He was the youngest man at the table, dark haired with thick hipster glasses enlarging his eyes. He studied her, intrigued, while the others at the table stared on, distantly.

After she wrapped up her version of the lines, they gave her a few directives. She played it 'cold' and 'distant' and 'old' for them before they waved to the assistant and he led her out another door.

"We'll get back to you soon," he said, but he was talking to his clipboard and already turning away.

The door closed with a dismissive thud leaving her in a wide empty hallway painted white. Alone and with no one left to impress Penny sighed and let her shoulders sag. After a quiet moment of reflection, she decided she needed a candy bar to sooth her hungry stomach and damaged ego.

It didn't take her too long to find a vending machine. The nondescript office buildings these auditions were held in usually had at least one to be hunted up. Penny knew from experience. She was always starving after a week of nothing but miniature servings of plants and chicken breasts.

It was down the hall and around a corner, just a little past the stairs leading down and out. She surveyed her options, carefully weighing whether she wanted a Snickers to hold her over for the ride home and the feast she would demand of Sheldon tonight or if she just wanted to cut to the point and eat a bar of chocolate.

She had just finished slipping her coins in the slot when she felt an unmistakably meaty hand slide across her jean clad ass.

"You did pretty good in there," a masculine voice said behind her and Penny made eye contact with the man at her back in the reflection in the vending machine glass. He was one of the men from the audition, some casting director or producer or something, he hadn't been introduced. He was balding and heavy set and the smell of his heavy cologne permeated the air.

Penny rolled her eyes. "You know, even Kirk knew you weren't supposed to fondle strange women, and he didn't even have the benefit of the Women's Right Movement," Penny said calmly to his reflection in front of her but he smirked, his thick features straining unpleasantly. Penny was so furious she didn't even question why _Star Trek_, of all things, was at the top of her mind in that moment.

"I could get you on the call back list, you know," he said in answer, his hand taking a firmer grip of her but and Penny scowled. She was unfortunately well accustomed to the occasional grope, her work as a waitress/bartender making her the unwilling victim of many a drunk (and sober) man's hands.

But here she couldn't get fired for retaliating. And in this man's walrus features, she saw the faces of every stranger who fondled, groped or pinched her like she was a mindless piece of meat.

And most importantly, what did she have to lose when she had totally just bombed the audition?

Penny sighed. "Well, I asked you nicely." Just as his hand took a firm pinch of her skin, she snatched his wrist and spun around holding his arm behind him, upwards and away from his back. The pressure and angle sent him to his knees and a well places foot to his lower back pined him to the ground.

"Jesus, let me up! Let me up!" he whined from below her, but Penny's attention was back on the vending machine. While he squirmed and pleaded and threatened, she pushed in the code she wanted and waited patiently as her Snickers bar unwound from the shelf and fell to the dispensary tray. She reached inside and grabbed her candy and pressed all of her weight onto the man below her before she released him and stepped away, unconcerned as he shouted after her, his face red.

When she glanced up to the stairwell door, she found the hipster guy with the big glasses from the audition staring at her from the hallway. She stopped a moment staring at him uncertainly before she shrugged and smiled at him, munching on her Snickers while she skipped down the steps.

* * *

Penny had been wallowing on Sheldon's sofa for nearly an hour. More than once she had planted herself firmly in his spot in the hopes of channeling the same calm that it seemed to instill in Sheldon, but she felt more like a misbehaving child and settled for sprawling out across all the cushions, face down.

Penny had _royally _screwed it up this time. Her psychic must have been _on crack_ because not only had she just bombed a perfectly good audition, she had assaulted a higher-up in the media monster. And connections were everything. Such a mind-blowingly stupid mistake as that could put a black mark on her name that might never wear off.

By the time Sheldon walked in, she had devolved into groaning into a pillow.

She hadn't heard him walk in over her own misery so when his voice spoke from beside his desk, she startled. "How did your audition go?" He looked tentative and Penny suspected that even with his less than superior people skills, he had deduced she wasn't happy.

"I fucked it up, Sheldon," Penny said placidly, settling herself deeply into the middle cushion. Sheldon was leveling a steady, vaguely concerned look at her and she shrugged.

"Hot beverage?" he asked, his fingers idly toying with the corner of his desk and Penny couldn't help her lips from quirking up at his boyish nervousness.

"Yes please. And lots and lots of Thai food. I have three pounds to gain back."

Penny watched as Sheldon busied himself about the kitchen. "I believe the social convention would be to ask what disaster you've set in motion to leave you moaning face down on my couch," he called over his shoulder to her and Penny leaned back wearily.

She suspected Sheldon really wanted her to say _'No, it's okay, don't worry about it Sheldon'_ but Penny really needed to vent and somehow writing an email to Leonard just wouldn't cut it.

"Well, the audition sucked. Barely anyone even looked at me, it was like auditioning to an empty room. Then one of the guys started groping me..."

"WHAT?!" Sheldon interrupted her, spinning around with a look of utter horror across his face, a hand pressed to his heart.

"Yeah," Penny said, surprised but pleased with his reaction, "this guy walked up behind me and started grabbing at my ass."

Sheldon visibly blanched. "Why would someone do that?" he asked, bewilderment clear in his voice and Penny breathed out a relieved sigh. There was something so pleasant in Sheldon's disbelief, something that gave Penny hope for humankind. He was horrified that Penny had been groped, not because he was her boyfriend and he felt he reserved those rights, and not because he had any particularly strong feelings about sexual harassment (after the many incidents with the university's human resources office, Penny was still fairly sure he didn't understand what sexual harassment entailed).

Sheldon was upset because it simply wasn't polite to invade a stranger's personal space. He likely believed it was inappropraite to invade _anyone's _space, even his girlfriend's, but that didn't matter to Penny at the moment. What mattered was that Sheldon, the emotionless robot, was restoring her faith in humanity.

"I dunno," she answered with a shrug, "But I don't think he'll be groping any other strangers in a hurry."

Sheldon's eyes flashed up to hers over the kitchen counter. "Junior Rodeo?" he asked with a quirked eyebrow.

"Junior Rodeo," Penny confirmed with a smile.

"Penny, I thought we'd discussed the dangers of confronting grown men with violence after the break in incident," Sheldon tutted as he poured steaming water into two matching cups.

"You didn't complain much about that when I kicked that ostrich stealing asshole in the nuts," Penny answered flippantly, wiggling over on the couch to make room for Sheldon as he settled himself beside her.

"Yes well, in that instance you were escorted by four men..."

"...who'd all hightail it out of there if things got rough," Penny finished for him, raising an eyebrow at him over her steaming cup of jasmine tea. She took a small sip and let the warmth and fragrance wash over her. It really was quite soothing.

Sheldon looked affronted. "I suppose I can't speak for the group but I wouldn't abandon you to some ruffian," Sheldon said simply and Penny's mouth fell open behind her cup. "And I suspect Leonard wouldn't either after all the time and money he has invested in wooing you." To that Penny nodded reluctantly.

"Though it might be worth mentioning that neither of us are particularly good in a fight," Sheldon continued thoughtfully. "However we excel at running away, something I would be more than happy to teach you should the need arise."

Penny chuckled and slurped her tea. "Nah, I'm good. I prefer the rough and tumble way of the hill folk," she added sarcastically. "But thanks Sheldon. " He scrutinized her over his shoulder but Penny pointedly ignored it. "Let's pick up our Thai food and watch some more _Star Trek._"

"Would you like your usual order?" he asked, already reaching for the phone and punching in the number for The Szechuan Palace from memory.

"Yes please. And some spring rolls. And pot stickers. And an extra side of brown rice."

He looked at her with his self described look of 'haughty derision' but ordered everything she asked for plus an order of fried bananas for dessert.

* * *

August 7th, 2013

Sheldon stared angrily at the composition notebook laying open on his desk before him. A list of symptoms stared back at him.

He _knew_ they all pointed to something, but it was becoming ever more likely he would die of their cause before he discovered it. He grimaced at that thought, his finger absently tracing one of the many '_Penny_'s adorning the page.

Whatever illness it was that plagued him, it had taken a startling turn for the worse the night Penny had willfully abandoned him during Vintage Video Game Night in favor of gallivanting about town inebriated with Amy and Bernadette. His suspicions that Penny was somehow connected to his illness were affirmed when he felt, more strongly than ever before, her absence from his side.

Howard had lounged in the seat Penny usually occupied to his right and it distressed him nearly as much as when someone trespassed on the sacred turf of _his_ spot. When he had heard the girls leave the apartment, all giggles and uneven steps down the stairs, he had sat in turmoil until he heard their return an hour and forty-seven minutes later, his impressive creativity concocting a variety of situations in which the women might meet some unsuspecting danger and fall victim to the wilds of the Pasadena night.

When Howard and Raj had left, picking up the still intoxicated Bernadette and Amy from Penny's apartment (Amy had shot him a rather scathing look over her shoulder that even Sheldon could interpret and fear), he had fought the ridiculous urge to cross short distance to her door just to see how she was doing. Since the day before, he had only caught glimpses of her and he was uncommonly interested to know what disasters she had stirred up during her day apart from him.

But the very thought was absurd and he slammed his door shut, determined to close out thoughts of his blond neighbor (though he couldn't quite bring himself to lock the door in case she decided to drop by).

He had completed his nightly habits, changing into his pajamas, brushing and flossing his teeth, washing his face and tucking himself neatly into bed, determined to ignore the whispers of '_Penny_' haunting the sub space of his brain.

He had laid in bed for hours, unable to fall asleep and growing increasingly more restless as time passed.

At precisely 1:02, a crow landed on the ledge outside his window and cawed, startling Sheldon out of his absent musings about S-duality.

The crow was large and impossibly black against the night sky and after three raucous caws, Sheldon leaped out of bed, convinced that shooing birds was a task Penny had inadvertently agreed to when she promised to oversee Leonard's forsaken duties.

He had been fairly sure she'd still be awake. On the nights sleep evaded him while he struggled to unravel the universe, he had heard her stomping and stumbling around her apartment well into the night, and even though she refused to answer her door before 11am, any time he knocked before two in the morning he usually got a response from a wide eyes Penny who clearly hadn't yet been asleep.

Unless Leonard was around. Then her nights were filled with loud coitus and the blessed silence that followed signifying they had passed out after their tiresome efforts to achieve pleasure. But Sheldon wasn't much of a fan of those nights.

As he had guessed, light filtered out from under her door and he knocked firmly, alarmed to find a _very_ inebriated Penny opening the door.

Even though she was incapable of standing or walking on her own, a state which heavily disgusted him in most others, he was pleased to see her awake and (mostly) well, and her speech was surprisingly coherent despite the empty bottle of wine laying on its side atop her coffee table.

He had, yet again, dragged her across the hall, his fingers burning where they made contact with her bare skin, and nearly had to carry her through the hallway to his bedroom as she stumbled then elapsed into uncontrollable giggles. Once he had released her to fulfill her duties of scaring off the crow, he had stared daggers into her back, trying to remember what had prompted him to manhandle his neighbor all the way into his own private sanctuary.

Whatever the case, the bird was gone and while his back was turned, Penny wasted no time in settling herself into _his_ bed like it was no big deal to wiggle around in someone else's clean sheets. He gallantly diverted his attention from where her dress had hiked up on her thighs and the shadow it formed between her legs.

Between that and the way she had tucked her hand into his sheets, the same sheets he had vacated only minutes before, the air suddenly seemed much too thick and his breath stuck in his lungs.

Then she mentioned Amy.

He had suspected that Amy was displeased with him, and though he was by no means happy with that thought, he was at a loss of what to do about it. The evening hadn't gone as he had hoped either (wherein everyone joyfully enacted the Friday night schedule) so they were both unhappy on that account.

He had seen a lot less of Amy lately, though by video chatting nightly and frequent updates via text throughout the day, he didn't feel her absence remarkably strongly. It seemed Amy didn't agree with that, though, and she had looked perturbed when he confessed such to her. Though it didn't surprise him much that his company would be missed. He _was_ remarkable good fun.

But Penny was drunk and squirming once again on top of his sheets in a way that had her skirt rising higher and before she would afford him _another_ image that would be indefinitely burned into his memory, he hauled her away into Leonard's room and put her to bed, hydrating her as well as he could before she passed out.

As he tucked himself once again into his own bed, the image of Penny splayed out and grinning on it resurfaced in his mind and the startling thought '_I should have kept her here_' sent him reeling up in shock.

After a very determined mental discussion with himself in which he told himself to '_pull it together Cooper,_' he decided he would call the doctor the next day. And even though she was undoubtedly the source of his anguish, it was comforting to know that she was blissfully resting her head mere feet away on the other side of the wall.

He had strode into the doctor's office confident to see an answer to all his questions but he was bitterly let down. His doctor's visit afforded him no solutions and instead created a fair share of new problems.

Dr. Iza barely glanced at him upon entering the examining room. A long suffering sigh accompanied the usual greeting, "What brings you in_ today_, Dr. Cooper."

As Sheldon described his cataloged list of symptoms, he watched in fascination as Dr. Iza's attention drifted from the clipboard in his lap up to Sheldon's face, a bemused (and infuriating) smile dawning on the older man's features.

"So let me see if I got this right: increased heart rate, flushing, sweaty palms, hypersensitivity to touch, and irrational thinking?" When Sheldon nodded absently, Dr. Iza cleared his throat and covered his mouth surreptitiously with his hand. "Do these symptoms have anything to do with the blond that brought you in?"

Sheldon gaped at him. "They do indeed! Penny has a particular talent at infecting me with a widespread range of illnesses and her company most rapidly brings out the aforementioned symptoms."

Much to Sheldon's frustration, Dr. Iza laughed.

"I don't see what's so funny, Doctor. Do you know what disease I'm inflicted with? Best you tell me now, don't bother softening the blow."

"Sheldon," Dr. Iza said calmly, placing one large weathered hand on Sheldon's shoulder while the younger man tried valiantly not to flinch away (and failed). "You've caught something alright, but I don't think I can diagnose you with anything, nor," he continued on loudly over Sheldon's protests, "can I prescribe you any antibiotics to fight it off."

"Won't you tell me what it is?" Sheldon asked, alarmed.

"I think it's best you figure it out on your own, son. Good luck," Dr. Iza said before sweeping out of the room with a grin.

Sheldon was furious and deeply disappointed with the medical staff, particularly when the nurse at the front smiled pointedly at him while he signed his paperwork and winked at a confused Penny.

He mulled over his discontent with the entire medical profession while he scribbled aimlessly in the margin's of his journal.

He was interrupted from his thoughts when a shriek sounded across the hall, followed closely by Penny's voice shouting, "SHELDON!" in apparent distress.

Sheldon slammed his notebook into his desk drawer before dashing to the door, but it swung open before he could reach it, a teary eyed Penny launching herself at his chest in a blur _The Flash_ would be proud of.

Sheldon and Penny had hugged quite a few times before (three times, in fact, numerically the most he had ever hugged anyone not blood related) but this was very different. Besides being _wet_, something Sheldon did not particularly appreciate as Penny's teary face was pressed determinedly into the _Green Lantern_ logo over his sternum, it was fiercely... _intimate_.

Their first hug had been light and fleeting and quite uncomfortable with the added distress of being without pants while a pretty girl he'd just met embraced him.

The second and third hug had been initiated by Sheldon himself, surprising as that was, and as he was no expert in human contact, he rather awkwardly wrapped himself around her like a misshapen coat hanger believing that was the general idea behind hugs, even if he felt like his whole body was comprised solely of elbows, knees and shoulders.

But as Penny's arms wrapped around his waist, her hands flat against his back pulling him against her until they were pushed flush against one another, from her forehead pressed into his chest to her bare toes, her feet planted on either side of his, he finally knew a glimmer of understanding as to why people _wanted_ to touch one another.

It was warm and comforting, and as Sheldon reluctantly pressed his own unsure hands to her back, mimicking the way she held him against her, a pleasant tingle spread through his abdomen. Penny, for all her mind boggling ephemera, was made of solid skin and bones that he could feel beneath his fingers, and never before had Sheldon felt so wholly the understanding that she, and by extension he, was _human._

Snapping himself out of his reverie when Penny let out a noise half between a sob and a laugh, Sheldon asked, "What on _earth_ is the matter, Penny?" and if his voice slipped unconsciously into his Texan drawl, the decibel a tad deeper than normal, he thoroughly ignored it.

"I got a job, Sheldon!" came her muffled response, her nose stuffy and her face still firmly pressed against his chest. "A real acting job! I'm going to be an _actual_ television actress!"

Sheldon made a face. "Then why are you crying? Isn't that something to be pleased about?" he asked alarmed, hooking his hands over her shoulders and trying to pry her away from his chest so he could study her expression. He was suspected it would be fascinating. But Penny only latched on tighter and he felt himself sigh.

"I'm just so happy!" she said, turning her beaming gaze up to Sheldon, and he was sure the tears only made her green eyes more vibrant than ever. Sheldon was momentarily distracted by the sight of the two conflicting emotions warring on Penny's face and he made a mental note to document the image later. "I know you don't like touching but I _really _need a hug right now, okay? Please?"

Sheldon rolled his eyes and sighed again, but she must have taken that as consent because she buried her face back into his shirt and squeezed him tighter. His hand returned to the feminine curve of her spine and he absently traced the ridge of her vertebrae down her back, cataloging the feel of them as he went.

In theory, he wasn't a total stranger to embraces. He had held Amy before, but somehow that was very different, though he couldn't quite comprehend why. Perhaps it was because she wore a more sensible amount of clothing, unlike Penny's thin tank top and highly visible orange bra that barely served as a barrier between his long fingers and her hot skin. Or perhaps it was because Amy didn't smell like green apples and vanilla, an odd combination that Sheldon deeply enjoyed, one that stirred something pleasant in his belly.

After a moment, Penny sniffed thickly and Sheldon stiffened. "You helped, you know," she said while pulling back and looking a little sheepish before wiping her nose with her hand. He let his hands fall to his sides and ignored the way his body felt cold in her absence.

"Penny, while my intellectual reach extends far past the world of theoretical physics, I believe you need to explain yourself."

Penny chuckled thickly and happily seated herself in the middle cushion while Sheldon mentally perused his known list of beverages for a '_so happy that you cry_' drink. Did that still count as distress? Would tea suffice?

She answered for his unspoken question when she grabbed his tingling fingers and tugged him next to her, curling her legs up underneath herself to face him fully.

"Remember that audition I went to a couple days ago?" she asked and once again Sheldon rolled his eyes.

"I remember everything, Penny. I have an eidetic memory." Her deadpan expression and silence hinted he should continue. "You are referring to the one you claimed to have effed up," he said grimacing, his Christian mother's upbringing stilling the word on his tongue. With a frown, he also recalled the mystery man who had groped Penny and he felt his inside run cold. "The audition after which you were physically accosted."

Penny was grinning at him still and he furrowed his brow. "Yeah, that's the one. Well, it turns out the cool, young director of the show was interested in me during my audition. He followed me out afterwards and saw the whole thing with that disgusting guy."

"The whole thing?" Sheldon queried against his better judgment.

"Yeah, I told him off, mentioned that even Kirk knew you weren't supposed to fondle strange girls you just met," Sheldon felt a little rush of pleasure, "then I pinned him to the ground while I got my chocolate." Sheldon suspected she had skipped some steps but he figured he could piece it all together with his superior intellect. The overarching theme seemed to be 'Penny's ill thought out actions.'

"And?" Sheldon asked as a smile the size of Texas spread across her face.

"And it only impressed him more! He said that the woman who could reference _Star Trek _and flip a grown man over like a rag doll was exactly the lead he was looking for. He convinced the casting directors and producers to bring me in for a second audition and I nailed it! I got the part!" She grabbed him by the arm and shook him a little in what Sheldon suspected was her attempt not to launch herself at him again.

He preferred the hugging but refrained from telling her so.

She was grinning at him like the Cheshire Cat and he had the sudden notion that she was looking to him for praise. Normally he would find others need for validation and support trite and unimportant but studying Penny's beaming, slightly flushed face, he found it very hard to resist caving into her frivolity.

"Very good, Penny," he said somewhat stiffly, patting her on the knee and she grinned even wider before trapping his fingers between her hand and her bare thigh.

She did a little happy wiggle before singsonging, "Thank you, Sheldon!"

He studied her blandly, the majority of his thoughts on how smooth her leg felt under his fingers. "You're welcome, Penny," he answered absently.

* * *

Standing side by side in the kitchen while Sheldon finished washing up the dishes and Penny pestered him, she couldn't stop herself from stretching up on her tip toes to press a quick dry peck to his cheek.

He turned to look at her shocked, his hand already pressing against the cheek she had contaminated, but Penny found she could only grin. This was the happiest night of her life, and she found herself unreasonably pleased that Sheldon was present to celebrate it with her.

"Penny!" he exclaimed, half reprimanding, half alarmed, but Penny only winked and smiled.

* * *

Author's Note: I'm so pleased about all the wonderful reviews I've been receiving, and for those of you looking for things to heat up, let me tell you: shit's about to get _real_.

P.S. Anyone have any thoughts on whether I need to up the rating to M for the f-bomb?


	9. The Dream

August 19th, 2013

With a loud gasp, Sheldon pried himself from another dream feeling groggy, disoriented and disastrously lightheaded as a good portion of his blood flow had moved to a part of his body significantly lower than his head.

As he situated himself upright, leaning his back heavily against his headboard, he sighed in frustration making a mental recalculation.

This now made seven. Seven mornings awakening in embarrassment and confusion. Seven dreams that he couldn't shake. Dreams of a nature so base, so _human _that they set his body reacting in the most viscerally distracting way imaginable.

With a breathy groan and an eye roll, Sheldon formulated a thought he did _not_ want to acknowledge: he was being plagued by a series of alarmingly... _erotic_... dreams. Even in his mind he stuttered over the word.

He raked his hands through his short cropped hair before leaning over to the nightstand and yanking over the composition notebook labeled 'Penny' which now seemed to follow him everywhere.

He was vividly aware that _Dream_ Penny and _Real_ Penny weren't the same person and as such, documenting Dream Penny's activities didn't exactly qualify as appropriate for his Interactions Log, but Sheldon didn't much care anymore. Whatever illness this was, he was determined to document every moment of it in the hopes that should he expire before a cure was found, his observations might lead future generations to a solution.

Or at the very least, it could act as definitive proof that Penny had, for lack of a better word, _bewitched _him, and lead to her subsequent arrest and incarceration.

It was in consideration of that that he recalled the events of The Seventh Dream so as to solidify it in writing.

To Sheldon, dreams were an uncommon occurrence. He knew (of course) that he always dreamed during REM cycle, just like everyone else, but it was very rare that he ever remembered them. Usually he woke up soundly rested after a night of sleep with no more disturbance than if he had simply powered down for the night and rebooted up in the morning.

The few dreams that he did remember made him uncomfortable.

As a man with a precise eidetic memory, when he recalled a moment of his life, the image was full, complete and perfect. He could recount the weather, the temperature, what color and pattern the wallpaper was, exactly what angle and position a person stood and with unerring accuracy, every word that individual spoke.

That was the world inside his head. Whole, scientific, and literal.

But dreams were different. The image beyond what he was focusing on was unclear, a fact that deeply disturbed Awake Sheldon but seemed insignificant to Dream Sheldon. The environments were incomplete and out of focus, a source of great frustration to him when he awoke and discovered he had been unaware he was in a dream despite how obvious it seemed once he considered it.

And if ever Sheldon was to be made perfectly sure he had _feelings_, his dreams were the proof. They were made of the stuff, indeed it seemed to Sheldon that they took his feelings and conjured wild images to match, even if the content made very little sense.

When he was a child, his anxiety would manifest itself in long toothed animals chasing him through unchanging landscapes, the dream representation of the multitude of bullies that prayed on his weaker form. As he grew older, his dreams shifted to crowds of well achieved scientists studying him with disdain while he struggled in vain to understand gibberish equations that kept shifting before his eyes.

But that Penny featured so heavily in his dreams as of late disturbed him even more deeply than vicious animals or condescending peers.

Last night, he had revisited a scene from reality that he returned to during waking hours with more frequency than he liked to admit: Penny wrapped in a shower curtain, the two of them alone in her colorful bedroom, his eyes pinched closed while his hand drifted from her warm, damp shoulder to something decidedly softer...

But in his dream, his eyes had been wide open, taking in the body his eidetic memory had no problem supplying accurately. He hadn't pulled his hand away like he'd been burned, and Penny hadn't half chided him for accidentally coping a feel. Instead he had pressed his palm against her breast and she had made a small noise, the soft, gentle little moan that he sometimes heard through the wall when Leonard and Penny thought they were being quiet enough not to be overheard.

That small noise and the feel of her skin beneath his hand nearly sent him over the edge and he had awoken just short of making a mess of himself and the linens.

He grumbled to himself while his pen ground savagely into the paper.

And if it wasn't awful enough that his subconscious seemed to have jettisoned his body back into the hormonal stew that hadn't plagued him since he was an adolescent, his dreams seemed to be influencing his _waking_ mind as well.

Suddenly he was... _aware_... of Penny.

Sure, over the years he had a developed an extra sensitivity to Penny when she was around, mostly because she couldn't pour herself a glass of water without stirring up some unimaginable problem, but this new hyper-awareness was much more physical.

Suddenly the pouty pink swell of her lips as she sipped at her soda would captivate the entirety of his thoughts and the whirring of his brain would come to a complete halt as he memorized the glossy sheen that shimmered against her tongue. The soft heat that radiated from her arm as she sat beside him on the couch would render him feverishly hot, and despite his discomfort, he would find himself shifting closer to her. And every brush of fingers, every graze of knees would send a bolt of lightening from the point of contact to every nerve ending in his body.

It was a nightmare.

The slope of her neck was the cause of a particular amount of distress and often featured heavily in his dreams. For the first time in his entire life, _Star Trek_ didn't hold his attention firmly enough to distract him from the smooth expanse of skin between Penny's prominent clavicle to the delicate shape of her earlobe. While she watched Kirk helm the Enterprise, Sheldon would study the way her blond hair fell in loose waves against her neck and the irrational imagine of brushing the strands away to feel her pulse beneath his fingertips would pop into his head unbidden.

And all this because of one measly hug.

He should have known something like this would happen. Sheldon was better than the common man but Penny seemed to be the weak point in his defenses. And as the feel of her thin back below his hands had been another prominent facet in his night time escapades, he had no doubt this new affliction had taken root in that moment. Even as he resented how easily his mind could call forth the feel of her spine against his fingers, he remembered the solid shape of her rib cage and regretted that he hadn't continued his exploration of it further.

Worse yet was the feel of her lips against his cheek that refused to dissipate. Even now, as he lay in bed days later, he could still perfectly imagine the kiss against his skin. He unconsciously pressed a cool hand against his face in the attempts to ward it off, or maybe to press it closer - suddenly Sheldon was much less sure of the intent behind his own thoughts and actions, something which had never _ever_ occurred before.

Overall, the entire matter was very troubling and only further cemented Sheldon's belief that Penny must have unleashed some alien disorder upon him that was determined to ruin his life. And this new _sexual attraction _symptom (the voice in his head spoke it with great disdain) was a whole new sordid low.

The particularly tricky thing about this new symptom was that, under any other circumstance, Penny's would be the opinion he first sought on the matter. Her thoughts would be all the more valuable because she was the most connected to her body out of all the people that he knew, and if ever he could find an answer to his new outrageous urges, it would surely be through her.

Not to mention, of all of his friends, she would be the least likely to make fun of him. She liked to tease him occasionally when his celibacy came up in conversation, but never in the critical judgmental tones Howard had long ago perfected. She was almost always very serious when he asked her questions, especially when she sensed (and she always could) when he was distressed.

Currently he was very distressed.

But asking Penny was absolutely out of the question. How could he phrase '_I've been having inappropriate dreams about you_' in a way that _wouldn't_ result in his complete humiliation and her turning into Berserker Penny, complete with hogtie and castration? If his beautiful mind couldn't figure that out, Sheldon doubted anyone could.

The next person he imagined asking was also out of the question for a multitude of reasons. For one, Leonard was out to sea on the other side of the world with a shoddy-at-best telephone connection. Though it was true he would be back in Pasadena in less than two weeks, Sheldon doubted he would last that long. Even if he could, there was the second matter: Leonard griped when strangers so much as glanced at Penny when she walked down the street. Sheldon suspected his own sexual dreams at night and inadvertent ogling during the day were far more offensive than a passing glance from a stranger. Howard was a fan of repeating the 'Bros before Hos' diatribe and though Sheldon was fairly convinced Penny did not qualify as a literal ho, the intention still remained. His loyalty would apparently be under question.

And the final person on his list of trusted collaborators... Well, even Sheldon knew it wasn't right to confess his new physical obsession with his neighbor to his _girlfriend_.

His pen stilled over the page.

His girlfriend. That was an interesting possibility.

Perhaps he was looking at this all wrong.

Maybe this new attentiveness to his impossibly frustrating neighbor, maybe this whole disease altogether, was simply his body's way of communicating that it wanted a physical relationship and his subconscious was using Penny as a sort of motif to interpret that desire. After all, Penny was the most physically active person he knew, something which had _always_ intrigued him in a scientific way. It made sense that his subconscious created a connection between a desire for physical contact and the lustful blond across the hall with more sexual liaisons under her belt that the four men of the group put together.

Even though he had always hoped he had gained full mastery of his libido, Amy had once said something that seemed particularly (and lamentably) applicable now. "_I have a stomach, I get hungry. I have genitals, I have the potential for sexual arousal._" It seemed that despite his best attempts, his evolutionary desire to procreate had surfaced in a way he couldn't suppress and apparently this time he couldn't fight it off by taking matters into his own hands or delving into a cold shower.

He needed assistance, distressing as that was.

But perhaps if he pointed his new appetite in the appropriate direction, i.e. his intelligent and logically selected girlfriend Amy, he could quell the surge of hormones raging through his bloodstream and be done with it.

He had mulled that thought over repeatedly throughout the day in the dim recesses of his mind and had devised an experiment by the time Amy came over for dinner. Penny would be out for the evening, caught up in a production meeting for her new acting job, and that afforded Sheldon the perfect opportunity to expand upon his hypothesis.

While Sheldon and Amy sat side be side (Sheldon determinedly ignoring how strange it had come to feel to have Amy perched upon the middle cushion) watching the Jungle episode of _Planet Earth_, Sheldon tentatively reached across the space between them and took Amy's hand in his. It was small and feminine in comparison to his own. With a glance down, he saw the nails were painted a very light pink, and he suppressed a scowl at Penny's handiwork.

Amy smiled up at him pleased, gently squeezing his hand before turning back to the television. But Sheldon continued to frown at their joined hands.

No increased heart rate, no rapid breathing, no tingling. He was exceedingly conscious of the heat between their palms and how uncomfortably close to sweaty it felt, but his consciousness wasn't entirely encompassed by the feel of Amy's hand against his own.

It felt little different than when Missy would take his hand to drag him about when they were children.

Sheldon unhappily brought his gaze back to the television. Perhaps exposure was a factor. He would have to continue on with this experiment in case this first try was influenced by some unforeseen element that botched the whole thing.

But as Amy pointed another brilliant smile in his direction and he absently nodded back, he felt a little wad of doubt lodge in his gut.

* * *

Penny was singing loudly along with the radio as she pulled her car into a lucky parking spot right in front of the doors to 2311 N. Robles. She killed the engine and swept happily out of her car, unable and unwilling to wipe the enormous smile off her face.

It was as if overnight everything had transformed into a still similar but _infinitely_ better version of her life. She had a real acting gig, she had just spent a good few hours going over scripts with her wonderful costars, and she was going to be on television. Honest to God _television_.

And on the _SyFy_ channel of all things. She was going to be a bad ass space station chick. Her boys were going to be _so freakin' thrilled_. And while the whole gang now knew about her new incredible television acting job (Leonard had been notified immediately through email), she was being purposely obtuse about the content of the show in the hopes of surprising them with the pilot.

She was even the second lead, her characters love interest being the main protagonist. But she was in every episode they had written. They would be filming the pilot next month and if it went over well, she was guaranteed _16 episodes_ in the first season.

_Aphelion_ was the name of the show and the name of the spaceship she (well, her _character_) piloted. In her head, she couldn't stop singing the word triumphantly. _Aphelion_!

She practically skipped to her mailbox with thoughts of the meeting still in her head.

Her costars had been great. She had been worried sick that she would be a total dunce having had so few _actual_ acting jobs, but everyone had been great. Her leading man was tall and just the right amount of handsome for her to easily imagine being attracted to without any real danger of that happening, and when he read his lines, something about his rigid posture and formality instantly reminded her of Sheldon. It was very easy to play the teasing love interest opposite that.

The cool hipster guy from the audition, Damon Finch (who had turned out to be the director), seemed to have a particular soft spot for Penny, too, and it was always nice to be on your bosses good side.

Penny had just locked up her mailbox and was bouncing up the first flight of stairs when she bumped into Amy, turning the corner on her own decent down.

"Hey Ames!" Penny chirped happily and maybe a tad too loud in her excitement, but upon further inspection, Amy was pink with her own barely contained happiness.

"Bestie! You'll never believe what happened tonight," Amy singsonged, glee radiating out of every pore. Penny's own smile widened at the sight. "Sheldon initiated intimate physical contact!"

Penny blinked. "You're right, I don't believe it," Penny grinned. "What'd he do? Rub shoulders with you," Penny jumped up to stand beside Amy on her stair and shimmied her arm against Amy's. "Whisper sweet equations into your ear," Penny said mock seductively. Her excitement had turned her hyper but Amy seemed thrilled.

"Even better," Amy uttered, reverently. "We held hands for an entire hour and he didn't complain at all. He even initiated it."

"Sounds hot."

"It was. And a little sweaty," Amy added thoughtfully. "But I suppose it's more the thought that counts and _that_ has set my loins aflame," Amy added and Penny was in too good a mood to cringe.

"Do you think this means Sheldon is ready to take the next step in developing the 'Shamy'?" Penny asked, mulling that over.

"I really hope so," Amy answered thoughtfully. "At this rate, I'll get him into the sack around the time I hit menopause."

"Nah, Sheldon definitely wants some little Coopers," Penny considered aloud. "But maybe he'd just take your eggs."

Both girls paused in thought for a moment, mystified by the strange man upstairs. "Well I should be going, Bestie. I have a date with my toothbrush tonight and an early experiment tomorrow," Amy said, bidding Penny a goodnight while she disappeared out the front doors. With a slight chuckle, Penny turned and took the stairs two at a time, exhilarated from her meeting and excited to tease Sheldon about this whole _hand holding_ thing.

The door to 4A was unlocked and she let herself in, a little out of breath from her mad dash up the stairs but exuberant non the less. Sheldon was seated at his desk, scribbling intensely in a notebook but he tucked it away in his desk and turned in his chair to greet her as she entered.

"I hear a certain pair of scientists were getting hot and heavy up here," Penny said by way of greeting, struggling to shimmy her too tight jacket off her shoulders.

She had wanted to look stylish at the production meeting and had donned a flowery summer dress and a vintage yellow canvas jacket that she had last worn when she was 18. It got on just fine and looked absolutely adorable, but she had been startled to discover she could not take it off without twisting and turning in a way that made her look utterly crazy. Therefore she had kept it on all day, which really wasn't a big deal, but her shoulders were starting to feel a little pinched.

She bent her arms backwards and awkwardly grasped at the three quarter length sleeves but before she could get a hold of the fabric, two hands firmly turned her around and grasped the sleeves of her coat, easily slipping them down her forearms and over her hands.

Penny turned around surprised but Sheldon was already neatly laying her jacket over the back of his computer chair.

"Boy you women sure cluck like hens," Sheldon shot a look at her from under his eyelashes. "Amy hardly just left and she's already gossiping about tonight. I take it you are referring to the hand holding?"

"Yeah," Penny said distantly, her fingers tracing the place where Sheldon's hand had swept down her forearm. She shook herself and said more strongly, "I mean yeah! So does this mean you've finally hit puberty? Temptation in the form of our lovely brunette neurobiologist setting your atoms all a tingle?"

Sheldon shot her a very hard glare before walking into the kitchen. "I, just like you and everyone else, went through puberty appropriately in my teenage years," he said stiffly from behind the counter, his back turned to her as he filled the kettle at the sink. There was something defensive and raw in his tone and Penny backtracked.

"I know, I know, I'm just teasing," she said calmly, kicking off her heels and pattering over to the kitchen island barefoot. "I didn't mean it like that, sorry Sweetie." He glanced at her swiftly from over his shoulder and his vulnerable look made her smile. "What I meant was, what prompted this new change? Amy's pheromones finally getting to you?"

Sheldon turned, bracing himself against the counter and Penny fidgeted under the half lidded, blue-eyed scrutiny. "Something is changing. I'm not sure what _exactly_ that change is about, but there has been a definite shift in my thinking as of late," he said contemplatively, his gaze sweeping over her again.

Penny tilted her head and took in the uncertainty furrowing Sheldon's pale brow and the anxiety written in his tensed muscles. "Is it a good change or a bad change?" Penny asked, studying the unfamiliar sight of confusion coloring his face.

"I don't know yet. But I hope to find out."

* * *

Penny was too riled up to keep herself entertained so she convinced a half reluctant Sheldon to stay up with her and watch another episode of _Star Trek_ before he turned in for the night. She was pleased to note that once they seated themselves on the couch together and started an episode, the tension that had earlier scrunched up his shoulders slowly melted as he settled himself in his spot.

The episode passed in much the same way they always did; Penny trying her best not to talk out loud too often and Sheldon twice leaning forward to relay a 'fun' fact about the show. His so-called fun facts were the only interruption Sheldon approved of, though he never exactly told her to shut up, she knew him well enough to guess that he resented too much chatter. Questions, however, were accepted and eloquently answered.

But as Sheldon shifted forward to point out Scotty's missing finger as he held Kirk and Spock at phaser point, Penny glanced down to her lap.

Sheldon's hands had been resting formally atop his knees, as he tended to sit when fully occupied with _Star Trek_. But when he had shifted forward, the fingers of his right hand got sandwiched between his plaid covered leg and Penny's bare thigh, just below where her skirt fell. It was just the faintest of touches, but as he swept his hand forward to point at the television, the backs of his long fingers ran along her leg and over her knee.

If Sheldon were anyone else in the universe, the fact that he was casually making contact with her would be meaningless, something that happened when two people spend a great deal of time with each other.

But Sheldon wasn't anyone else. He was _Sheldon_. And Sheldon didn't touch or allow himself to be touched indiscriminately. Just earlier that evening, his own girlfriend had been rendered euphoric simply because he held her hand.

But as the episode wrapped up and Sheldon bid her goodnight, their fingers brushing while he handed over her yellow coat, Penny gave some thought to the last couple of months.

For her, it was hard to say how much she touched him. She was a touchy-feely type of person. She liked to hug people, she had an affinity for rough housing and she had a tendency to nudge and shove someone when they told her a good joke.

Touching was a part of Penny's personality. Even today at her production meeting she had shook hands rubbed shoulders and embraced people who were virtually strangers. It was a part of the job.

But Sheldon was _special._ She took extra great care _not_ to invade his space. She knew he hated it, or at least she had thought he had, and on more than one occasion, she had intentionally abstained from making contact. More than once had she seen him flinch from affection, and turn away from the embrace of his own family members. It had made her deeply sad to see him so locked into himself, but Sheldon was Sheldon and he couldn't be made to do something he didn't want to do.

But now he was touching her casually, unintentionally, and she couldn't help the warmth that spread through her at that thought. Her little Whack-A-Doodle was growing out of his shell and turning into a real person, one who held his girlfriend's hand without a written agreement and didn't flinch when he accidentally brushed against his friend on the couch.

And it was _definitely_ only that his touch had previously been forbidden that made the sensation so thrilling.

* * *

Author's Note: As always, thanks for the reviews! You guys were really helpful with the whole rating thing and I think I'll be keeping this nice and T for now. I figure if I want things to get smutty (which is definitely a temptation) I'll post it in as a oneshot and make a note of where it fits into the story. But that's getting a little ahead of myself.

Coming up next, Leonard comes home to Pasadena!


	10. The Returning Champion

August 31st, 2013

The 110 freeway was a sea of aluminum and glass, the cars so tightly packed they stood bumper to bumper. The occasional (useless) bleeping of horns and the overpowering stench of exhaust leaking into Penny's air conditioning did little to ease the anxiety she was trying valiantly to keep from Sheldon who was folded up like an overlarge spider in the seat beside her.

She hadn't slept much the night before. She had been too excited with the thought that she would be seeing Leonard in mere hours and had spent a good amount of alone time in bed imagining how she would greet him upon his arrival. She was looking forward to wrapping her arms around him and giving him a searing kiss, but with an hours worth of traffic between her and the airport, she was fairly happy Sheldon had insisted on leaving so early.

Even though she was glad to have Leonard back, she was a little... nervous. It was hard to place why exactly, but somehow Penny felt like she had changed an awful lot over the last few months.

Thinking it over while she inched her car forward in traffic, she really actually _had _changed quite a bit. She had aced her algebra course and signed up for an English Literature class the college offered online. Sheldon had scoffed at her choice but Penny was excited. She wasn't the most avid reader and she knew she was slower than most, but lit classes had always been Penny's favorite in high school. She was always a fan of a good story, and with her recent experience weeding through wordy banter to find meaning (thank you, _Sheldon_), Wuthering Heights should be a piece of cake.

Not only was she improving academically, she was making monetary leaps and bounds into adulthood. Penny had gotten a job, an actual _paying_ job as an actress. She hadn't quit the Cheesecake Factory yet (she wanted to make sure the pilot was picked up before she put all her eggs in one basket) but she had reduced her shifts down to only Tuesday night now that so much of her time was spent in preparation for shooting; at wardrobe fittings, script readings, and meetings.

(Truth be told, she was worried about what Leonard would say about the fact that Penny's character had a romantic interest and she might eventually have to film... _compromising_ situations with her handsome co-star. She could see _that_ fight coming a mile away.)

Overall, Penny felt like she had grown a lot over the summer, and it was a little scary to think that she had done that all while Leonard was away.

"Who do you think would win in a fight, Luke Skywalker or Harry Potter?" Sheldon's voice jolted her out of her thoughts. "By the way, there is a right answer." Penny glanced at him from the corner of her eye. This traffic was making her insane, but teasing Sheldon always made time pass a little faster.

"Those two are both good guys. Like, _really _good guys who frequently choose _not _to fight people who totally deserve to get their asses kicked_._ I can't imagine them fighting each other," Penny answered. She had finally gotten Sheldon to drop his Periodic Table Car Game for something Penny actually had a better chance at enjoying, or at the very least, understanding.

Sure, it was still geeky, but at least it didn't include a bunch of stuff she purposely forgot from high school chemistry class.

"It's a hypothetical situation, Penny," Sheldon replied but he seemed pleased. "Though that is a valid point. Perhaps, in some alternate universe they meet and both are convinced that the other is a formidable enemy, leaving them no choice but to battle to the death."

Penny glanced over her shoulder as she merged onto the off ramp. "That sounds kind of tragic," she answered.

"Yes, but what can you expect from the lives of infamous wizards and Jedi?"

"I dunno, I kinda liked thinking Harry settled down with Ginny and made a bunch of babies," Penny said with a shrug.

"Well, _yes,_" Sheldon sighed in frustration, "The Boy Who Lived probably deserves a comfortable lifestyle but that's beside the point. You haven't answered my original query."

"Are we talking when they are both in their individual primes?" Penny asked, sensing that her prying was starting to fray Sheldon's edges and enjoying it. His eyes had darted _again_ to the check engine light and she could tell he was struggling to keep his mouth shut about it by the way he was clenching and unclenching his fingers around his boney knees.

If he was going to be so annoying about it all the time, she'd just have to distract him by being intolerable.

"Obviously," he answered tartly and she felt his gaze on her profile. "Do you want me to tell you the answer?"

"No, no! Let me think this over," Penny said, unsuccessfully hiding a grin. "Okay, way I see it, Harry kind of works better as a team player. I mean, as a wizard he's alright, but he also happens to have Hermione and Ron backing him up and helping him figure shit out, so I think he's the less adept _individual_."

She glanced at Sheldon and he looked contemplative, his blue eyes studying her from across the armrest.

"Luke is obviously more capable on his own, after all, he was like the _only_ Jedi at the end of the movies. He had friends but they were always kind of doing their own thing and less invested in helping him solve every single one of his problems."

Sheldon was nodding in thought when suddenly Penny had moment of clarity and realized just how geeky a conversation she was thoroughly immersed in. A few years ago, Penny wouldn't even know who Luke Skywalker was in any intimate sort of way. What had happened to her?

With a mental shrug, Penny concluded, "_Buuuut_... magic beats The Force. Harry wins. The end."

Penny smiled to herself as Sheldon launched himself into a frenzy.

* * *

When Leonard, jet lagged and hunched with exhaustion, made a beeline out of the terminal and down an escalator to the baggage claim area, his eyes were already scanning the thin crowd of people loitering around the arrivals area.

He was looking for his beautiful blond girlfriend. She was usually pretty easy to find, she stood out in just about every crowd and Leonard's eyes had a tendency to snap onto her when they were in the same room.

What Leonard wasn't expecting was to hear the over loud, painfully familiar tones of his roommate's voice, slipping into Texan twang, practically shouting from the other side of the luggage carousel. "A Jedi wielding The Force is infinitely more powerful than an adolescent with a stick!" Sheldon's voice penetrated the large and busy room. "A wizard could never compare."

"Jedi _are_ wizards, Sheldon," he heard Penny respond at a much more reasonable volume as the pair came into sight. Sheldon was holding his face and looking down at Penny like she had just told him he'd never win the Nobel Prize. Penny, her back facing Leonard, was leaning casually against a pillar, her face upturned to look at Sheldon. "In fact, considering the limitations of The Force, Jedi are no more than primitive space wizards."

When Sheldon only gaped in response, his attention glued to Penny's face a foot away, she continued. "I mean, what can you do with the force? Move shit around? Magic can do that. Trick people into doing what you want? Magic can do that – and by the way, that's kind of seriously messed up. In Harry Potter that's dark magic. Wave a glowing stick around like a sword? Okay, magic doesn't really get so medieval but it wouldn't have to. Harry could _expelliarmus_ the lightsaber outta Luke's hand from across a room."

Leonard had come to stand beside the bickering pair, and though he now was likely visible in Penny's peripheral vision, the two were too focused on one another.

"Blasphemy, woman," Sheldon was whispering heatedly to Penny but she only grinned and picked at her nail polish. "Complete and utter blasphemy." It was then that Sheldon eyes darted up to Leonard and he startled, jumping a step away from Penny and blinking hard. "Leonard," he said, and Penny whipped her head around, her eyes dancing over Leonard's features before smiling. "Welcome back."

"Hey Sweetie!" Penny called and pulled Leonard in for a hug. It was swift and felt a little abbreviated, much like the fast kiss she pressed to his lips.

Inadvertently, Leonard had glanced at Sheldon after Penny pulled away and he was baffled by Sheldon's carefully down cast eyes. Had he gotten shy about this over the summer? Last he remembered, Sheldon was fairly shameless in observing the affections between Leonard and Penny, his obvious distaste written across his face. The distaste was still there, but the scientific evaluation was nowhere to be seen. "How was your flight?" Penny asked, snapping Leonard's attention back to her.

"Oh, it was long and cramped, but I'm glad to be back on solid ground," Leonard answered, happily turning to Penny. She looked cheery, as usual, and Leonard felt again how much he had missed her.

"Leonard, perhaps you could settle an argument for us," Sheldon interrupted Leonard's pleasant train of thought. "Who would win in a fight, Harry Potter or Luke Skywalker?"

"Harry Potter," Leonard answered immediately. It wasn't actually his opinion, but it had been a long couple of months, and he had missed riling up his crazy roommate.

Sheldon didn't disappoint.

* * *

Sheldon was arguing vehemently from the backseat and Penny was quite content to let Leonard take _his_ turn dealing with his crazy roommate. He had his vacation away and now it was Penny's turn to relax. Periodically, Leonard would try to squeeze in his own thoughts, asking how Penny's summer had been and how her job was going, but Sheldon would usually loudly speak over him before Penny could answer.

It was obvious to Penny that Leonard was getting frustrated and she debated joining in the conversation to ease the tension, but she was secretly glad she didn't have to make conversation.

When she had whirled around to see Leonard in the airport, she hadn't recognized him at first. Not that he had changed, in fact he looked exactly the same as he always did; dark hair, rectangular glasses, gray hoodie under a vest. He was exactly what Leonard had always been and yet at first she'd felt like she was looking at a stranger.

And so the impassioned kiss she had been imagining all night turned into a peck and a shoulder squeeze, but somehow it felt wrong to put on some sappy love display at the airport with her boyfriend's roommate hovering behind her.

She shook her head absently. It wasn't a big deal. They could reunite more intimately later, when they didn't have an audience. They were just a little out of step. It didn't _mean _anything.

After the tiring ordeal of dragging three full suitcases up four flights of stairs (Penny was fairly sure the second one held nothing but books) without Sheldon's help whatsoever (his 'supervising' absolutely was _not _helpful, despite his insistence), Penny happily looked on as Leonard swung the door of 4A open to find the welcoming party.

As Leonard greeted the whole gang, Penny made her way to the kitchen. Sheldon had followed close behind and she definitely heard him muttering "_Harry, really_?" but she only grinned at him slyly and raised an eyebrow in challenge. He glowered back at her in response.

There was a small scuffle over Laundry Night (which Penny solved with a heat whisper of, "_Cool it_ Dr. Cooper! We'll do it tomorrow!" and a hard pinch to his arm) and a slightly larger fight over dinner plans. Penny insisted it was Leonard's choice as it was his first meal back in the states, and besides, Saturday night dinner was always a bit of a toss up. It had turned into Penny and Sheldon's Home Cooked Meal Night over the summer (okay, more like Sheldon's Home Cooked Meals While Penny Snacked on the Ingredients and Teased the Cook Night), and Sheldon didn't seem too willing to deviate from his crazy schedule, but Penny insisted that it was a special occasion.

As they sat down to the carry out Italian food Raj ran out to pick up, Penny sat back comfortably and let her friends bombard Leonard with questions. "How did the experiments go?" "Which was worse, the research boat for four months or getting trapped on It's a Small World for half an hour?" "Was working with some of the most brilliant scientists in the field (_Sheldon tutted loudly_) as amazing as you'd hoped?"

The experiments went well, some intriguing data surfaced but more trials would need to be run before anything could be called conclusive. But, not wanting to jump the gun or anything, they had discovered some pretty amazing stuff.

He had _eventually_ gotten used to the boat, approximately a week and a half before the trip wrapped up. But even still, it was a million times better than It's a Small World because there were no terrifying singing animatronic dolls.

And the other scientists were great.

Penny raised a suspicious eyebrow.

While Sheldon demanded more details about the "amazing stuff" they'd discovered, his gangly frame towering over Leonard in the kitchen, Penny studied her boyfriend thoughtfully from where she had sunk into the white armchair.

Yet again he was being purposely obtuse. And unless she was mistaken, there was something a little more hunched and defensive about him since he got back. _'The other scientists were great.'_ What kind of half-assed abbreviated answer was that? She didn't want to ask him in front of the whole group, but now Penny was convinced he hadn't gotten along well with the others. The way his eyes darted to hers and then swiftly away spoke volumes.

He was hiding something and was embarrassed about it.

With a little sigh, Penny brushed past it. She would ask him about it later when they were alone and he would be more comfortable about it. No big deal. She was just happy to have him home. His wry humor really set off the group dynamic.

Leonard was yawning loudly by eight and Howard, Bernadette, and Raj took the hint. They hugged him goodbye and told him how glad they were he was back before wishing him goodnight. Howard's

'goodnight' came with a skeevy wink in Penny's direction but she shoved him out the door before he could say anything too lewd.

Once Leonard disappeared down the hall to unpack his toiletries and pajamas, Amy leaned across Sheldon to conspiratorially whisper to Penny, "Are you going to ride him like a roller coaster tonight, Bestie?" and Penny almost spit out her sip of water. She thought she had gotten rid of the biggest pervert in the group when she kicked Howard out, but apparently not.

Sheldon looked similarly shocked, his already wide eyes turned saucers in his head. It was his look of terror that pushed Penny into a fit of giggles.

"I don't know!" Penny whispered back harshly but humor still tinged her voice.

"If it were me, I would have pulled him into the bathroom before dinner..." Amy added, shooting a pointed look to Sheldon. In turn, Sheldon leveled a warning glare in Amy's direction and Penny suddenly understood what Howard meant when he said, '_incoming domestic._'

Penny sank deeper into the cushions of the armchair, determined to keep herself from the middle of the war zone.

As if sensing her discomfort, Sheldon's head snapped towards her and he caught her with an icy blue stare. "Penny, if you must resume your routine of unnecessary loud coitus with Leonard, I ask that you do so in _your_ apartment. I don't appreciate the noise."

Penny rolled her eyes and let her head loll back against the cushions. "You got it, Sheldon," she said flatly. _Those two, _Penny thought to herself. They sure liked discussing other people's sex life an _awful_ lot for not actually having one themselves.

"What does Sheldon have?" Leonard asked from behind her and for a moment, he reached out as if he was going to touch her hair but then pulled back.

Penny frowned at that strange recoil. "Sheldon's got a problem with loud coitus so we've been banished to my place for the night," she answered him with a grin to her voice, smiling up at him upside down.

"Oh goody," Leonard answered, pulling Penny up to her feet and leading the way out. "Take it easy, you two," he called behind them and Penny turned to look over her shoulder.

Sheldon's eyes were glued to her with an intensity usually reserved for when he was trying to make her head explode. His lips were drawn tight and his brow furrowed into an anxious frown. Penny had the sudden impression that he was trying to ask something of her, but the question was indecipherable. Penny swallowed heavily.

"Bye Amy," Penny called behind her as Leonard pulled her out the open door by their joined hands. "Goodnight Sheldon."

"Goodnight Penny," Sheldon answered in a tight, unfamiliar voice just before she passed through the door, his body taut as his gaze followed her out.

* * *

The soft thud of the apartment door closing hit Sheldon like a punch to the gut.

For a moment he sat perfectly still, trying to stare holes in the door while his chest heaved with labored breathing. Unconsciously he brought a hand to rest over his sternum, letting his fingers feel the vibrations of his accelerated heart rate.

"Sheldon, are you alright?" Amy asked beside him, startling him out of his panic as he had forgotten there was anyone else in the room.

"I'm..." he started solidly but immediately lost his train of thought. Something was wrong. Something was _very_ wrong, but he had no idea what. "I believe I am ill," Sheldon said and he wasn't sure whether he was referring solely to the new alarming state he was currently in or the terrible discomfort that had been plaguing him for more than a month.

"What should I do?" Amy asked with concern, but with Sheldon's thoughts so frazzled, he barely glanced at her worried face. "Should I make you tea or draw you a bath?"

His immediate thought was '_Go get Penny_' but he halted the words before they could pass his lips. Instead he jumped up from his seat like a tightly coiled spring. "No, No. I think I need to be alone," he said as anxiety with a twinge of something inexplicably like anger began to seethe in the pit of his stomach. He could feel his blood getting hot as he started to pace across the living room.

"If you're sick, I think I'd better stay," Amy answered from where she stood in front of the couch. Her arms were slightly outstretched and her brow was furrowed. Sheldon could tell that she was worried about him, and truth be told, he was too. But whatever this new addition to his list of problems was, it _did not _want company.

"Let yourself out, please," Sheldon replied in as gentle a tone as he could manage. There was something about the ringing in his ears that reminded him of returning home from the Arctic and discovering his experiment had been tampered with. He had thrown himself into hurt and sadness, electing the safer and quieter emotion, but he had _no idea _what had set off this strange new bout of... _anger_? _Frustration_? What exactly was this?

He felt dangerously close to out of control and his fingers were itching to throw something but he stilled himself next to his desk, his hand tightly gripping the corner.

His head snapped to Amy who was standing wide eyed next to the door, looking desperately like she wanted to stay. "I'm sorry Amy. I think I'll be retiring early tonight," he said, his voice deep.

Amy spared him one more remorseful look before turning out the door.

When the door had latched shut, Sheldon threw himself into his desk chair, his head in his hands. What was going on with him? He hadn't experienced such an intense rash of emotions since he was a child and he was _not _enjoying himself.

He took a deep, steadying breath and blew it out slowly through his nose.

More out of habit than conscious thought, he drew the composition notebook out of his desk drawer and flipped through it, his eyes dancing over the words he had written, only a glance needed to recall the memories written on the page.

Over the last week and a half, he had reluctantly come to terms with his new _awareness_ of Penny. It still plagued him when she was in his company, and more alarmingly, sometimes when she wasn't, but his mind had adapted. He still pondered the delicate shape of her neck and the brush of electricity he felt at every touch but as he gave in to their absurdities, their demand for attention lessened. The less he worried about it, the less it was a distraction.

Now he could note his increased heart rate or heavy swallows as simply something that happened when Penny pulled her arms up to fasten her hair in a bun. A cause and reaction, even if the cause still mystified him.

Besides, he had mastered the art of stealing accidental touches, something of which he was very proud. She was unfazed when his fingers slid against her arm, or when his knee brushed hers, but his attention was focused like a laser where their skin met. He was acquiring data. For what, he still wasn't entirely sure, but as always, the scientific process soothed him.

But now, rocking in his desk chair with the movement of his fiercely tapping foot, there was something new turning his already off kilter homeostasis upside down. His teeth were clenched and his hands kept inadvertently tensing into fists.

Ruffling once again through the pages of his notebook, he found himself becoming more worked up. Usually, revisiting his interactions with Penny was calming, if still rather mystifying, but now as he remembered the vibrant smile she had greeted him with this morning, or the genuine laugh from three days ago when he told her the Dr. Who pun, something that felt an awful lot like a black hole opened up in his chest and sucked all his good feelings into oblivion when he added Leonard to the picture of Penny in the apartment across the hall.

Or when he replayed the quick kiss Penny had planted on Leonard at the airport. That image just refused to shake itself from his consciousness.

His scowling was interrupted when he heard voices outside the door. He slammed his notebook into the drawer and banged it closed, taking two big steps towards the door while Penny and Leonard conversed behind it.

"...Amy said he wasn't feeling good," Penny said, her voice muffled but concerned.

"Then why would we go over there?!" Leonard asked, punctuating each word.

"Because he's our _friend_," Penny said harshly. "And if _Amy _thinkSheldon is acting weird, than _I'm _seriously worried!"

"He's a smart guy, he'll be fine. Now let's get back into bed," Leonard's nasal whine filtered through the door and Sheldon felt his fists tighten.

"What if he's jealous?" Penny asked. Sheldon sucked in a deep breath and froze. _Jealousy_? "I mean, he hasn't seen you in months and you hardly contacted him while you were away. Maybe he was hoping you'd spend some time with him..."

Sheldon's brain was chugging a mile a minute. Jealousy? Was it possible?

The knob turned and the door crept open to reveal Leonard tentatively stepping in. "Hey, buddy..." he said, alarmed to find Sheldon standing perfectly still, facing the door just a few feet away. "How're you doing?"

Sheldon's eyes flashed from Leonard's hoodie and vest, still firmly on his shoulders, to Penny's blond head peeking nervously over Leonard's shoulder from the hall. Her hair wasn't ruffled, her cheeks weren't flushed. The raging monster that had been playing Godzilla in his limbic system stalled and stuttered to a stop.

"I appear to be well, Leonard," Sheldon answered, much to his own confusion, but he couldn't convince his legs to carry him away from the couple at the door.

"_Warm beverage_," Sheldon heard Penny whisper into Leonard's back and the smaller man jumped into action.

"Would you like some tea, Sheldon?" he asked, already bustling to the kitchen, pausing a moment on his way to peer up through his glasses into Sheldon's face. The expression on Leonard was unreadable to Sheldon but he assumed it must be some sort of concern.

"Yes, please," Sheldon said, his eyes locked on Penny who was still standing tentatively in the doorway as if she couldn't decide whether she should come in or not. She was biting her lip in a rather distracting way and Sheldon took another two steps to pull the door open and gesture with his head inside.

"I think I'll let you boys get caught up," she said uncertainly, her upturned face worried as her eyes darted between Sheldon's features. He frowned. Unexpectedly, she reached up and pressed the back of her hand to his forehead, letting it slide past his temple before she brought it back to her side. "You look a little flushed, Sheldon. You feeling okay?"

If his skin wasn't hot to the touch before, it would be now. The path her skin had taken on his face was ablaze. "I'm not sure," he answered honestly and Penny looked surprised.

"Well, drink your tea and go to sleep," she ordered, looking thoughtful and a little anxious. "I'm going back to my place Leonard," she called around Sheldon's shoulder into the kitchen. "Take care of Sheldon." She turned her face back up to Sheldon. "Feel better, Sweetie," she told him before drifting back to 4B and letting herself in.

Sheldon watched stoically as Penny slipped the door closed behind her, sparing him one last hesitant smile before the knob clicked into place.

Leonard sighed heavily from the kitchen and Sheldon turned his attention back to his roommate. "So I hear you kicked Amy out pretty fast," Leonard phrased from behind the counter, dunking a bag of tea into Sheldon's favorite mug. "How have you two been doing? You seemed pretty normal together tonight."

Sheldon glanced between the closed door of their apartment and Leonard before slowly making his way to the couch. _Jealousy_. How strange. Is that what the emptiness and agony that had settled over him like a wraith the moment those two left together had indicated?

Homo Novus did not get jealous.

But apparently, _Sheldon_ did.

This required more data.

"Amy and I have been fine," Sheldon answered absently, sinking into his spot and allowing the familiarity of the leather cushion to soothe his uncertainties. Leonard seated himself in the white armchair Penny had burrowed into earlier and handed over a steaming mug. "We've progressed to hand holding in private on occasion." Sheldon wasn't sure what made him share that information with Leonard.

"That's good, right?" Leonard asked, his voice hopeful.

"In theory," Sheldon mused aloud. "I don't know if I find it particularly good _or_ bad, but Amy seems pleased."

"She wasn't very pleased when she texted Penny a few minutes ago," Leonard replied, shooting Sheldon a reprimanding look through his rectangular glasses, however Sheldon was undisturbed.

"I was not in a state to entertain," he answered stiffly.

"Want to talk about why?"

"Not really, no."

Silence fell between the two men.

"Well, I'm going back over to Penny's," Leonard said with a huff, pulling himself tiredly to his feet and suddenly that horrible gut crushing feeling was back.

"Wait, Leonard! Stay!" Sheldon all but shouted, holding his hand out and pulling Leonard back down into his seat. "It's been a long couple of months. Perhaps we should spend some time catching up."

Leonard looked alarmed to find himself shoved back into the armchair but Sheldon watched as the cogs turned in Leonard's simple little mind. Half the time he couldn't even understand the man's facial features but he could clearly read '_Penny _did_ say he missed me..._' trailing through his thoughts as if he were looking at a book.

"Alright Sheldon," Leonard said, and even if he sounded tired, his voice was laced with sincerity. "How was your summer?"

* * *

It took Sheldon less than an hour of talking about his most recent research to put Leonard to sleep, his smaller form leaning sideways against the armrest, his mouth hanging open. Sheldon waited until Leonard's eyes began to move under his eyelids before rousing him with a firm shake and a solid, "Leonard."

Leonard opened his eyes blearily and struggled to focus on Sheldon leaning over him.

"You fell asleep on the couch. You should go to bed," Sheldon steadied Leonard when he rose and gave him a gentle shove towards the hallway and Leonard happily complied. He threw himself fully clothed onto his bed and was fast asleep before Sheldon could switch off the lights and close the door.

Sheldon swiftly swept across the apartment and out the door, knocking at the door of 4B and calling her name.

She was in her pajamas when she opened the door; short cotton shorts and a tank top. For a moment, Sheldon marveled at how often he saw a woman he wasn't related to in her sleepwear. Penny had been the first (excluding Joyce Kim who he had only seen a glance of and her attire was probably better defined as her underthings than pajamas) and it had never before occurred to him how vulnerable it made a person look, or how familiar it made her to him.

"I thought I should inform you that Leonard has fallen asleep and likely won't be joining you this evening," he said, his head tilted down so he could study her face. She nodded and shrugged and Sheldon didn't detect any anger or frustration in her face (though he was no expert) and he sighed relieved.

"I thought he might," Penny said smartly, leaning against the open door. "He looked about ready to drop off when he left. You feeling better?" Her eyes were darting over his features again and absurdly, Sheldon had the sudden notion that he rather liked when he was the focus of her attention. Her eyes were very green and as they darted between his eyes and his cheeks and his forehead, he knew somehow that her thoughts were entirely filled with him. He rather liked being the center of attention.

"Yes, much better," Sheldon answered slowly, his eyes unable to leave her face.

Penny smiled. "Good!"

"But you best get to bed as well," he told her sternly. "You've delayed Laundry Night so I will be coming early tomorrow morning to fetch you."

"Early?" Penny said alarmed. "How early?"

"Nine. We can't be late for laundry _and_ paintball."

Penny groaned and threw her head back exposing her smooth neck. Sheldon swallowed. "Alright. But we listen to the radio on the drive to paintball," she told him, crossing her arms and squaring her shoulders. "My choice of station."

He looked down his nose at her but nodded stiffly. "Very well. Goodnight Penny. See you in the morning."

As he crossed the living room towards his private sanctuary, he told himself it was ridiculous to feel so pleased that she was the last person he would see tonight, and the first person he'd see tomorrow.

* * *

September 1st, 2013

Leonard huffed from his seat on the couch - _Sheldon's _seat on the couch - and mourned his rotten luck which he blamed entirely on his roommate.

Last night had been a disaster. He had been in Penny's apartment, she'd been sipping at a glass of wine, and it had been the perfect opportunity to talk to her about the expedition... but then _Sheldon _had interfered.

Just like always.

Leonard wondered if he would ever be able to return home from an expedition and beeline straight into Penny's arms without his roommate getting in the way.

Somehow he was really beginning to doubt that.

The text from Amy had worried Penny and despite Leonard's best attempts to smooth it over, she wouldn't relent.

There was something strange about the two of them ever since he got back. He wasn't exactly _worried _or _jealous _but unless he was mistaken, they had developed some new kind of intimacy over the summer. Penny and Sheldon had always been _close _in their own strange little half hating, half playful kind of way, but seeing it with new eyes was a little... shocking.

They bickered constantly. Sure they had always bickered, but now he couldn't help but catch the fond looks Penny would shoot Sheldon or the small quirk of Sheldon's lips he'd only get in Penny's company. And unless Leonard was mistaken, Penny had called Sheldon '_Dr. Cooper'_ in the middle of an argument which had turned a pleased looking Sheldon an unexpected pink color before he dropped the matter altogether, his eyes darting shyly away.

That was something Leonard had _definitely_ never seen before.

Besides the bickering, Sheldon was being... well... something _close _to polite, at least to Penny. When she passed him his food or wiped down the kitchen counter, he would grant her a '_Thank you, Penny_' that didn't sound forced or insincere.

But by far the strangest observation, and the one Leonard kept playing in his head on repeat, was the way Sheldon _touched_ Penny. It wasn't anything indecent, or at least it wouldn't be if it was anyone else, but the way Sheldon's long fingers rested against Penny's arm to still her wiping the counter as he told her '_I can do that better'_ was so utterly out of the ordinary, he may as well have copped a feel.

But no one else commented on this new peculiarity, no one else even glanced in their direction, and so Leonard told himself he was imagining things.

And surely he must be because _Sheldon_ didn't do... whatever this might be. He just didn't.

No, Sheldon had no idea what he inadvertently interrupted by acting strange enough to solicit Amy and therefore Penny's worry last night. And even if Leonard woke up alone in his own bed, wildly frustrated with his roommate, Sheldon would be clueless as to why he was upset.

So he brushed it off.

But when he had blearily scoured his own apartment _and _Penny's with no trace of either of them, the grudge settled back in place. The two trouncing back in half an hour later with their laundry baskets balanced on their hips looking shockingly domestic only dug the knife in further.

And the rest of the day had only been a testament to their new strange relationship.

Penny joined the men for paintball _without_ needing to cajoled into it, something Howard and Raj didn't even blink at. She had even acquired her own camo and gear over the summer so she didn't need to borrow Leonard's like she used to. With a smile and a little spin, she told him Sheldon had helped her pick it up (Leonard was afraid to ask whether he had just helped her pick it out or whether he had _bought _it for her so he simply didn't ask).

She struck an imposing figure when she strutted into the apartment pulling her camo shirt over a thick long sleeved shirt, her gun dangling at her hip. When she helped Sheldon clip on his chest protector, Leonard couldn't help himself from commenting. "You're not wearing any armor?"

Sheldon had shot him a superior look which curdled Leonard's blood unpleasantly. "Penny finds that a well padded brassiere and a few layers of clothing more adequately protects her breasts from impact than the plastic chest protectors."

Penny had snorted when Sheldon said 'brazier' but she didn't complain about Sheldon's casual explanation of the state of her chest like Leonard had expected her to. Instead she took a step away from Sheldon and poked at her padded chest before looking up to Leonard smiling. "Yeah, who knew Victoria designed push up bras for combat?"

Leonard had reeled. Really, since when had Sheldon become so familiar with _his_ girlfriend's breasts!

On the battlefield, they were the terrifying duo they always were when they consented to fight on the same team. Except now, the bickering was replaced with both of them exchanging battle plans and orders which the other unquestioningly followed out. They made quite a team and the Physics Department won, something which apparently happened every week now that Penny joined in the fray.

When the whole gang had reunited for an early dinner after a thorough round of showers, Penny _and Sheldon_ had skipped down the stairs to pick up the Indian food. Leonard had pouted and scowled but they had disappeared while he was in the bathroom and the group had looked at him like he was insane when he complained.

"Dude, I thought you hated picking up Sheldon's food," Raj said emphatically from the floor. "Is this some sort of Stockholm Syndrome thing? Should we be worried?"

Howard and chucked and handed him a beer. "Yeah, Leonard, let Penny do it. Somehow she's convinced Sheldon to come along so he can bitch about his food himself." He seated himself next to his wife on the couch. "We get a lot less complaints this way so _don't you ruin this for us_!"

Leonard pouted anyways. He really needed some alone time with Penny. There was something he needed to tell her.

* * *

"You're from Texas. I thought you country boys were supposed to_ like_ westerns," Penny asked, ducking under Sheldon's arm as he held the door open for her.

"You know, I never found myself very interested the western genre, unless of course it's transposed into space like _Firefly_. Then it's just delightful," he answered cheerily and Penny raised an eyebrow at him.

As they passed a young woman standing on the bottom step, Penny remembered that she was due to receive her second check from _Aphelion_ in the mail the day before, but she had been too wrapped up in Leonard's return to check her mail.

She handed the bag of Indian food (and one bag from McDonald's for Raj) off to a peeved looking Sheldon and ordered him up ahead of her when he started complaining about the temperature of his food. With a spring to her step, she turned back around and flounced to the mailboxes, passing the same young woman again on the way.

She sifted through her mail and tore open her check, unable to resist the little victory dance she did when she spotted the amount. Filming hadn't even started yet and she was already making twice the money she made in a month of waiting tables _in a week_.

And for now, she was only being paid for the meetings and fittings. Once the pilot got picked up and she started getting paid per episode...

She was so euphorically happy that she didn't notice the young woman still hovering on the stairs until she locked up her mail box and turned around.

She was a pretty girl, dark haired and waif-like, just a few inches shorter than Penny. She was standing on the bottom step staring longingly up the stairs, but suddenly she shook herself, dashing to the door with quick steps. With her hand on the door she paused, muttered something to herself, and returned back to the bottom step, seemingly unwilling to climb any higher but unable to turn around and leave.

Penny watched this all with confusion and a little bit of affection. The girl's clothing was mismatched in a way that would have been stylish if it was just a little more intentional. Her hair was a luscious black, but it was tangled into a lopsided bun on top of her head. And even from the mailboxes, Penny could see that her over large purse was filled with thick, heavy books.

After spending so much time with her favorite little nerd herd, she had come to recognize the type, and more importantly, had developed something of a habit of offering help when they were in trouble. It was a strange compulsion that she blamed entirely on her group of geeky friends. Everything about this girl screamed insecurity and Penny, always first to make a new friend, stepped forward with a smile.

"Squaring off with a dragon up there?" Penny asked and the girl startled, spinning around. She blushed deeply and made for the door again but Penny called out to her, "Wait, hold on!"

The girl stopped again with her hand on the door and half turned to face Penny, her expression a blur of embarrassment.

"I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess... guy troubles, right?" Penny laughed when the girl's mouth fell open and she turned to fully face Penny.

"Is it that obvious?" she asked in a low voice and Penny beamed.

"Well, it's a dance I'm very familiar with," Penny answered. "So what's the story? On your way to confess or on your way to break up?"

"Confess."

"In my unfortunately _extensive_ experience, it's far better to confess and be rejected than to never know at all."

The girl shuffled forward and Penny nodded her head towards the stairs, the two slowly ascending side by side.

"What's he like?" Penny asked, breaking the tense silence the girl beside her had fallen into.

"Oh, he's... incredible," the girl responded with a disbelieving shrug, her voice belying her affection. "He's smart and funny, not to mention adorable. I met him at work and, well this is going to sound stupid," she looked up through her eyelashes at Penny, "But I just fell for him like a ton of bricks."

Penny smiled. She kind of missed that feeling. "How does he feel about you?" Penny asked as they rounded the bend on the second floor. "Do you think he's into you?"

"Well, for a long time we just talked. We'd stay up late and tell each other everything we could think of. About our career goals, about our personal goals, about our screwed up families..." Penny glanced at the girl out of the corner of her eye as something niggled at the back of her mind. "We just connected so well, but nothing really happened... at least not until the other day."

"Uh-huh?" Penny asked, cool liquid dread beginning to drip down her spine as they turned up the stairs leading to the fourth floor.

"Well, the job wrapped up, you see, and as we were saying goodbye... he kissed me. I was so shocked that I didn't kiss him back, but that's has to mean something, right?" The girl's attention was focused solely on the all too familiar door of 4A as she climbed the last few steps.

Penny's feet carried her up of their own free will as her head was a dizzying cacophony of thought.

"Here goes nothing," the girl muttered to herself before knocking solidly on the door, seemingly unconcerned with Penny hovering behind her left shoulder.

Of course it was Leonard who answered the door.

"There you are Pen-" his greeting was cut off as the dark haired girl stepped forward and pressed her lips to his.

* * *

Author's Note: I know I sound like a broken record but seriously, thank you guys so so much for reviewing! I am so happy to hear what you guys have to say! It's so motivating!


	11. The Last Breakup

September 1st, 2013

For one heart wrenching second, everything stopped.

Blood pounded in Penny's ears, drowning out the sounds of the world as her brain stuttered to a halt and violently turned over again, restarting with a heavy rattling that could only be her uneven breath in her lungs.

With excruciating clarity, she could see the path she had tread leading her to this moment, this one _awful_ moment, and every fork that had arisen before her for the last six years that she had valiantly ignored in favor of bee-lining towards her own despair.

Then Leonard's eyes, which had fallen closed when the woman from the stairs pressed her lips against his, snapped open and locked on Penny, already dark with apology and despair.

Never in Penny's life had she unlocked a door faster. As it swung shut behind her, the last image she had of the scene in front of 4A was Leonard gently pushing the dark haired girl away from him and Sheldon, his eyes wide with shock (that likely mirrored hers) hovering a few steps behind, both their gazes focused on her like a laser.

Then she snapped the door shut in their faces, locked and latched the door and slid the stiff, hardly ever used chain lock into place.

She hadn't been conscious of her movements until she leaned heavily against the closed door and gasped in a shaky breath.

"Penny!" she heard Leonard call from across the hall, his hurried footsteps pounding closer to her. "Penny, wait, I'm sorry! Let me explain," he said, already knocking on her door, her back dampening the sound.

Over Leonard's pleas, she could hear the woman from the stairs, still standing in the doorway of 4A from the sound of her voice. "I don't understand..." she said, and even though Penny was a mess, her heart broke a little at the tone of the other woman's voice.

"Well, this is the kind of fall out one should expect when you kiss another person's boyfriend," Amy's flat answer rang out over the sound of Leonard's uneven breathing.

"I didn't know..." the girl responded, her voice cracking. "Oh god," Penny barely heard her whisper before the sound of light feet dashing down the stairs dimly Penny's ears. Penny sank heavily to the floor as another facet of betrayal slid into place.

She heard Leonard quietly whisper, "Laura, wait..." as he took two half steps away from Penny's door but he turned back when the stairwell remained silent.

"Penny, please let me talk to you," Leonard said on the other side of the door. He had stopped yelling and Penny suspected he knew she was just centimeters away, separated by an inch and a half of wood and a million unspoken words. "I can explain _all_ of this."

"Not now, Leonard," Penny answered, and it wasn't until she heard her voice, thick with tears, that she realized she was crying. She brought her hand up to her cheek to scrub them away.

"I think we should talk about this, Penny," Leonard replied and panic gripped her when she heard the doorknob rattle. "Right now." The door knob rattled again and Penny was glad that her autopilot had enough sense to lock the top chain. Even with her spare key, he couldn't get in.

"Later, Leonard," she called again, her voice gaining strength as anger set in.

"I really think it'd be better if-"

"I believe Penny said later, Leonard," Sheldon's voice interrupted him, his Texan drawl in full swing, and Penny choked back a sob of appreciation.

"...Okay," he said, and Penny could hear the reluctance in his voice. "I'll be waiting for you whenever you're ready." She heard Leonard's feet retreating and she breathed a sigh of relief until she heard him angrily whisper, "You stay out of it, you've already caused enough trouble," to Sheldon before the door to 4A closed.

Penny exhaled long and slow, letting the tension in her body melt away with her breath, a meditation trick Raj had taught her over the summer now that they could hang out and do things besides getting plastered. It didn't entirely work but by the time she pulled herself off the ground, her tears had ceased and her heart wasn't hammering so fiercely in her chest.

Her phone chimed from the depths of her purse and Penny debated ignoring the damn thing entirely but she figured if she was going to do that, she may as well turn it off. She drifted to the couch, throwing herself wearily at the teal cushions, her arm elbow deep in the clutter of her purse.

'_You okay, Bestie? Want to talk?_' a text from Amy read and Penny's lips quirked up into a sad smile. Even with the crippling thoughts of _alone _and _betrayed_ she had felt just a few moments ago, it was reassuring to know that she still had friends willing to support her. Of course it would be Sheldon and Amy to step up to the plate, the ones the rest of the group would probably consider the least likely.

But Penny knew better.

She sent back, '_Not right now. Need to think. I'll text later._'

Then she threw herself sideways on the couch, her knees up to her chest, and let her apartment slowly darken with the sky outside.

With a bitter taste in her mouth, Penny recounted something she had told Leonard shortly before his trip. "_Oh Sweetie, if you're gonna screw things up, it's gonna be while you're here, not while you're away._" How very _wrong_ she had been, almost comically wrong, except Penny didn't feel like laughing. She felt like crawling into a hole to die.

Or maybe she felt more like shoving Leonard into said hole to die. It was hard to say.

Penny frowned to herself, her face pressed into the cushion of her couch. She should have seen this coming. She'd known Leonard for years, she knew his little quirks, she knew his habits, and it was _depressing_ how much this didn't surprise her at all. There were so many signs pointing, no, _screaming_ that he was prone to cheating, but somehow she had ignored them all.

But she had always kind of thought she was...well... _special_. At least to Leonard.

But maybe she was just the pretty girl across the hall.

When Leonard and Priya had been doing the whole long distance thing, he had cheated on her too. In fact, if she thought back to that strange conversation in her kitchen, Leonard had been trying _very hard_ to come up with a way that he could have his cake and eat it too. At the time, it hadn't bothered her much at all. Leonard was solidly her friend and _only _her friend and she wasn't the biggest fan of Priya either so she had... _encouraged_ the skeevy behavior.

She could kick herself for that now.

Distantly she heard the gang evacuate the apartment across the hall. Amy, Bernadette and Raj stopped to call out sympathies to her but Penny only turned in place, staring intently at the back of her couch.

Leonard had issues with pretty girls. He liked being noticed by them, the man was practically starved for attention, and he skipped over a lot of social niceties in favor of celebrating his own appeal.

Like Alex. That whole ordeal had shone a rather unflattering light on Leonard as well. Penny could see why Leonard would like being asked out by a beautiful woman, and she could see why he wouldn't tell her about it, but she was still a little hurt over the way he had rubbed it in, doubly so now that she knew her worries had been completely founded. He had been _pleased _when Penny felt insecure, and sure, it was a pretty turn around in their relationship but did he have to gloat?

She shook it off. Leonard had issues with women. Yes. But that wasn't the only problem here.

In all honesty, Penny wasn't as hurt by the fact that Leonard had kissed the girl from the stairwell as much as the fact that it sounded like they had been... well... _emotionally_ intimate. She couldn't tell which was worse, getting drunk at a club and waking up with some random girl (eternal thanks for that, Kurt), or that he had met a woman with similar interests and felt a _real_ connection. She was leaning towards the latter.

That was what made that kiss, _those_ kisses, infinitesimally more painful than if he'd had an accidental one night stand. Leonard didn't really do... _that._ He didn't have casual sex. Sure, he would hop into bed with just about anyone who offered, but he always had _feelings _to go along with it. He fell in love fast and _all the damn time_, but it was still love. At least kind of.

And love, _emotional connections, _those were things Penny couldn't really... do.

As she turned over onto her back, her eyes staring vacantly at the ceiling, she sighed and allowed herself to acknowledge something she had been avoiding.

She had never really been... emotionally... invested in the relationship, at least apparently not enough for Leonard. And that was all on her.

In fact, she had spent a great deal of energy keeping her emotions out of it all together. It was something that she tended to do with the people she cared about; the people who could hurt her. She didn't want to tell him she loved him, she didn't want to talk about the future, and she didn't want to tell Leonard too much of the questionable stuff about her family. She kept herself locked up tight so he couldn't hurt her, but that had only pushed him away.

And right about now she was feeling pretty damned hurt.

The room turned dark gray with dusk but it fell on unseeing eyes. Penny was too wrapped up in her thoughts.

A lot of what had kept her from Leonard was herself, but he had a fair share of the blame of that too.

She had never been smart enough for him.

She had known, even the first time they met, that the group of men across the hall thought she was little more than a redneck hillbilly, their very own Daisy Duke to fawn over from a distance. They liked her looks and they liked having a girl around so they kept her around and poked fun at the fact that she didn't have an intimate knowledge of science or the inner workings of the universe.

But as time passed, they learned to look past that. Raj had sweetened up to her first; he thought she was nice and for a long time she was the only girl he talked to. It didn't matter if she didn't understand astrophysics because they could talk about _Sex and the City_ and drink grasshoppers on her sofa and chat about the latest fashion trends. He liked her because she was willing to listen to and even join in on the stuff the other guys made fun of him for.

Howard was namely interested in her looks, at least and first, but she was fairly sure over time she won him over with her humor. After a long and troubled relationship with Creep Howard, she introduced him to Bernadette and he turned into something a lot closer to a real human being. And since they'd tied the knot, she knew Howard spent much less time calling her a ditzy blond and more time treating her with respect as his wife's friend.

And Sheldon? Well, he thought _everyone_ was an idiot, which Penny supposed they were in comparison. But while he spent a great deal of time preaching to her about all the things she _didn't_ know about the scientific world, he had, at least recently, ceased ridiculing her so harshly. His complaints tended to be about how dirty her apartment was, or how often she talked with food in her mouth, or how she was folding her laundry wrong. And for all he knew about the world and all it's scientific intricacies, he still had to ask her how to win his girlfriend's forgiveness or how to butter up some university donors.

But in Leonard's heart, Penny would always be his beautiful dumb girlfriend, even if that clearly wasn't what he wanted. Yes, he listened to her when she had complaints about their relationship and he was more than willing to work with her on what she wanted, but when it came to her intelligence, he had long ago made up his mind. With him it was always, '_why don't you enroll in college, Penny_,' '_why don't you let me write your paper for you, Penny, so you don't fail and give up_,' and '_if you read more books, we'd have more interesting things to talk about_.'

From the sounds of the 'bugs' list which she still had tucked underneath her jewelry box on top of her dresser, Leonard didn't _really_ like a whole lot about her. There were the things he tolerated, the things he didn't like, and the things she _needed_ to change in order for the two of them to work, though honestly Penny doubted he would ever dump her himself.

And he had arranged it all in a nice, neat little list. _Penny's Failures_, it might as well have read. Why didn't she see this coming?

Sure, change was a big part of any relationship. People had to grow and shift to fit more comfortably together, but now Penny wasn't sure there was a whole lot more than proximity and a shared interest in sex holding the two of them together.

If she boiled it down, all she could come up with was that she was a pretty girl, and he was a nice guy, and they lived across the hall from one another...

All the doubts she had struggled with over the summer, all the questions... maybe she wasn't supposed to ignore those niggling thoughts in the back of her head. Maybe they had been right all along. It wasn't the first time her intuition had steered her straight.

She sat up stiffly, running a hand raggedly through her hair and wiping off the last remaining traces of tears. She felt exhausted and the worst part wasn't even over yet.

She still had to break up with Leonard.

* * *

Leonard was pacing a hole in the floor between the door and his desk, his cell phone gripped tightly in his hand.

This was a disaster. A complete and total disaster.

This wasn't how he had imagined things going at all and he had spent the entire flight home carefully planning what he was going to tell her, but now all that had been thrown out the window, hit by a truck, and set on fire. As was always his luck, Leonard thought with a groan.

Laura had come looking for him, and he determinedly pushed the happiness that swelled inside him at the thought down because she had kissed him in front of Penny, and now that cat was out of the bag. And he was fairly sure Penny had claws.

He knew Sheldon was staring at him from across the room from where he stood in the kitchen sipping at his tea. His gaze was surprisingly dark and Leonard wasn't quite sure what to make of it but he wasn't brave enough to ask. Since Penny had locked herself into her own apartment, Sheldon had been studying Leonard like he was an animal set to be dissected. Many times Leonard had asked him to leave but Sheldon's reply was always no.

Just _no. _Nothing wordy or needlessly complex. Just no.

To say it was making Leonard uncomfortable was an understatement.

It had been two hours since... well... the _incident_. But Penny's apartment was silent and no light filtered out from under her door. He knew she was in there, he had been guarding the door and stairwell and no one had passed, but the silence was unnerving.

Usually when Penny got mad she stomped around, she slammed doors, she broke things. This was new, and much like the barely disguised aggression boiling in Sheldon across the room, the strangeness of it terrified him.

Leonard sighed and seated himself heavily in his desk chair for the millionth time, only to jump up again after a minute when the anxiety became to much to keep still.

Stealing another surreptitious glance at Sheldon whose blue eyes were like flames across the room, Leonard cringed. The whole gang had been pretty displeased with him and there was an impressive range in the intensity of their feelings.

Howard was relatively indifferent but he wasted no time in calling Leonard an idiot. "What did you expect? You cheat on your goddess of a girlfriend who also happens to be_ riddled _with commitment issues and you thought everything would just blow over?"

Raj and Bernadette had been silently disapproving, shaking their heads and tutting to one another.

And Amy had chewed his head off. "What were you thinking Leonard?! You are supposed to be a nice guy, but nice guys don't _cheat_ on their girlfriends. And what Jezebel could possibly temp you away from Penny, the most radiant woman on the planet? Are you _insane_!"

Leonard didn't like thinking about it. He had kind of figured that Amy had a temper hidden underneath all her frumpy clothes but it was another thing entirely to hear her usually mild tones spewing fury just inches from his face.

And then again there was Sheldon. If Sheldon was any other person, Leonard would call this _seething_ but Sheldon didn't do stuff like that. He hadn't spoken a word unless directly asked and then it was clipped, concise and all Texan twang.

Leonard had always thought Sheldon a little ridiculous; an overgrown child in a man's body. But the scowling, brooding physicist loitering in the kitchen was all man and as he leaned his hands against the counter, his shoulders hunching, Leonard was reminded of a predator. He worried whether that made_ him_ the prey.

Leonard jumped when his phone chirped in his hand. '_Let's talk._' Penny had texted him and his heart jumped to his throat. He was out the door and knocking on Penny's in a matter of seconds.

Penny's door swung open but instead of greeting him at the door, she was already stepping away, seating herself at the couch, and when Leonard turned to close the door, the intimidating figure of Sheldon glowering from the doorway of 4A was the last thing he saw.

Penny was already settled on the couch by the time Leonard approached her, the features of her face unreadable in the semi dark. She had only lit the kitchen lights leaving her living room dim, and in the half light he watched her eyes dart away from him as he settled in beside her.

When his leg brushed her thigh, she shifted away.

"Listen Penny, I'm so sorry about what happened earlier but I just want to say that nothing happened between me and the girl from earlier while I was away," Her eyes snapped up to his and he felt hope bubble up in his chest. "We talked a lot and I guess she thought I was interested but I didn't mean for that to happen."

Penny tilted her head and her brow furrowed, her face screwing up into a cringe. "We talked too, you know," she said quietly. "Me and that girl from the stairs."

The silence in the room as her words sunk in was deafening. He could hear his own heart beating, the blood in his veins rushing to his face as his cheeks flushed.

"I know you kissed her before you came home. And I'm not stupid. I know that _talking_ is likely much more dangerous than jumping in bed together." When Leonard was brave enough to meet her gaze, her green eyes were filled with sadness."So Leonard, do you like this girl?"

"No, of course not Penny. I'm _in love_ with you."

"Are you, though?" she asked but her voice wasn't vindictive or mean. It was a question she phrased so simply she may as well have been asking about the weather.

"_Yes_," Leonard answered immediately, his voice impassioned. "I have always been in love with you."

She tilted her head towards him and regarded him quietly. With her face in shadow, it was harder for him to read her expression.

"What do you love about me?" she asked, and Leonard smiled. This he could answer. This he could do.

"I love how kind you are to everyone you meet. I love how fun it is to spend time with you. I love how beautiful you are, even before you put on any makeup..." Penny's gaze on his face was unwavering and he felt himself flounder under her stare. "I love how being with you makes me feel like I've finally become the man I always wanted to be. I knew you were the one the moment I laid eyes on you."

Leonard half smiled. He was in a mess of a situation but he figured he'd done pretty well. He was an expert at his feelings about Penny, he had to be after pining for her for years.

But his heart sank when she squinted her eyes and observed him with a cold speculative gaze more suited to Sheldon's face than hers.

"I don't think that's enough," she said and her tone betrayed her own unhappiness at her conclusion.

"No, Penny, there's so much more I just-"

"You're just content to settle with me," she interrupted. He was shaking his head but before he could argue, she spoke again. "And I was content to settle with you."

Between the past tense '_was'_ and the bleak declaration of her feelings, Leonard's heart sank.

"I think us being together was... I don't know... _easy _in a way. We were both willing to give up too much of what we wanted for the convenience and the simplicity and the relative safety. But..." Penny sighed heavily and Leonard raised his eyes to her face. Even in the dim light he could see she looked pale and drawn, her eyes puffy and her nose red.

"But what?" he asked, his voice thick with despair.

"But I think_ neither_ of us are happy. If you were happy with me, you would have told the other scientists on your expedition about your girlfriend. You would have told that girl on the stairs about me. If you were _really _in love with me, you would never have been interested in kissing her in the first place."

"I don't know what came over me, Penny," Leonard tried to explain, his hope sinking with the growing realization of how much _sense _that made. But he _loved _Penny. He did. Because she was the golden reward at the end of his struggles with love. She just had to be, even if she wasn't _exactly _everything he wanted in a spouse, she was close enough.

He pulled at his hair struggling to find the magic combination of words that would make Penny forgive him. "I was just swept up in the excitement of the project."

Penny turned her sad eyes back up to him again. "And if I really loved you, this would hurt more." Leonard balked and Penny sighed. "If I really loved you, I wouldn't question it all the time, I wouldn't struggle so hard to understand my own feelings, and I would want to work this through." Penny picked at her nail polish distractedly. "But I don't."

Her words hit Leonard like a tidal wave of anguish. "We're breaking up again, aren't we?" he asked, his tone flat.

Penny snorted mirthlessly at his word choice. "Yes, we are breaking up _again_. I guess that in and of itself is a sort of proof." She tilted her head again and Leonard could only stare longingly at the beautiful woman that he just couldn't seem to keep. "But this time is the last time," she said with finality, her face turned hard while his crumpled in despair.

"I'm so sorry Penny," he begged once more, "I'll do anything if you'd just forgive me."

Penny sighed wearily and wrapped her arms around her legs. After a moment, she looked up at him and the smile on her face was faded but sincere. "There's nothing to forgive really," she said with a little shrug. "We just... we just don't _work,_ Leonard. I wish we did, I _really _do. But we don't, and I don't think either of us have to _feel bad_ about that. It's just, the way it is."

Leonard felt sick.

"The way that girl talked about you..." Penny said longingly, her body turned a fraction away from Leonard, her face down turned. She trailed off looking wistful. "I've never felt that way about you. Somewhere there's some super smart scientist lady who would be _perfect _for you. Someone who can talk about books with you, and science. Someone who could _really _love you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated." Stiffly Leonard stood from the couch and crossed to the door, his hand unconsciously hovering over his heart.

"I hope we can still be friends," Penny said, and for the first time all night, she sounded like the perky blond neighbor he knew and loved. He, on the other hand, felt like the air inside of him was slowly turning to poison. "And this time I don't want to be banished from 4A just because we broke up. I think you owe me that, at least. I'm don't want to be cast out of the group just cause we all hang out where you live."

Leonard nodded absently, finding that a fit punishment for his crimes. He was the one responsible for ruining the best relationship of his life, it only made sense he had to suffer for it.

His head was hung low as he let himself out of Penny's apartment, her fresh mournful face turned towards him from the couch. He was so focused on staring at his feet that he almost walked directly into Sheldon who was still standing ramrod straight in the door to 4A.

"She dumped you," he said, his voice deep and foreign, laced with his Texan dialect.

Leonard scowled up at him through his glasses. "What's it to you," he asked the taller man, feeling torn between collapsing in sadness and starting a fight. After a brief stare down in the doorway, collapsing won out and Leonard shuffled past Sheldon into the apartment and straight to his bedroom where he threw himself onto his unmade bed.

He had really screwed things up this time.

As he gazed vacantly at the ceiling, he wondered if Penny was right. Why _had _Laura appealed to him if he was _so _in love with Penny? Why hadn't he told her he had a girlfriend? Why had he spent the late hours of every night talking with her in the crowded hull? Why had he _liked _her?

Because she was brilliant and pretty and she stood just an inch or two shorter than him.

If he hadn't been with Penny, he would have pursued her. Hell, he _was _with Penny and he still led her on. He'd even kissed her. In that moment of goodbye, standing at the airport knowing they would be taking two separate flights and may never see each other again, he just _had _to know. He had to. So he pulled her to him and kissed her.

And for all that he loved Penny, never had their kisses been so electric.

Leonard hated to admit it, but Penny was right. He supposed she usually was when it came to feelings. The two of them just weren't meant to be. But acknowledging that didn't quell the sting of anguish.

Leonard turned stiffly over on his side, tears dripping down his nose to plop gently onto his pillowcase. It still smelled like Penny's green apple shampoo.

He had hurt Penny, he had hurt Laura, and he had hurt himself all with one selfish action. Now the most he could do was wait and hope that everything could get better even if it could never be the same.

* * *

If Sheldon's physiological well being hadn't been so markedly disturbed over the last few months, he would have been sure he suffered a heart attack the moment Leonard opened the door and was swept into a kiss.

It wasn't Leonard's prowess with women that shocked him (though Sheldon never quite understood his appeal). It was Penny, standing no farther from the dark haired woman pressing herself to Leonard than Sheldon was to his roommate. Something about her expression as surprise melted into something wounded and utterly closed made Sheldon's heart _ache _in his chest.

And that ache had yet to entirely dissipate.

Leonard had returned from the short (yet somehow still painfully long) visit to Penny's apartment and had retired to his room. As he had passed Sheldon in the doorway, indeed anytime he came within arm's reach, Sheldon was struck by the absurd and wildly out of character desire to take a swing at the smaller man.

Of course he had controlled the urge, but it was distressing none the less. Especially since _Sheldon _had no reason to feel hurt over Leonard's admittedly despicable actions. It wasn't as if Leonard was _his _boyfriend. But the logic that normally tamed his animal brain was useless in this endeavor.

As Sheldon laid stiffly in the center of his bed, his linens tucked comfortably around him, his mind was spinning circles. He could hear very muffled music through the wall to Leonard's bedroom so he knew Leonard was likely listening to his sappy break-up songs with headphones at a decibel loud enough to damage his ear drums but Sheldon found himself less willing to warn him about permanent hearing loss than he usually was.

His phone chimed from the nightstand and one long arm darted out to snatch it up. '_Penny just texted me. Her and Leonard broke up. She says she's okay_,' Amy had texted him and he studied the words thoughtfully long after he'd read the limited writing through.

Sheldon hated change. The very fact that there were things outside of himself that he could not control made him want to tear his skin off with frustration and Leonard and Penny seemed to be the two most prominent examples as his closest (and most frivolous) companions.

Their relationship had been baffling to Sheldon from the start. It had always seemed painfully apparent that it was doomed to failure but his words had fallen on deaf ears. He supposed his mother must be right when she told him '_sometimes people gotta make their own mistakes_.'

For as long as Sheldon had known Leonard, he had always been _desperate_ for love. Once he met Beverly Hofstadter, the brilliant woman, Sheldon vaguely understood the correlation between neglected motherly affection and Leonard's constant search for a woman, _any _woman, to love him. It was for that reason that Sheldon believed Leonard's relationships would likely prove unsuccessful until he found a woman as needy as he was.

And Penny was definitely _not_ that woman. She was independent and indecisive and far to wild for Leonard to tame. Besides, there was something about Penny that seemed too... _special_ for Leonard. He didn't deserve her, and his _involvement_ with the dark haired woman over the summer only proved that point.

So maybe Sheldon wasn't entirely pleased that once again his two friends had violently upended his peaceful homeostasis, but some part of him was glad they had split up, hopefully this time for good.

He heard a heavy sigh through the wall and pursed his lips.

He wasn't happy that Penny was likely sitting devastated in the apartment across the hall, imbibing a dangerous amount of alcohol and _weeping_ in the way that clenched a fist around Sheldon's heart and squeezed. When she had called out to Leonard to leave her alone through her closed door, her voice had been heavy with tears.

Sheldon swallowed thickly. How he hated those tears.

He wasn't an expert on break-ups but he sensed there was some issue of loyalties in these things. Lord knows Howard had griped long enough last time about how Penny had to be separated from the group because apparently male companions trumped female, but it hadn't sat well with Sheldon then and it sounded ludicrous to him now.

Penny was his friend and she was the wronged party this time around. Surely that meant something in the intricate world of social connections just beyond Sheldon's grasp. Besides, if Sheldon had to choose, he would pick Penny, though that thought was likely heavily influenced by the inexplicable anger he felt surging against Leonard with every breath he took.

He didn't like when his emotions made his decisions for him.

When Leonard's quiet music lulled to a stop and restarted with a new song, Sheldon stood abruptly and swept his robe over his shoulders, keeping his steps quiet on the wooden floor. He wasn't entirely sure why he was sneaking but he had a feeling Leonard wouldn't appreciate him visiting Penny's so late at night.

Sheldon crept through the living room, dodging the creaky floorboard by the couch and quietly let himself out into the hall, inching the door closed behind himself and easing the bolt into place. His knocks were quiet on her door, his voice soft in case she had already retired for the night.

_Knock, knock, knock,_ "Penny?"

_Knock, knock, knock,_ "Penny?"

_Knock, knock, knock,_ "Penny?"

Her voice was muffled and far away sounding when she called out, "Come in, Sheldon. It's open." Tentatively Sheldon twisted her knob and crossed the threshold into Penny's apartment, closing the door softly. The living room was dark and unoccupied but her voice sounded from his right, "I'm in the bedroom," and he followed the light from her open door.

Penny was sitting at the foot of her bed wiping her face with a washcloth and dressed in her pajamas. Sheldon gaze snapped to her red eyes and nose and he quickly averted his eyes, feeling rather voyeuristic as he watched her prepare for bed.

"It isn't safe to leave your door unlocked while you're in such a state," he spoke to the floor, his toe prodding at her carpet, but Penny chuckled. He was surprised to hear her laugh and dragged his eyes back up to her face. She _had _been crying, but her face was clear now, no longer drawn or empty. There was a hint of sadness around the corners of her eyes but her lips were quirked upwards.

"What state am I in exactly?" she asked, raising a quizzical eyebrow and something in Sheldon's chest flipped back into place. He hadn't even been aware of the crushing pressure until it vanished with her smile.

"You're sitting around in your night things, Penny," he said stubbornly, crossing his arms behind his back but Penny chuckled again.

"Well you're _walking around _in your night things, Sheldon," she answered, gesturing to his green plaid pajamas and robe. "Besides, I only left it unlocked cause I had a feeling you'd come knocking."

He looked at her surprised but she patted the bed next to her and he crossed into the the brightly colored room and seated himself beside her.

She continued wiping down her face and studying him, her green irises even more vibrant against the red of her eyes. He had a hard time keeping his gaze on her face and he let his eyes dart about the room. Now that he was here, he wasn't entirely sure what he wanted to say. He had only wanted to check in on her, but finding her so alert and undamaged meant he had to make conversation.

He supposed she wanted to talk about what transpired earlier but he wasn't accustomed to asking after people's thoughts and he struggled to find the words. "What happened?" he settled with, figuring he only needed to get her started talking and then she would do all the work for him.

"Oh," she said with a heaving sigh. "I guess Leonard found himself a pretty scientist on the expedition. They didn't _do _anything..." at Sheldon's utterly blank look she rolled her eyes and restated, "they didn't sleep together (Sheldon 'oh'ed) but they got on well enough to raise the question of whether we, me and Leonard, should even really be together. I figured no."

She glanced up to him and her eyes were uncertain.

"But I guess you knew that all along," she added a little sadly, folding up the washcloth and laying it neatly on her crossed legs, her fingers toying with some loose threads on the corner of the cloth.

"Well, signs had certainly pointed in this direction," Sheldon said but he knew he shouldn't have a moment later when Penny cringed.

"I guess I'm pretty stupid like that," she shrugged vacantly, the smile gone from her face and an alarming shimmer building in her eyes.

"Well," Sheldon said, his brain working overtime to stop her tears before they fell, "While you certainly _are _prone to making bad decisions, I never imagined that Leonard would be one of them. That man is dumber than a bag of hammers to muss things up with you," he finished, one his mother's old expressions slipping out in his Texan accent. She had told him once not long ago that she liked the sound of it and he had absurdly thought it might cheer her up. Sheldon scowled at himself for slipping into a habit that he hated just to please his pretty neighbor.

But Penny was beaming at him with her million watt smile and warmth pooled in Sheldon's stomach, his previous embarrassment erased by the light of her happiness. She nudged his leg with her knee as she continued to grin at him and Sheldon's gaze dropped to her long legs folded underneath her, the skin smooth and tan.

A flash of insanity hit Sheldon and he was overcome with the desire to place his hand on top of her skin, to see the difference in skin color and to feel her body heat against his palm. He firmly gripped his own thigh to keep his hands from doing so.

"I set Leonard straight about us," she said and something in Sheldon jerked at the statement.

"_Us_?" he repeated, warmth inexplicably spreading to his extremities as his mouth formed the word.

"Yeah. I told him I wasn't going to stop hanging out with you or anyone else just cause he was stupid enough to kiss some other girl," she said cheerily as Sheldon's eyes raked over her from top to bottom. Why on earth had her use of the word '_us' _sent spasms of joy through every cell in his body?

"Very good," was all he could bring himself to answer as he felt his cheeks tinge with pink. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Yes, I don't want to be chased by dogs again just to spend an evening with you."

This time Penny nudged him with her shoulder and the point of contact tingled. "Well, maybe you shouldn't put hotdogs down your pants before you go for a walk," she replied with a laugh that shook the mattress. Sheldon scowled at her but he couldn't bring himself to be too upset when he was still weak with relief that she wasn't crying.

"Are you going to be okay?" he found himself asking before he'd fully thought out the ramifications of the question.

Penny's face turned thoughtful, her brow furrowing and her lips tightening into a frown. "Yeah, Sheldon. I'll be okay." She toyed with the frayed washcloth absently and Sheldon found himself mesmerized by her hands. "How could I not be with a friend like you?" she added after a pause, her trusting eyes darting up to him and a coy smile stretching her face.

"Yes, well," Sheldon said thickly, not at _all _sure how to respond. His eyes flashed up briefly to hers and he fought the desire to push a stray lock of blond hair out of her face. "I'm very glad to hear it," he settled on, and he was surprised by the softness in his own voice.

The look Penny turned on him was blindingly brilliant and Sheldon realized it was likely well past the acceptable time to be alone in Penny's bedroom, brushing knees with her on her bed but he found himself very unwilling to go. He shoved that thought away as absurd and was about to stand when Penny turned to root around under her covers.

When she pulled out _Fables_ volume 8 and brandished it over to him, his mind stalled at the touch of her fingers on his before he understood she was asking him a question. She turned halfway through the book and pointed at a page, her face turning up to his, open and thoughtful.

As he leaned over the page and perused the images, finding an answer to her query immediately, the back of his brain wondered if maybe, _just maybe_, Penny wanted him to stay there too.

* * *

Author's Note: Sorry it took a little longer for this update, I struggled a bit with this chapter since it's somewhat of a turning point. Also, just a heads up, the next chapter might take another week since I'm out of town this weekend for my sister's wedding. Sorry for the delays but hopefully I'll be pounding these out again soon.

And as always, thank you so much for the reviews! I love 'em!


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